AandB

George and Judy story

This is not a story of denial and I am not trolling for sympathy!

Introduction to the ‘What happened to George and Judy?

The following story of ‘What happened to George and Judy?’ is an unabridged uncensored story that needed to be told for posterity reasons.
This is the full and complete story that was never told.
There will be push back because it is a story of inconvenient truth!
It will be long and detailed because I am pedantic — no apologies!
It may be rambling due to repetition of events for contextual reasons.
As Mark Twain wrote, “if I had more time, I would have written a shorter letter”(sic)

This story of ‘What happened to George and Judy?’ was precipitated by a request from a Psychology Chair at an Ontario University that I have been in contact. This professor had expressed an interest in reviewing my/ our story and the downward spiral of events and circumstances that led to my wife’s death on January 16, 2014 for possible student case study. After I started to chronicle events for the eventual case study script, I realized that even if the tragic story of George and Judy is never finally prepared as a Psychology case for student study, it is a story that needs to be told.

Caveat before you continue:
Everything that I have to say is a personal expression of my “thoughts, beliefs and or
opinions”. Readers may recognize this as fundamental, CANADIAN CHARTER OF RIGHTS AND
FREEDOMS, “including press and other media of communication”. CONSTITUTION ACT, 1982
Sc.2(b)”
1 Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms, Fundamental Freedoms Sc.2(b) “Everyone has the following fundamental freedoms—freedom of though, belief, opinion and expression, including press and other media of communication”. CONSTITUTION ACT, 1982 Sc.2(b)”

This is not a story of denial and I am not trolling for sympathy!
On June 3, 2015, I was fairly convicted of 2nd Degree Murder “not planned and not intended”. I never denied.

I had seen Judy’s autopsy photos at my pre-Trail and I definitely did not want those photos of Judy lying naked on a stainless-steel autopsy examination table displayed in open Court.

While concern for Judy and my family was my top-drawer priority, I also recognized that a full-blown trial after maybe a 2 to 3 weeks duration would probably have resulted in a 2nd Degree jury verdict; the same verdict that a 2nd Degree plea bargain offered without: ● daughter, Kim, being called to testify and cross examined regarding my defense allegations regarding her dysfunctional role in legal separation:○ first, as “the kicker” to legal separation with her family’s estrangement and the resulting distress she created for Judy by not being able to see her grandchildren for basically a year, and○ then, as the driver of the ‘legal separation’ bus with her mother, Judy, as the hapless backseat passenger● BFF, Vicky, being publicly embarrassed as a perjurer under cross-examination about her allegation that I told her, “I was going to kill my wife”, after I learned about legal separation.

(See Sc. ‘Vicky’s testimony at my pre-Trial was tantamount to perjury’)

I had seen Judy’s autopsy photos at my pre-Trail and I definitely did not want those photos of Judy lying naked on a stainless-steel autopsy examination table displayed in open Court.

While concern for Judy and my family was my top-drawer priority, I also recognized that a full-blown trial after maybe a 2 to 3 weeks duration would probably have resulted in a 2nd Degree jury verdict; the same verdict that a 2nd Degree plea bargain offered without: ● daughter, Kim, being called to testify and cross examined regarding my defense allegations regarding her dysfunctional role in legal separation:○ first, as “the kicker” to legal separation with her family’s estrangement and the resulting distress she created for Judy by not being able to see her grandchildren for basically a year, and○ then, as the driver of the ‘legal separation’ bus with her mother, Judy, as the hapless backseat passenger● BFF, Vicky, being publicly embarrassed as a perjurer under cross-examination about her allegation that I told her, “I was going to kill my wife”, after I learned about legal separation.

(See Sc. ‘Vicky’s testimony at my pre-Trial was tantamount to perjury’)

Photo album

George and Judy
Judy
IMG_3496-scaled
Photo616994864497

I have struggled with ‘Why did Judy’s death happen?’

I have searched for the truth.
I have been obsessed with finding meaning.
I have read books on Psychology, studied Buddhism and read the Bible in my search for answers as to why did Judy’s death happen?
There is no binary answer(s).
The Book of Job in the Bible comes the closest to giving me an explanation.

  • While I never fully discovered the answer(s) that I’ve been looking for, I do now have some basic understanding or at least some rationalization as to Why?
  • The line between ‘good’ and ‘bad’ is permeable.
  • Some people are able to cross the line unscathed as in the example of elementary ‘road rage’.
  • When I crossed the line, I was unable to pull back on my own.
  • I had absolutely no one to talk to who may have said, “Don’t cross over”
  • I believe the ‘good’ people have never been tested.
  • I was tested, and I failed the test.
  • I simply was not strong enough to withstand the loss of everything that I loved and held dear in my life.
  • That last day January 16, 2014, I crossed the line and I committed murdered.

Take a walk in my shoes:

Excerpts from my Letter to Friends

Figuratively I was ‘hung out to dry’; ‘Abandoned and Betrayed’ by everyone that I loved and held dear; everything that I loved was ripped away; all I had was ‘slime bag’ lawyers in my life; with no one to talk to and no hope for the future, I crossed the line from ‘good’ to ‘bad’.

in less than three short months of ‘legal separation’ something happened that other people will never understand because they have not lived through the tragedies that I experienced with first my ‘Emotional Death’ and then my ‘Spiritual Death’ on that last day.

I’ll start my story with excerpts from letters that I wrote to friends who knew both Judy and I from earlier happier days. Each letter recipient loved Judy as a wonderful friend and person. While there is never a reason to murder anyone, I wanted them to have some understanding of the circumstances and events that preceded the terrible events of that last day January 16, 2014.

“Everyone has seen murder from a safe distance on TV or read about murder in the press.

Everyone knew that murder existed but that was all in another world, another city. But to have someone murdered in your family, in your friendship circle, in your neighbourhood, in your community — everyone was affected — Judy was not the only victim”

“Why did it happen?

Everybody has read or heard about the crazed, controlling, mean-spirited stalking slasher who murdered his 73-yrs kind, gentle, loved-by-all wife of 47 years.

It would have been totally unfathomable, to imagine this happening!

You, her IAAP friends, her Church community where for many years she was Chair of Worship, and the community at large would have been devastated and in deep mourning.

Everybody would be trying to get their head around the endless thoughts that they knew someone who had been murdered and then they would all have asked themselves the question, ‘Why did it happen?”

”As a police officer, you understand that there are two sides to every story, the following is the story that was never told in Court How could I walk away from Judy and our 47 years of being married?

Judy was my entire memory!

I thought that I would protect her forever You like everybody in my life, I never got to say ‘Goodbye’.

I want to apologize to you and everybody who knew Judy and even those who didn’t.”

“You are a loyal friend to Judy, and I thank you for defending her and repudiating the heinous crime that I committed against her, my family, our friends, neighbours and the community.

I say this because at the time of Judy’s death I was her husband. In my mind, husband and murder are mutually exclusive. I loved my wife of 47 years and best friend of 50 years.”

“Many times, over the years, I would see a street person, read a news article or see a news clip and think ‘There but for the grace of God go I’.

Well in the blink of an eye without any forethought or planning, I arrived abandoned by God, family and friends.”

“I have sought answers from the Bible as to ‘Why did this happen?’. The closest explanation comes from the Lesson of Job. Like Job, I suffered the loss of family and things that I loved —

one calamity after another. Job like myself, wanted to know, ‘Why did this happen?’ — Job

sought answers from God. When God did appear to Job, he did not explain Job’s suffering and losses of all that he loved and knew in his life. God instead conveyed the message, that man would have never understood ‘what God’s reasons are for doing what he does and why’, because man does not have the intellectual capacity to understand ‘Why God does what he does!’.

Jobl:1-22 “The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away”

“The fact of the matter is that we (Fraser family) were a dysfunctional family. We all had psychological baggage. Individually we never communicated beyond the surface level of our thoughts and emotions. On the surface, we were a loving family, but we never said, “I love you” on a regular basis between our children or even between Judy and me. We just took family dynamics for granted — we were a family of shallow interpersonal relationships.”

“Judy was traumatized by Thanksgiving dinner with Kim and family in October,2013. As Judy related the story (in telephone conversation; I was at the cottage) of that Thanksgiving dinner to me, she was crying because of the restrictions that Kim placed on her in order to be allowed to attend — Judy was ‘not allowed to ask any personal questions and only allowed to talk about work and school’. Judy as she had done so many times before said, “What have we done to Kim?” As Mom and Dad, we had no idea what Kim’s problems were to cause her to become estranged from us. “

”Beware of all the smoke screen allegations: I was too controlling; I was a curmudgeon; I was a provocateur; I wanted too much sex. While they are all probably true to a limited extent, the real reason as to why Judy was seeking ‘legal separation’ was because of Kim’s estrangement from Mom and Dad; Kim was “the kicker” to ‘legal separation’ because Judy was not seeing her grandchildren. “Judy and I met by serendipity. We were young and in love. We had good times and bad times. We experience a wide range of emotions i.e. desire, love, anger and fear. We faced various challenges and problems that made us feel good or bad about ourselves. We learned some things and forever wondered about other things. 

Our beautiful daughters. is what gave us a purpose and a bond. Our priority was family and our daughters. We did everything to enable our daughters’ success. We both had great expectations that family, friends, relatives and Church would always be a mutual source of comfort and happiness. I absolutely trusted Judy to where she owned all our family property on title for income tax reasons. Big mistake! On our 47th wedding anniversary on September 1st, 2013, we were in a good place and making plans for our future. I talked about a 50th Anniversary recommitment ceremony. We talked about taking a 50th Anniversary cruise. At the time, we did not recognize the storm clouds on the horizon! Later in September 2013, our first-born daughter, Kim, becomes profoundly dysfunctional and declares that it would be “too stressful” to attend family get-togethers. Judy sinks into deep depression; she does not want to get out of bed. 

Judy already on a high daily dosage2 of opiate painkillers for systemic heath failure would be self-medicating (pro nata) at higher levels of Tylenol #4 , Percocet and Oxycodone. Judy herself becomes dysfunctional. Then, Judy wants a legal separation and announces her decision to me in a ‘Dear George’ letter on October 23, 2013. Then, it’s all like it didn’t fucking happen. Family, friends, relatives and the church abandoned, rejected, shunned, reviled and banished me to the hinterlands of despair. I was suicidal with the loss of everybody and everything that I loved. I constantly worried about Judy’s health and whether she was warm and safe –just like I always did! I now had ‘slime bag’ lawyers in my life — who didn’t understand the word ‘reconciliation’ because ‘reconciliation’ doesn’t pay. 

During ‘legal separation’, I always had access to Judy’s e-mail; I recognized that our dysfunctional daughter, Kim, was driving the legal separation bus and our other daughter, Tracy, was the navigator with Judy as the hapless back seat passenger being taken for a ride. Figuratively, I was thrown under the bus! ‘Oscar’, our rescue cat was my only friend. Christmas Day 2013, I attempted suicide with no family, no friends no one to talk to. I survived that suicide attempt and my life was getting better to where in January 2014, I was hopeful that Judy and I could still be friends and share custody or at least have play days for ‘Oscar’ and ‘Laci’ to reconnect as best friends. My therapist in her January 2014 Report described, “George has moved on with his life”. I was meeting new friends on-line that rejuvenated my self-esteem. I even signed up or Ballroom dancing lessons to start the evening of January 16, 2014. I was delusional in thinking that I could get past Judy’s gatekeeper, Kim.”

“Even though the matrimonial home had been sold, I still had my spiritual sanctum the cottage aka ‘cabin’; the ‘cabin’ had always been my mental retreat in times of stress and anxiety. By January 16, 2014, I already had a closet packed with items to take to the ‘cabin’ on my first trip in April. I never imagined that my family would mortally wound me by taking my beloved ‘cabin’ my little piece of heaven away.”

“On January 16, 2014 received legal letter telling me “no trespassing” at the ‘cabin’; Judy’s lawyer in legal separation could do this because Judy legally owned the ‘cabin’ on title. BIG MISTAKE!

I defaulted back to thoughts of suicide and made plans to commit suicide on my apartment’s patio after dark. Those suicide plans would allow ‘Oscar’ to be rescued. Bought the knife that I planned to use to commit suicide. 2 Tylenol #4, Percocet and Oxycodone were all prescribed as PRN – pro nata / as needed started to relax and had an epiphany of sorts that I did not need to die, I only had to ask Judy for permission to go the ‘cabin’. After all, whenever we were having a personal or family crisis we always talked and sought out the other’s counsel. I fanaticized that Judy of all people would understand my love for the ‘cabin’ as my spiritual sanctum.

I knew Judy’s apartment address because her ‘slime bag’ lawyer, Fred Cameron, in ‘legal separation’ breached client/ solicitor privileged information by giving it to me, December 5th, 2013, in documents related to selling the matrimonial home. He was simply too stupid not to redact Judy’s address on those legal documents. I met Judy later that day in the parking lot of her apartment building. “Judy, I love you can we please go somewhere for a coffee and talk?”. She responded “Fuck you” in a gutheral voice. I thought ‘this is not my Judy but a Trojan Horse!’ But I still wanted to ask the question and the reason why I was breaching a mutual Court Order ‘no contact’ “Can I please go to the cabin?” Judy responded “Fuck-You, I own the cabin—“. I blacked-out, Judy died by my hand around 6:30 PM.

Later, perhaps 1/2 hour because I have no concept of time at this point, with the realization that ‘something bad happened’ because I had blood on my hands and pants, I drove to Thorold where both daughters lived within minutes of one another; Kim’s home was the closest and first turn off Beaverdam’s Road. There, I made the call to 911 for the NRPS to pick me up. Due to delays in NRPS picking me up: I made another call to 911 to pick me up, I telephoned a friend, Vicky, to have her call her son, who was a NRPS officer, pick me up at Kim’s home. She was not home; so, that message was left as a voice mail. I also called my other daughter, Tracy, to say, “Come to Kim’s, something bad has happened to Mom!”. SWAT /Emergency Response team. What BS, they came with dogs, shields, automatic long guns for me — a 71-year-old laying in a state of catalepsy on the sidewalk in front of Kim’s home. I later heard at my pre-Trail that NRPS plain-clothes police officers were parked in an unmarked vehicle across the street from Kim’s home watching me the whole time. Never got to those Ballroom Dancing lessons: ☹

3 ‘Slime Bag’ represents my thoughts, beliefs and or opinions. “Thoughts, beliefs and or opinions” are a fundamental, CANADIAN CHARTER OF RIGHTS AND FREEDOMS, “including press and other media of communication”. CONSTITUTION ACT, 1982 Sc.2(b)”4 Paramedics described me as being ‘catatonicWas my life real or was it just and illusion?

It seemed real but maybe it was just an illusion! It seemed real but maybe that was only because of the slowness of our (my) eyes and the quickness of God’s hand —“strawberry fields – nothing is real and nothing to get hung-up about”

“life is what happens when we are busy making other plans” John Lennon.I have learned and come to understand ‘when life is going well, we need to be aware of self-deception.

Regrets — I have a few!

In fact, my regret is so profound that I want it to ring through eternity! — My grave marker has already been cast with the inscription “Abandoned and Betrayed for 30 shekels”

Fraser George

Sometimes, I close my eyes, take a deep breath, and think about how I ended up in prison,
I think5 about my wasted life,
I think about the ruin, devastation and wreckage that I have caused others and myself. But, I’m no Dexter Morgan or Hannibal Lector:➣ George the murderer and George the kindly old gentleman
is a dichotomy that is not easily reconciled. I’m just not the person that everybody thinks I am.
I’m not in denial, I am a convicted murder by my own admission, but I am not that person.

I think about how, why and what happened,
The thoughts come easily but the answers don’t,
I now realize that I made poor personal choices early in my life out of unrealistic desires to love and be loved.

I think now:

  • I married badly
  • I reproduced miserably

5 Socrates, “The unexamined life is not worth living”

  • I loved a fake family
  • I feel stupid and used!
  • I spent 47 years loving my wife and daughters only to be discarded, abandoned and betrayed at the time of my greatest need.
  • I wasted my life nurturing a fake family!
  • I regret persisting with a marriage of unrequited love; we were totally sexually incompatible because Judy was asexual!

Over our whole marriage, I felt humiliated and betrayed over our sexual incompatibility.
I was always struggling with my emotions because I never felt loved over 47 years of marriage.
With ‘legal separation’, I felt that I was duped and swindled!

  • By the very ones that I had nurtured, loved and trusted
  • My family was everything in my life and I apparently was only a minor part of theirs.
  • I loved Judy as a person,
  • I made a vow ‘Better or Worse’/ ‘Eternally Yours ’
  • I always prided myself in keeping promises, and
  • I always wanted the best for the family and our children.
  • I loved my daughters
  • A family needs both a mother and a father.

6 Socrates, “Eternally Yours” was inscribed on the inside of both of our wedding bands. For whichever daughter who is in possession of Judy’s wedding band let that rings inscription be a reminder of their betrayal to both their Mother and father.

 

Agape

The love that I had for Judy can be described using the Greek word ‘agape’. When Jesus talked about
‘love’, he used the Greek word ‘agape’.

  • ‘Agape’ means choosing to love regardless of feeling
  • ‘Agape’ means choosing to love no matter the cost

Judy and I experience sex so infrequently that I can remember the moment of conception for both daughters, Kimberly and Tracy. For us intimacy was not the glue that bonded us together for 47 years —
it was the respect, trust and agape.
We loved our family; we would do anything for our girls.

Marriage was a difficult transition because back in the 60’s when we were going together couples did not live together. Certainly, after going together as boyfriend girlfriend, we knew each other intimately but we never went all the way, because it was important to Judy that she remain technically a virgin until marriage. No intercourse was a challenge, but I went along because I respected Judy’s wishes.

While Judy’s asexualism had been, a major issue over our 47-year marriage, due the infrequency of
sexual encounters, our marriage had survived because our relationship had evolved to what Jesus
described as that Greek word ‘agape’ — meaning choosing to love no matter the cost!

Sex was always a forefront!

Our honeymoon night was terrible! In fact, we did not have intercourse until the next day after we sheepishly went to a Drug Store to buy some Vaseline lubricant. Judy suffered vaginal dryness our whole marriage.

Even in those early days, it was evident that Judy simply did not enjoy intercourse. Penetration was never a moment of ecstasy for Judy but rather objectionable and sometimes painful. For my benefit, she would try her best to accommodate my needs, but it certainly wasn’t with the frequency that a high libido male like myself was capable or even imagined. We explored and eventually we settled into a
routine that seldom involved penetration.

  • Over our 47 years of marriage, Judy probably only came to full climax a dozen times with oral stimulation.
  • Not once in 47 years did, we ever climax together.
  • There was never a time over 47 years that Judy initiated sexual intercourse or participated with enthusiasm.
 

As is the case with asexuals, Judy was not a frequent hugger or kisser. She was totally intolerant of any breast and nipple caressing and I’m sure that played some part in her inability to breast feed both daughters after birth. Within the first month of marriage, I was having second thoughts about continuing with the marriage
because I was so deeply conflicted over the lack of any modicum of a fulfilling sex life. I was actually
mentally committed to ending our marriage by the end of the first month. I planned to make a trip with
her to her parent’s home where I would announce my intentions en route to end the marriage. Once we
arrived at her parents’ home, I would then try to explain the reason(s) as to Why to her parents who I
loved dearly. I fully expected and planned to return from her parents place alone!

Well that trip to her parent’s home and that announcement was never made because I got derailed by Judy’s sister, ‘Irene’. ‘Irene’ will remember it as the weekend that she came to our St. Catharines apartment after breaking up with her long-time boyfriend, ‘Bruce’.
Well the rest is history!
We persisted; we made marriage work over 47 years KY Jelly and my right hand were my best friends over our 47-year marriage.
Once Kimberly was born, we were both absolutely committed to her and that commitment only grew with the birth of Tracy.

Judy and I frequently argued about sex and the lack thereof in our marriage.
Every time, I would read or hear about sex frequency statistics in a healthy marriage, I would bring it to her attention.

It was only in later years that we learned the meaning of ‘asexual’.
We talked about Judy’s aversion to sex; she did not disagree; but there was really nothing that she was capable of doing that she wasn’t already doing.
My on-going frustration about the lack of intimacy in our marriage would result in me yelling in total frustration.
I was never violent or physically abusive; I would just vocalize my displeasure.
There were even times, I would cry because I was so unhappy!
Sometimes, I would think that I could not go on because I am so unhappy; but I always pulled back for family reasons.

My coping strategy was diversions and distractions that I will talk about later in this document.

You need a girlfriend!

  • Sex was always at the forefront and always difficult.In the last couple of years of our marriage Judy would say, “You need a girlfriend!” and I would
    always respond,
    “Where am I going to find a girlfriend?”

    I never knew if Judy was trying to humour me or whether she was serious about me finding a girlfriend; but it didn’t matter I was not going to violate my wedding vows and Judy’s trust in me at this stage of our marriage.

    ➣ I never was unfaithful to Judy over our 47 years of marriage/ 50 years of being best friends. It is significant that sex was the leading paragraph in that ‘Dear George’ letter that I received on October 23, 2013 telling me that Judy had initiated ‘legal separation’
    In that letter Judy said:

    • “it’s time for you to be free to chase your dreams”
    • “to have all the sex you want”
     

    Another noteworthy statement that Judy made about sex in that ‘Dear George’ letter:

    • “It was the final straw after your last two explosions (about sex) and your insisting on touching and having sex with me”
     

    We had more than a few arguments about sex in the last couple of years of our marriage because I was on testosterone replacement for muscle atrophy reasons. The testosterone, while at very low levels would have been increasing my libido / sex drive to where I was looking for a frequency of greater than
    every other month. When I talk sex, I’m not talking intercourse because Judy was totally intolerant of
    penetration after menopause when her vaginal dryness worsened.

Judy’s asexualism was difficult:

  • Our honeymoon night was terrible! In fact, we did not have intercourse until the next day after we sheepishly went to a Drug Store to buy some Vaseline lubricant. Judy suffered vaginal dryness our whole marriage.

    Even in those early days, it was evident that Judy simply did not enjoy intercourse. Penetration was never a moment of ecstasy for Judy but rather objectionable and sometimes painful. For my benefit, she would try her best to accommodate my needs, but it certainly wasn’t with the frequency that a high libido male like myself was capable or even imagined. We explored and eventually we settled into a
    routine that seldom involved penetration.

    • Over our 47 years of marriage, Judy probably only came to full climax a dozen times with oral stimulation
    • Not once in 47 years did, we ever climax together.
    • There was never a time over 47 years that Judy initiated sexual intercourse or participated with enthusiasm.
     

    As is the case with asexuals, Judy was not a frequent hugger or kisser. She was totally intolerant of any breast and nipple caressing and I’m sure that played some part in her inability to breast feed both daughters after birth. Within the first month of marriage, I was having second thoughts about continuing with the marriage
    because I was so deeply conflicted over the lack of any modicum of a fulfilling sex life. I was actually
    mentally committed to ending our marriage by the end of the first month. I planned to make a trip with
    her to her parent’s home where I would announce my intentions en route to end the marriage. Once we
    arrived at her parents’ home, I would then try to explain the reason(s) as to Why to her parents who I
    loved dearly. I fully expected and planned to return from her parents place alone!

    Well that trip to her parent’s home and that announcement was never made because I got derailed by Judy’s sister, ‘Irene’. ‘Irene’ will remember it as the weekend that she came to our St. Catharines apartment after breaking up with her long-time boyfriend, ‘Bruce’.
    Well the rest is history!
    We persisted; we made marriage work over 47 years KY Jelly and my right hand were my best friends over our 47-year marriage.
    Once Kimberly was born, we were both absolutely committed to her and that commitment only grew with the birth of Tracy.

    Judy and I frequently argued about sex and the lack thereof in our marriage.
    Every time, I would read or hear about sex frequency statistics in a healthy marriage, I would bring it to her attention.

    It was only in later years that we learned the meaning of ‘asexual’.
    We talked about Judy’s aversion to sex; she did not disagree; but there was really nothing that she was capable of doing that she wasn’t already doing.
    My on-going frustration about the lack of intimacy in our marriage would result in me yelling in total frustration.
    I was never violent or physically abusive; I would just vocalize my displeasure.
    There were even times, I would cry because I was so unhappy!
    Sometimes, I would think that I could not go on because I am so unhappy; but I always pulled back for family reasons.

    My coping strategy was diversions and distractions that I will talk about later in this document.Judy’s asexualism left me with latent and underlying:

    • Anger
    • Irritability
    • Frustration
    • Bad temper
    • Unhappiness, and
    • Sometimes quarrelsome and demanding over our whole 47-year marriage.

    Intercourse should have been:

    • the language of love
    • a way of intimate communication

    But it wasn’t because intercourse penetration wasn’t something that Judy was capable of or wasn’t prepared to endure; she didn’t even like her breasts fondled and caressed. Kissing amounted to a peck on the cheek or if a kiss was directed toward her lips, she would purse her lips.

    I desperately wanted to love and be loved because sexual intercourse not only expresses intimacy and closeness, but it also creates the felling of love and intimacy.➣ I needed intimacy to validate myself and to bolster my self-esteem.The feeling of rejection and being slighted by Judy when she waved me and my affection off were the
    same feelings that I had as a child when my stepfather waved me off when I was seeking
    some father / son bonding by say, paying catch or going fishing.
    It was so easy to write these words because they are words that I verbalized to Judy on many occasions. Diversions and Distractions: As much as I wanted Judy to change to allow us to have frequent sexual relations, once I learned the
    term ‘asexual’, I begrudgingly accepted the fact that Judy would never change and that I had to find
    diversions and distractions from our problems in the bedroom.

    • That’s why I originally got involved in continuing education programs at Brock U. that resulted in two undergraduate degrees and another almost complete 3rd.
    • I hiked all the trails in the Niagara Region and some beyond
    • Once, we acquired our best boy ‘Bo’ (Hyflyer’s Mr. Bo Jangles), I moved on to dog training in both ‘field trials’ and ‘obedience’, where Bo excelled and was rated one of the top dogs in Canada.

    ➣ Bo was buried at the cottage. That weighed heavy on my mind as to Why I needed to see and talk to Judy on that fateful day, January 16, 2014, after receiving the ‘no trespassing at the cottage’ legal letter.
    I desperately needed to say “Goodbye” to ‘Bo’ “one last time again”.

    • The cottage became a regular default distraction that lasted 28 years until that last day on January 16, 2014

    Diversions like these became my coping strategy to turn down and overcome my:

    • Latent anger
    • Irritability
    • Frustration
    • Bad temper
    • Unhappiness, and
    • Sometimes quarrelsome and demanding nature that developed over my unhappiness in the bedroom.

Scornful of my Faith

In ‘Dear George’ letter that Judy left for me on October 23rd, 2013 she stated that I was “scornful of my
(her) faith”. Not true! But I would regularly challenge Judy’s somewhat rigid Biblical Christian belief(s} and
her literal biblical interpretations from my perspective as a Cultural Christian. ➣ “Scornful of my faith” had some basis in sex and the fact that Judy was asexual.Because I was always conflicted about sex, we had many/ many discussions related to
‘our frequency of sex and the lack thereof’ over the years. Even after, we both came to recognize and
understand that Judy was asexual, I would suggest that asexualism was not a term God recognized.
I would make reference to:

  • a) Genesis 
  • “one flesh”
  •  “oneness” 
  • b) Corinthians – ‘a couple should not refuse one another’
  • c) Paul said ‘a couple should not refuse one another, for their bodies belong to one another’
  • d) Marriage and sexual relations are supposed to be fulfilling:

– Married couples need to give themselves to one another- Sexual relations is a way of loving, honouring and respecting the otherIn those ‘frequency of sex’ discussions, I could be animated and angry because as I told Judy “I am totally frustrated over being denied sex with you”.In one of those tension filled sex denial discussions years earlier, I must have said, ‘Ask your Mom and Dad their intercourse frequency!’ because in her ‘Dear George’ letter she threw-up my statement, “Ask Ken
and Marie how they performed in the bedroom?”
Judy held that thought, “Ask Ken and Marie how they performed in the bedroom?” for at least 45 years due to the unresolved sexual tension between us over our whole marriage.

Maybe I didn’t love enough because I wasn’t loved enough?

Once ‘legal separation’ got underway, I obsessed over everything that might have caused our marriage
to go off the rails and contributed to Kim being “the kicker” to ‘legal separation’. I mentally went back in
time, trying to figure out what went so wrong after 47 years of making a difficult marriage work; to
where, I thought that maybe, I didn’t love Judy enough because I wasn’t loved enough.

  • Over our whole 47-year marriage, I never felt loved; I never felt that I had Judy’s approval.
  • I had those same lingering feelings of not being loved enough as a child.

Both as a child and being married to Judy whenever I had a difficult day, I never thought that I was coming to a loving home where I was loved.

Both Judy and I brought baggage into the marriage:

Both Judy and I had latent lingering animosity and anger toward our parents that we brought with us into our marriage.George: My father died when I was about 3 yrs. He died from a weakened heart after suffering scarlet fever as a child. After his death, my paternal grandmother, ‘Grammy Lee’, moved in with my mother to help raise me and to provide day care while my mother worked.About the age of 6 my mother remarried. This was a traumatic experience because one day my Grammy Lee is living with us and the next day ‘Thom’ moves in. The fact of the matter, my stepfather and I never bonded, and I always subtly resented the fact that he displaced my Grammy Lee, who I loved dearly.While, I never did anything bad or destructive, Thom might have said that I was an obstreperous child. Becoming an instant parent to an active 6-year-old would have been difficult! My stepfather recently returned from WWII was very controlling due to his own upbringing and his military service where he was expected to both follow and give orders. In the mid 40’s, men were expected to be in control; General Douglas McArthur was every service member’s role model.

➣ When people say I was controlling, they are probably right because I learned from my role models — men were expected to be controlling and take charge in the 40’s. My heroes, the Lone Ranger, Wild Bill Hickock then later Superman and Maurice ‘the Rocket’ Richard, were all take charge men that would be considered controlling.

Without any particular father/ son bond between us, it would be fair to say that I was physically abused
as a child. Beside my father’s favourite chair in the living room, he kept a looped leather belt both for visual intimidation and for whipping me. To this day, a scar is visible over the bridge on my nose where
my stepfather back handed me and broke a glass from which I had been drinking milk.In those early days after my mother remarried, it was my maternal grandfather, Grandpa Beattie, who did what a father might be expected to do by playing catch with me and taking me to Saturday matinees
of the Lone Ranger, Hop-a-Long Cassidy and Wild Bill Hickock.As a child whenever I came home, I never felt that I was coming to a loving home.➣ I had those same feelings after I was married because Judy and I never bonded at an intimacy level.➣ I never felt that I was coming home to a place where I was loved because Judy was always holding back from me.

I was so unhappy as a child that I remember crying to my mother ‘Why couldn’t my Grammy Lee and Grandpa Beattie be my parents?’
Then at some point both Grammy Lee and Grandpa Beattie died, and I never really recovered from their loss and my feeling of being ‘Abandoned’ by the two people that I loved so much. My fear of being ‘Abandoned’ was ingrained from childhood.

  • At no time, in my continuing education, after high school did my parents provide me with any financial support. My living expenses related to living away from home while going to school, my tuition and other education expenses were paid for entirely by an inheritance from my birth father. This is because he died intestate and 1/3 of his life insurance was assigned to me in trust until I was 18 yrs.

The fact that I never felt loved as a child and I never received any financial support in my later
educational endeavours while my 1/2 sister, received full university education benefits including a year study in France was part of the baggage that made me who I was at the time Judy and I married.Judy:Important to understand, that Judy also grew up in the 40’s, when men were expected to be controlling.
Men brought home the bacon, while the women stayed at home and were controlling in the background.Judy as a child was both verbally and physically abused by her mother. The abusive and demeaning
comments from her mother persisted until she was about 18. It was difficult for Judy growing up
because her father was an unskilled farm labourer and they had little money. Some of the places that
they lived, Judy described as shacks and converted chicken houses with cracked windowpanes where
snow would build up on the inside windowsills.Judy always had a rush of memories about:

  • being age 2 or 3 in a hotel drinking lounge running under the pool tables.
  • going to a one room country school with maybe 12 students. Her parents volunteered her to go to school early; so, that she could light and stoke the single classroom’s wood stove to get the classroom warmed up before the actual school day started. For that, she was paid $.50 per week. That $.50 was handed over to her mother and father to buy food for the family.
  • never having a bedroom or even bed to herself, always sharing with her younger sister, Irene, for the entire time she lived at home with her parents

Judy always aspired to be a teacher when she was in school, but her parents had no money or even
inclination to accommodate her ambitions and at 18 after completing Grade 12, Judy went to work as a
secretary/office support person and never broke out of that employment mold her entire working
career. The fact that Judy never fulfilled her ambition to become a ‘teacher’ was always a latent source of
regrets and some animosity toward her parents because her sister Irene, always her mother’s favourite,
was encouraged and financially helped to complete nursing school to become a RN — perhaps, with
some financial assistance from her Aunt Oddy.I remember at some point after Judy’s mother died, Judy brought home some photographs from earlier
years. She showed me a picture of herself when she was 17 or 18 yrs. and I said, “You looked beautiful,
no wonder your Mother was jealous of you!”
 and Judy replied, “That’s what I always thought!”The relationship between Judy and her mother was always complicated!
Later in this document, I talk about Judy admitting during ‘legal separation’ that she had been in
counselling / therapy her whole life perhaps due to childhood issues and/or her inability to experience
intimacy issues due to her asexuality or perhaps lesbianism.

My Wonderful Daughters

Difficult to think about Kim and Tracy as being precious because it is difficult to remember at this
juncture their love and kindness directed toward me considering that they both abandoned, rejected
and reviled me so thoroughly in ‘legal separation’.

Everything Kimberly

As young parents, we were forewarned about the terrible 2’s, but Kim was never a problem; in fact, she was the perfect baby and child. Judy and I always thought that she was born to be loved by us and tha we were born to love her. When Kim was born, it solidified the bond between Judy and I by giving our life a purpose.
Who would have ever imagined that the most difficult age of a child for parents would be 46 yrs.?

Oh, how we loved our baby girl!
Kim was born with a congenital heart murmur that our family doctor picked-up on within days of Kim being born. Then we started trips back and forth to Sick Children’s Hospital in Toronto where Kim underwent a battery of tests — the feeling of helplessness was overwhelming for both Judy and I.
We prayed endlessly, as did the Grandparents.
We were told that surgical intervention would be necessary.
We were told that Kim would likely be at Sick Children’s Hospital for at least 3 months after the open-heart surgery.
Judy made plans to stay in Newmarket at her sister Irene’s place for the duration that Kim would be in Sick Children’s. (Ironically that’s were Judy went in ‘legal separation)
Before Kim’s surgery there was to be a final diagnostic.
Kim now 3 months old would undergo heart catheterization, similar to angioplasty, a diagnostic procedure where entry to the heart is accessed through a blood vessel in the groin Thank you, Lord!
On review of that catheterization diagnostic Kim’s surgical team, consisting of 6 different doctors, determined that open heart surgery wasn’t going to be necessary because although there was a restriction in the blood flow, there was an anomaly further upstream that somewhat neutralized the detrimental effects of the heart murmur.
We immediately called both Grandparents — everybody was crying on both those telephone calls. Her Grandpa Fess was working at the time driving his Leatherdale Fuel’s truck; so, Aunt Molly relayed the message via the business radio that Kim didn’t need open heart surgery.

7 Heart murmurs may be readily heard by a physician as soft swishing or hissing sounds that follow the normal sounds of heart action. Murmurs may indicate that blood is leaking through an imperfectly closed valve and may signal the presence of a serious heart problem.

Kim was a wonderful baby and child.
My pet name for Kim as a child was “Mingy” because that was the name, she gave herself when she was learning to talk and trying to say “Kimmy”.

Kim excelled in school and in gymnastics.Kim understood the value of money and had her own bank account at an early age. I would double any
money she saved in her piggy bank for deposit into her savings account.
I set up an RRSP for her when she was maybe 18 years of age not for retirement but for tuition, buying a
home or such things as maternity leave down the road.
When Kim met and married Troy, both Judy and I were overjoyed to welcome Troy into the Fraser clan.
When Kim and Troy bought their first home, Judy and I offered our help in any way possible; I paid for
and installed tongue and grove pine panelling on the walls of their family room.
When grandson ‘O’ arrived, Judy provided day care in our home in Fonthill.➣ The fact that Kim paid Judy $25 per week to provide day care for ‘O’ later became a rumination issue for Kim that contributed to her estrangement from Mom and Dad 17
years later.
When Kim and Troy bought their home in Thorold, I assumed landscaping responsibility because that
was my forte. At one point, in the landscaping process, I had $3,000 invested with the understanding, it
was a loan to be paid back whenever they were comfortable doing so. After a couple of subtle
reminders, that loan was paid off three years later.
Both Judy and I always made ourselves available in any way to help Kim and Troy.➣ We operated exactly that same way with Tracy and Shawn. When Tracy became a single
parent, Tracy’s needs and our offers to help logarithmically increased because we were
basically Tracy’s only support. Our support for Tracy contributed to Kim’s dysfunction
resulting in her estrangement from Mom and Dad because she thought we didn’t love her
as much as Tracy.

  • In the end, Kim’s dysfunction cascaded down to where on that last day January 16, 2014, Judy was murdered by my hand.

Everything Tracey

  • Tracy was the one person who could have introduced some civility into ‘legal separation’ but instead she became the navigator for Kim on the ‘legal separation’ bus.
  • Because Tracy had herself experienced ‘legal separation’, she should have understood and been sympathetic for my attempts at ‘faint hope reconciliation’.
  • Tracy was the one person who could have introduced some civility into ‘legal separation’ but instead she became the navigator for Kim on the ‘legal separation’ bus.
  • ‘Tracy made a huge miscalculation by failing to provide balanced support for both Mom and Dad in ‘legal separation’.
  • In the end, Tracy’s actions to shut me out of both her and my granddaughter’s lives had a huge cumulative impact on my psyche that last day January 16, 2014; the day her mother was murdered by my hand.
  • I felt hugely ‘betrayed’ because Tracey wasn’t just a daughter; She was a best friend; I was her caregiver.

From the beginning:Tracy as with Kim, I can remember the moment of conception because Judy and I had full intercourse so
infrequently.
While Judy and I had been hoping for a boy, we loved our baby girl, Tracy.
As a baby, I gave her the nickname ‘Rose’ because of the diaper rash she developed over an allergy to
regular milk. Many days her diaper rash was so bad that we did not even put diapers on her; we would
just let her run around slathered in Zinc Ointment.Between the pre-puberty ages of 8 – 13 Tracy was both a blessing and stressing.With Tracy, Judy and I were having to deal with tough love issues that we never had to deal with Kim.
The issues with Tracy were ongoing:

  • Occasions where Tracy left her bicycle at school unlocked and regularly left her bicycle in the yard at night without locking it up in the carport. After multiple such incidents, I required Tracy put her bicycle in her BR each night as a short term ‘tough love’ requisite.
  • wearing heavy make-up especially eye shadow to public school contrary to her mother’s wishes
  • changing into different clothing at school
  • smoking
  • lighters and lipstick would regularly show up in the laundry
  • Taking Kim’s clothing and other personals to where I had to put a lock on Kim’s BR door
  • We told Tracy ‘no pierced ears until she was 18’; so, she pierced them herself with a fork tine and an ice cube
  • She was a bully:
  • her schoolwork was falling behind
  • Judy and I became suspicious that Tracy was shoplifting make-up
  • she was biting her fingernails to where:
  • We, as Mom and Dad, would ground Tracy from after school dances for violating the rules and she still went.

Both Judy and I were totally frustrated during Tracy’s pre-pubescence years. Whatever ‘tough love’ penalties were imposed on Tracy both Judy and I did it in consultation and in agreement.

●          I was not the sole rule master.Then when Tracy became a teenager everything changed:

No more ‘tough love’ from Mom and Dad. Tracy developed a new peer group
She was doing well in school
She got involved in field hockey and was very good.
She joined the drama club and was the lead in school plays.
Through a new BF, another Tracy, she got a job at ‘Kresgees 5 & 10’ on the lunch counter, where she was a customer favourite and made amazing tips.
Tracy had a new confidence in herself. She had boyfriends.
Tracy like with Kim:

○      I always doubled whatever money she saved.○      Tracy had an RRSP when she was 17 or 18 yrs. not for retirement reasons but rather for eventual maternity leave income or as a source of funds to be applied to a mortgage on a home.When Shawn came along, Mom and I were supportive in every way we could.
We welcomed Shawn as a son in the same way we welcomed Troy.
I became Tracy’s Caregiver:I was Tracy’s caregiver before and after her separation then divorce from Shawn.

  • When she developed gallbladder issues during her 1st trimester with granddaughter ‘E’, I researched surgical options during pregnancy that would protect the fetus; I sat in with her when she discussed surgery with the surgeon; I was at the hospital on the day of her surgery; and I was in the recovery room when she woke up.
  • I was in the Hamilton hospital for her tonsil’s removal
  • I was with her when she had breast reduction
  • When bariatric surgery became an option, I did internet research and reviewed safety considerations; I sat in on discussions with the surgeon who performed bariatric surgery; I was with her when she was prepped for surgery; I was in the recovery room; we both talked to the surgeon after the surgery.
  • Because Tracy, ‘E’ and ‘A’ showed a pin hole ear anomaly similar to Judy, I did online research and determined that many Fraser family members had inherited the BORE genetic anomaly from Judy through the Fess paternal ancestry. Tracy, ‘E’ and ‘A’ all have the genetic anomaly BORE.

I Became Tracy’s caretakerBoth Judy and I worked hard to get Tracy and the girls set-up in their new home in Thorold. It was not easy because the home was a handy man’s home with serious maintenance issues:

  • I spent endless hours rebuilding and maintaining her ‘handyman’ home in Thorold
  • Incremental endless home repairs i.e. pool maintenance, painting, mechanical and electrical issues were ongoing
  • Some days, I would travel to 4 to 6 different stores just shopping for nuts, bolts, paint or whatever to accomplish the repairs required:

○      ‘A’’s closet door was forever coming off the hinge, ○      the spindles on ‘E’’s bed needed to be reaffixed,○      leaks repaired on the pool ○      the water sprinkler system needed a tweak there was nothing in Tracy’s home that didn’t have my fingerprints

  • Arranged for contractor to repair crack in foundation
  • Ceiling fan installed
  • TV to be wall mounted
  • I totally landscaped the front yard and rear yards
  • Rear fence and privacy screen installed
  • Installed a lawn and garden watering system on a day timer
  • When her lawnmower fell apart, I replaced it
  • When she had car problems, I was there to help with roadside service
  • When her car totally failed, I arranged for her to buy a new one on my GM discount. I used my money to make the reserve deposit payment on that vehicle.
  • When she had a migraine the night before an important meeting — I went over to her home with the TENS machine and lay beside her putting cold wash cloths on her forehead
  • I arranged for a contractor to replace Tracy’s front porch due to safety reasons; the cost for the front porch and facia replacement was $15K.
  • I would drop by Tracy’s home a couple of times a week to see if she left a list on the kitchen counter for something that needed to be repaired and or replaced. We’d have a running tab on my expenses. Reimbursing me for those expenses was never an issue.
  • At other times:

○      I would just drop in on the way home from shopping to drop off Freezes or Cream Cycles in the freezer for the girls.○      Sometimes, I would simply stop by to give their cat, ‘Fred’ or ‘Hank’ or whatever he was called, a treat.○      Many times, I would just drop in to have a hunk of cheese and maybe a Diet Coke that Tracy always had in the refrigerator for me○      Many days when Tracy was at work and the girls in school, I’d be in her pool

  • Both Judy and I would be available for picking the girls up after school whenever our help was required

With ‘legal separation’, Tracy turned on me:

  • 1.) Refused to meet me for lunch to talk
  • 2.) She was part of the BS conspiracy that Judy was at a Women’s Shelter receiving counselling (all lies I knew about because I had access to Judy’s email)
  • 3.) Disconnected battery on front door keypad to give me the message that she no longer wanted me at her home.

➣ Metaphorically significant that Tracy no longer wanted me in her life.

  • 4.) Threw away a muffin-baking pan that I had left for her on her porch.
  • 5.) Refused a Christmas card with a money gift for granddaughters, ‘E’ and ‘A’, telling me she would throw away the card and donate the cash.
  • Tracy’s suggestion that she would throw away my Christmas card is significant and a metaphor for ‘legal separation’; in that, I was a throw away Dad.

The question begged for me during ‘legal separation’ and even now as I write this:
‘How is (was) it possible for Tracy to so callously ‘Betray and Abandon’ me?’ when our relationship went far beyond father/ daughter to where I was her caregiver and caretaker.
I even considered Tracy to be a BF.
I will carry the scars of Tracy ‘abandoning and betraying’ me through eternity.

Replacing Tracy’s front porch becomes the catalyst for Kim’s dysfunction and ultimately Judy’s murder:
Replacing Tracy’s home front porch and installing a new front door in the fall of 2011 was the spark that ignited Kim’s dysfunction that in turn cascaded down to her estrangement from Mom and Dad.

Kim’s estrangement resulted in Judy not having access to her grandchildren, ‘O’ and ‘R’.

Judy herself becomes dysfunctional by thinking that ‘legal separation’ was the way to re-establish her relationship with her grandchildren.

‘Legal separation’ then resulted in George being shunned and reviled to where he became the ‘legal separation’ blood sport target.

Judy died by George’s hand after his plea for the legal and family bullying to stop was answered with a “Fuck You”! 

As the story goes:

  • Judy and I spent $15K on Tracy’s home doing a porch replacement for safety reasons over wood rot issues in 2011. We explained to Kim that we planned to gift her and Troy an equivalent $15K; but, as we explained, we did not have the money until the cottage sold. The cottage was going to be listed for sale the following Spring 2012.
  • It was only after ‘legal separation’ was well under way that Mom and Dad developed some understanding as to why Kim became dysfunctional:

○      because the cottage did not sell in that 2012 season, this caused Kim to over catastrophize that we never intended to gift her that $15K○      later in ‘legal separation’, we found out that Kim had multiple ruminations related to Mom and Dad money issues and going back 17 years.

  • Kim’s dysfunction progressed over 2013 to where she and her family became progressively estranged from Mom and Dad
  • With Kim’s estrangement, Judy and I were not seeing our grandchildren, ‘O’ and ‘R’
  • Judy already suffering massive physiological auto immune health failures then went into psychological distress at not seeing her grandchildren — to where she somehow rationalized that I was to blame for Kim’s estrangement and that ‘legal separation’ would allow her to again see her grandchildren.
  • Judy initiated ‘legal separation’ on October 23, 2013
  • In the Dear George Letter, she left me Judy said, “having Kim estranged from us was the kicker” to ‘legal separation’ and that “you made no effort to mend fences”.
  • Kim became figuratively the bus driver in ‘legal separation’ and Tracy was the navigator; Judy the hapless passenger would be self-medicating on any number of opiate pain killers to control her on-going acute health failures.
  • With ‘legal separation’ George becomes the ‘legal separation’ blood sport target and was figuratively thrown under the ‘legal separation’ bus
  • Judy’s lawyer, Fred Cameron, under Kim’s vindictive control ran the table on George.
  • On January 16, 2014, George received a legal letter prohibiting him access to his spiritual sanctum the ‘cabin’.
  • George became suicidal then irrationally determined that Judy could and would override her lawyer’s prohibition and allow him access to his beloved ‘cabin’ to say “Goodbye” one last time and to gather up personal property.
  • George and Judy met in the parking lot of her apartment building.
  • Judy was murdered January 16, 2014 by George’s hand!
  • 8 Heart murmurs may be readily heard by a physician as soft swishing or hissing sounds that follow the normal sounds of heart action. Murmurs may indicate that blood is leaking through an imperfectly closed valve and may signal the presence of a serious heart problem.

Judy had ongoing autoimmune and systemic health failure

Estrangement from our grandchildren, ‘O’ and ‘R’, was devastating to both Judy and myself; but it was particularly debilitating to Judy who was already in medical crisis suffering major chronic autoimmune health failures with:

  • Fibromyalgia
  • Polymyalgia
  • The genetic anomaly BORE
  • Kidney failure due to the genetic anomaly BORE
  • Ongoing hearing loss due to the genetic anomaly BORE
  • Depression and Anxiety
  • Arthritis
  • Achy joints9
  • Extreme fatigue9
  • Kidney pain and regular infections9
  • Irregular heartbeat9
  • Regular chest pains / Angina9
  • Auto immune failure9
  • Skin issues9
  • Hair loss9
  • Extreme sun sensitivity9
  • Migraines
  • IBS
  • Hemorrhoids
  • Pre-cancer skin spots diagnosed by Dermatologist
  • Sleeping issues from the compounded medical issues
  • Bursitis and arthritis in her feet causing the big toe to overlap the next toe
  • Judy regularly used a cane to assist in walking
  • Ankle and leg swelling due to water retention
  • Fingers swelled up to where she was unable to wear her rings; they had already been resized once
  • Water retention would cause her face to swell and her eye lids to close; she already had eye lid reduction surgery.
  • Angina (always carried nitroglycerine)

Replacing Tracy’s front porch becomes the catalyst for Kim’s dysfunction and ultimately Judy’s murder:

Replacing Tracy’s home front porch and installing a new front door in the fall of 2011 was the spark that ignited Kim’s dysfunction that in turn cascaded down to her estrangement from Mom and Dad.

Kim’s estrangement resulted in Judy not having access to her grandchildren, ‘O’ and ‘R’.

Judy herself becomes dysfunctional by thinking that ‘legal separation’ was the way to re-establish her relationship with her grandchildren.

Legal separation’ then resulted in George being shunned and reviled to where he became the ‘legal separation’ blood sport target.

Judy died by George’s hand after his plea for the legal and family bullying to stop was answered with a “Fuck You”!

As the story goes:

  • Judy and I spent $15K on Tracy’s home doing a porch replacement for safety reasons over wood rot issues in 2011. We explained to Kim that we planned to gift her and Troy an equivalent $15K; but, as we explained, we did not have the money until the cottage sold. The cottage was going to be listed for sale the following Spring 2012.
  • It was only after ‘legal separation’ was well under way that Mom and Dad developed some understanding as to why Kim became dysfunctional:

○    because the cottage did not sell in that 2012 season, this caused Kim to over catastrophize that we never intended to gift her that $15K

○     later in ‘legal separation’, we found out that Kim had multiple ruminations related to Mom and Dad money issues and going back 17 years.

  • Kim’s dysfunction progressed over 2013 to where she and her family became progressively estranged from Mom and Dad
  • With Kim’s estrangement, Judy and I were not seeing our grandchildren, ‘O’ and ‘R’
  • Judy already suffering massive physiological auto immune health failures then went into psychological distress at not seeing her grandchildren — to where she somehow rationalized that I was to blame for Kim’s estrangement and that ‘legal separation’ would allow her to again see her grandchildren.
  • Judy initiated ‘legal separation’ on October 23, 2013
  • In the Dear George Letter, she left me Judy said, “having Kim estranged from us was the kicker” to ‘legal separation’ and that “you made no effort to mend fences”.
  • Kim became figuratively the bus driver in ‘legal separation’ and Tracy was the navigator; Judy the hapless passenger would be self-medicating on any number of opiate pain killers to control her on-going acute health failures.
  • With ‘legal separation’ George becomes the ‘legal separation’ blood sport target and was figuratively thrown under the ‘legal separation’ bus
  • Judy’s lawyer, Fred Cameron, under Kim’s vindictive control ran the table on George.
  • On January 16, 2014, George received a legal letter prohibiting him access to his spiritual sanctum the ‘cabin’.
  • George became suicidal then irrationally determined that Judy could and would override her lawyer’s prohibition and allow him access to his beloved ‘cabin’ to say “Goodbye” one last time and to gather up personal property.
  • George and Judy met in the parking lot of her apartment building.
  • Judy was murdered January 16, 2014 by George’s hand!
  • 8 Heart murmurs may be readily heard by a physician as soft swishing or hissing sounds that follow the normal sounds of heart action. Murmurs may indicate that blood is leaking through an imperfectly closed valve and may signal the presence of a serious heart problem.

Judy had ongoing autoimmune and systemic health failure

Estrangement from our grandchildren, ‘O’ and ‘R’, was devastating to both Judy and myself; but it was particularly debilitating to Judy who was already in medical crisis suffering major chronic autoimmune health failures with:

  • Fibromyalgia
  • Polymyalgia
  • The genetic anomaly BORE
  • Kidney failure due to the genetic anomaly BORE
  • Ongoing hearing loss due to the genetic anomaly BORE
  • Depression and Anxiety
  • Arthritis
  • Achy joints9
  • Extreme fatigue9
  • Kidney pain and regular infections9
  • Irregular heartbeat9
  • Regular chest pains / Angina9
  • Auto immune failure9
  • Skin issues9
  • Hair loss9
  • Extreme sun sensitivity9
  • Migraines
  • IBS
  • Hemorrhoids
  • Pre-cancer skin spots diagnosed by Dermatologist
  • Sleeping issues from the compounded medical issues
  • Bursitis and arthritis in her feet causing the big toe to overlap the next toe
  • Judy regularly used a cane to assist in walking
  • Ankle and leg swelling due to water retention
  • Fingers swelled up to where she was unable to wear her rings; they had already been resized once
  • Water retention would cause her face to swell and her eye lids to close; she already had eye lid reduction surgery.
  • Angina (always carried nitroglycerine)

➣ The fore mentioned were all diagnosed maladies!➣ Plus, I believed that she had Undiagnosed ‘Lupus’ because she exhibited many of the symptoms.


9 Undiagnosed Lupus -Judy’s sister Christine had diagnosed Lupus. Lupus is an autoimmune disorder that can masquerade as a variety of conditions. Statistically 90% of those diagnosed are females. The diagnosis for Lupus can be tricky because there is no single test. It all comes down to medical history and current symptoms to determine Lupus. The most common symptoms of Lupus are:Achy Joints 95%Prolonged and Extreme Fatigue 81% Skin Rashes 74%Inflammation of the Kidney 50%Chest Pain 45%Sun Sensitivity 30%Hair Loss 17% Judy and I had already discussed the very great possibility of Lupus.
Lupus would have been weighing heavily on her mind in the Summer of 2013. Another major illness and the one that she had a genetic predisposition to because her sister Christine suffered Lupus and died with Lupus
Surgeries, Judy had been through a few!➣ Around 2010 she had her RH shoulder replaced➣ She had eye lid reduction surgery to counteract her eye lids closing due to water retention➣ In 2006, she had a partial facelift as feel good surgery. The surgeon jokingly said he removed a Big Mac from under her chin!➣ A LH shoulder replacement was already planned➣ Hip replacement was a definite option to alleviate the pain because cortisone injections every other month were no longer effectiveThere were days when Judy’s:

  • Fibromyalgia
  • Polymyalgia
  • Arthritis, and
  • undiagnosed Lupus

chronic pain was soooooo bad she wouldn’t get out of bed.
These days, Judy could not even tolerate sitting in her recliner in the front room or sitting in the car because as she would say “my ass hurts, my back hurts and so does my ear lobes and fingertips”. To top it off, her eyeballs hurt because many days she would have a migraine!
Just imagine! all that physiological chronic pain combined with the psychological pain from anxiety and depression of not being able to see your grandchildren because our profoundly dysfunctional daughter, Kim, had become estranged from us over reasons that we did not even know about.
 

Kim’s estrangement meant that Grandma Judy did not get to see her grandchildren, ‘O’ and ‘R’.

➢Kim’s actions constituted ‘abuse of her mother’.

I’m extremely pissed as I wrote this!!!

➣ On a daily basis, Judy would be taking up to 24 different pills that included prescription medication plus vitamins and minerals.

There were prescriptions for anxiety and depression.
For the constant and acute joint pain and migraines, Judy was prescribed Tylenol #4, Percocet, Oxycodone. She would pop these with abandon / pro nada.
For the chest pains, she carried Nitroglycerin.
She always had chewable 80 mg aspirin in her purse just as an additional precaution in case of chest pains.
Regularly, Judy received Vitamin ‘B’ injections at the doctor’s office.
Then there were the bi-monthly steroid injections in both hips to alleviate the pain. Hip replacement was a definite possibility in the future.
After a shoulder replacement year earlier, her Orthopedic surgeon was talking about doing the other shoulder replacement in the near future.
Bone loss X-ray scans indicated the onset of Osteoporosis.

I was constantly buying bandages and bruise cream to cover lesions and bruises on Judy’s arms and legs.
While Judy was not a diabetic, Judy had diabetic quality skin that would easily bruise and open up lesions that would bleed. Our little dog Laci exacerbated Judy’s lesion issues because Laci’s way to get Judy’s attention was to scratch Judy’s arms. Regularly I would apply tanning cream to Judy’s face, neck and arms to cover up skin issues.
After her Dermatologist’s diagnosis of pre-cancer skin spots on her face and arms years earlier, Judy had  yearly scheduled visits to review the latest spots, perhaps remove them and get prescriptions renewed.

Many will remember, Judy always wore long sleeves — well — the long sleeves were to cover up her arms. Judy was mortified after an incident in a variety store where the ignorant clerk asked, “What’s wrong with your arms?”. After that incident, it was pretty much long sleeves whenever Judy was out in public.
Judy was an obsessive pimple and scab picker and that would exacerbate her lesions bleeding.
Kleenexes dabbed in blood filled the wastebasket beside her recliner in the front room.
I bought her adult diapers (Depends) because she was too embarrassed to go to Wal-Mart to make the purchase herself.
Some days Judy’s IBS was worse than others.
While I never changed her Depends on more than one occasion, I cleaned up after her because she was unable to get to the bathroom in time. On some of those occasions: the bedding had to be changed; the  hallway to the bathroom and the bathroom floor needed to be cleaned up.

Systemic health failures meant that I became Judy’s Caregiver: On at least six occasions over the years, I took Judy to a hospital Emergency Department because she
was experiencing the telltale signs of heart and stroke issues with chest pains and tingling in her left arm. On several occasions, she was admitted and stayed overnight for observation and testing. On one
occasion in 2002, she was hospitalized in Naples, FL. due to chest pain and left arm tingling. On that
occasion like others, when the triage team detected an irregular heartbeat Judy was able to produce
medical documentation including an EEG scan showing that irregular heartbeat was a historical issue.
Fortunately, Judy was never suffering a heart attack or stroke but rather it was diagnosed as, anxiety
chest pains. ‘Angina’ was another term used to describe Judy’s reoccurring chest pains.

➣ Judy did not want anyone to know about her failing health whether daughters, family or friends because she didn’t want to be a burden on anybody — typical Judy. 

Only our family doctor, Dr. Ola and I knew the full extent of Judy’s chronic pain due to cascading systemic and autoimmune heath failures. BFF, Vicky, would have some knowledge due to the amount of time that they spent together. Years earlier, I had assumed responsibility for all cooking, grocery shopping and vacuum cleaning. Judy
did the laundry and I helped fold. I picked up the majority of her prescriptions and accompanied her on
all outpatient visits to hospitals in Welland, Hamilton and Toronto.
Every morning, I delivered Judy coffee in bed with a muffin and pb. Many mornings, I would go to Tim’s
and buy her favourite a XL French vanilla cappuccino and a Boston cream just to try to encourage her to
start moving.

With legal separation I agonized constantly over Judy’s health, always wondering whether she was warm and who was providing her caregiver services. Selfishly, I was also concerned who would be my caregiver going forward because I had ongoing memory issues.

➢ I was deeply wounded when in my discussions with Kim via e-mail during legal separation where I suggested that Judy needed me as her caregiver — Kim negated and marginalized all my efforts as caregiver by saying that” I wasn’t much of a caregiver because I spent so much time at the cabin!” (sic)

Kim’s statement, “I wasn’t much of a caregiver because I spent so much time at the cabin!” is significant and prima facie as to who was driving the legal separation bus.

Only Vicky could motivate Just to get out of bed in her dark days of pain

Judy literally had dark days of pain where the blinds had to be drawn to block out any light due the pain
any light caused when she was experiencing a migraine. On some of those occasions, Judy’s physical
pain would be so intense that she would not get out of bed for up to 3 days. While only our GP and
myself knew just how bad a shape Judy was in, Vicky our next-door neighbour and Judy’s BFF had some
information because:

  • Vicky was the only one to ever see Judy with her trays and baskets of medication, vitamins and minerals on her lap and on the floor around her as she organized her daily medication snap top containers. Judy would have 3 separate daily containers morning, noon and night — taking daily as many as 24 daily pills in all.
  • In later years, Judy would spend up to a month with Vicky at a FL. condo in the winter months. During those occasions, Vicky would have observed Judy’s daily medication regime of sorting out her meds into her weekly reusable pill dispensers labelled by day of week
  • Vicky would have also would have observed the grocery bag(s) of meds that I would pick up regularly at our Shopper’s Drug store.

I thanked Vicky, many times for being a good friend to Judy, because in those last couple of years, Vicky was Judy’s only motivation to:

  • get out of bed,
  • get dressed,
  • put her face on and
  • go shopping.

In as much physical pain as Judy was in, Judy always got out of bed when Vicky called to say, “Let’s go shopping”. On those occasions Judy would drag herself out of bed; take some meds to get herself stabilized; have a quick bath; put her face on; put on her rubber gloves to pull up her pantyhose (no Depends); and then, lay on the bed to pull the zipper tab up on her ‘Not-Your-Mother’s’ sparkly jeans with a pair of pliers.Judy like myself was absolutely committed to our daughter, Tracy and her girls; so whenever, Tracy called to say that she needed help to say pick the girls up at school or go to her house to accept a
delivery, Judy always was motivated to get out of bed and endure whatever pain she was experiencing.➣ Tracy and Judy would go to the Casino together occasionally; but Kim was never there in mother/ daughter activities.Another, friend Pat was motivational to Judy with the night outs she planned at the Shaw in NOTL with the IAAP girls. Years earlier Judy golfed with Pat and the IAAP group but like so many things in Judy’s life, Judy had to give golf up with the onset of fibromyalgia, polymyalgia and arthritis. I cancelled several solitary trips to the ‘cabin’ because Judy was totally bedridden and unable to care for herself due to pain. I would not leave Judy alone when she was that bad.

Dysfunctional daughter, Kimberly Ann

Legal separation had its origins in jealously and greed by our dysfunctional daughter, Kim. Kim’s estrangement reasons only became known later when the legal separation bus was already on the highway, so-to-speak
Kim believed that both Mom and Dad did not love her because we were spending so much time and
money in support of her sister, Tracy, who was a single parent with two daughters. Then there was the
catastrophizing, wounded feelings and paranoia that she would never receive her matching equal
payment of $15K because the cottage did not sell the first year that it was listed for sale in 2012.➣ It is still difficult for me to fathom, that Kim would ever imagine that Mom and Dad would screw her over for $15K.➣ The fact of the matter was that Kim was always a material girl and she monetized her relationship with Mom and Dad.As parents, we simply did not know Kim’s level of paranoia and dysfunction.
We had no idea as to why Kim became estranged from Mom and Dad over 2013. We simply hoped that whatever Kim’s problem(s) it would go away.
We didn’t want to interfere; we didn’t want to intrude on her space.
We were too kind and considerate to simply confront Kim and ask, “What is your problem?”
Kim’s estrangement meant that Grandma and Grandpa lost access to Kim’s children, our grandchildren, ‘O’ and ‘R’. Both Judy and I were deeply conflicted; we agonized over ‘What is Kim’s problem?’ We asked her sister, Tracy, to help reconcile with a family get-together for pizza and wings, but Kim was also shutting Tracy out.
We never did find out about Kim’s extreme animosity toward Mom and Dad over feeling unloved and unresolved money issues dating back 17 years, to when Judy provided day care for ‘O’, until the legal
separation bus took on a life of its own. By that time, both daughters had circled the wagons around
their mother, and it was all about ‘Get George’, in what was to become ‘legal separation’ blood sport.
With ‘legal separation’, vindictive Kim took over as driver of the legal separation bus, Tracy was the
navigator, Judy the unwitting passenger and then there were the bystanders cheering on the legal
separation dumpster fire.Kim’s involvement in our ‘legal separation’ was unprecedented!
To where, Kim was doing much of the communications with Judy’s ‘slime-bag’ lawyer in legal separation
— I know all this with absolute certainty because during the legal separation process, I always had
access to Judy’s e-mail.➣ Kim as driver and Tracy as navigator were in total control of the ‘legal separation’ process. When I asked, pleaded, cajoled and cried for reconciliation, Judy told me on various occasions:

  • “I promised Kim”,
  • “I can’t; I promised my daughters”
  • “I have to do this for my girls”, and
  • “I don’t want to disappoint my daughters”

Chronological Summary of Kim’s Dysfunction that led to ‘Legal Separation’

  • 1)   Christmas 2012 would represent the first red flag that there was problem(s) with Kim. That Christmas 2012, Judy and I spent with Tracy and the grand girls, ‘E’ and ‘A’, at Tracy’s home in Thorold, ON. Kim and family were in New York for the Christmas week; so, it was just Grandma and Grandpa with Tracy and the grand girls, ‘E’ and ‘A’, for Christmas Day. While the opportunity to go to New York was wonderful for Kim and family; the red flag was that there was never a Fraser family get together that 2012 Christmas season either before or after Christmas.
  • 2)   Kim and Tracy plus the grand girls, ‘R’, ‘E’ and ‘A’, went on a cruise. Judy was disappointed that she was not invited to make it a Fraser family girls cruise. But typical Judy she was just too polite and proud to ask if she could accompany them on that cruise.
 
  • 3)   Spring 2013, Judy went for a long weekend to visit her sister, Irene, in Newmarket. As Judy later related to me, at some point over that weekend Irene asked Judy “How are the girls?” meaning how are Kim and Tracy. Judy’s reply was “something is going on with Kim, but we don’t know what” (sic).
 
  • 4)   More Indications of Kim’s dysfunction:
  • a)   Kim and Troy used my GM vehicle purchase discount to buy a Chevrolet Volt. After the vehicle’s delivery, they never came around to show Mom and Dad their new electric vehicle and special purchase, as was the Fraser family tradition with major purchases. I eventually stopped by their home and asked for a ride in their new electric vehicle; Judy was never offered a ride!
  • b)   Judy by herself and on other occasions with me would stop by Kim’s home after church to just say ‘Hello’ and to see the grand children, ‘O’ and ‘R’. Often Kim would not even make an appearance by coming downstairs to see her mother (and father).

➣    Kim as driver and Tracy as navigator were in total control of the ‘legal separation’ process. When I asked, pleaded, cajoled and cried for reconciliation, Judy told me on various occasions:

  • c)   I would invite Tracy and girls plus Kim and family to numerous get-togethers at a nearby restaurant, ‘Cracker Jacks’, for pizza and wings. Tracy was always good to go but Kim that last year 2013 always had the excuse ‘we have other plans’.
  • d)   Tracy would invite Judy and I, plus Kim and family to numerous weekend swims and barbeques. Kim and family in that last year 2013 always had the excuse ‘we have other plans’.
  • e)   Never in that 2013 summer season was there a family swim and barbeque invitation by Kim as was the custom in prior years.
  • f)   Judy was deeply disappointed that Kim never came around to our home in Fonthill to see ‘Oscar’ our rescue cat. I can remember on more than one occasion Judy with tears in her eyes knowing something was wrong with Kim would say “she {Kim) hasn’t even come by to see Oscar!”
  • g)   On numerous occasions over 2013, I would stop by Kim’s home with the offer to spay herbicide or insecticide on the lawn on my way home from Tracy’s home after doing the same. The atmosphere was cold; I would go home and tell Judy ” I didn’t feel welcome!”
  • I particularly, remember one occasion where Kim was baking her wonderful cupcakes and I wasn’t even offered one of the broken cupcakes. Whenever, I went to Tracy’s if
  • she was making muffins or sticky cinnamon buns, Tracy would give me a whole tray to take home for both Mom and I to enjoy and she would prepare a whole new recipe to replace the one she gave me. Both Judy and I were always made to feel welcome at Tracy’s home!
  • h)   Kim and family never came to the cottage in the summer of 2013, as was their tradition for many years on the August 1st long weekend. No reason ever given other that “we have other plans”.

➣    As long as we owned the cottage, both Judy and I wanted the cottage, or ‘cabin’, to be a Fraser family retreat; we wanted everybody to leave with good memories knowing that they were always welcome to enjoy what we enjoyed. Both Judy and I were always pleased to hear ‘E’ say that her favourite place to go for summer vacation was the cottage!Both Judy and I were deeply conflicted over Kim’s estrangement.➣    Often Judy with tears in her eyes would say, “What’s wrong with Kim?” in total frustration.Judy would have also shared her frustration over Kim’s absence in our lives with her BFF, Vicky.

  • We made a BIG mistake by not confronting Kim’s estrangement from Mom and Dad head
  • on by asking Kim — “What’s wrong?”
  • But we were just too polite!
  • We didn’t want to interfere!
  • We didn’t want to intrude on their personal space!
  • We just hoped that whatever Kim’s problem was it would just go away!

➣    On those occasions when Judy with tears in her eyes would say “What’s wrong with Kim? “I would say you need to have a mother / daughter discussion with Kim, but that mother/ daughter discussion never happened, and Kim’s issues just continued to fester.

Summer of 2013

Even with the Kim and her family’s estrangement, I thought that Judy and I were in a good place in our lives in the Summer of 2013.’When life is going well, we need to be aware of self-deception!’

  • Judy and I had a magical 8 weeks at the ‘cabin’ in the Summer of 2013: For the first time in years, I was able to coax Judy to take a boat ride around the lake ostensibly because “Laci needs a boat ride with her Mom”. I remember that:
  • I had to bring the boat into shore where she could step into the boat because it was just too risky to even think about her accessing the boat from the floating dock because she was so unsteady on her feet.
  • Even though it was 80°F, Judy wore a windbreaker and a large sun hat due to her sensitivity to both wind and the sun. (lupus causes sun sensitivity)
  • Some mornings when Judy got out of bed at 11:00AM, her usual time, she would walk into the lake ‘au naturel!’ up to her neck. She never swam in later years because she didn’t want to get her hair wet.
  • Then she would lay on her lounge under a large umbrella on the dock with a towel covering her. No need to get dressed we were at the ‘cabin’! As always, Laci would be on her lap.
  • I would prepare a muffin with pb and a coffee with a special creamer as she always liked for breakfast and bring it out to the dock on a serving tray.
  • Most mornings, I would bring her e-book(s) and Bible because that was our routine both at home and at the ‘cabin’
  • Tracy and the girls, ‘E’ and ‘A’ came to the cottage for 4 – 5 days at the end of July 2013. We always enjoyed, our time with them being at the cottage to enjoy everything that it had to offer. Summer at the cottage was always a big eating time and while I seldom drank alcohol, I always made sure the refrigerator was loaded with coolers. Tracy and I, as always, had our quiet times together and I remember a couple of conversations related to Mom and I:
  • During that summer, Judy was developing some lung congestion and she would cough with what only can be described as a ‘terrible sound’ regularly. I talked with Tracy about Judy’s health and her joint pain issues, migraines etc. and told her that I was encouraging Judy to ask our GP for a medical marijuana prescription. Neither Judy or I had ever experienced recreational marijuana and Judy was vehemently opposed to trying marijuana without her doctor’s knowledge and or recommendation
  • Tracy also brought up the subject of our 50th Anniversary coming up in a couple of years, considering that in a couple of weeks September 3rd, 2013 would be our 47th Anniversary. I remember saying, ‘Please no 50th Anniversary announcement in the newspaper with the then and now pictures.
  • While moments of intimacy were infrequent between Judy and I, there was one occasion during that Summer of 2013 when Judy consented to intimacy.
  • Sometime after Tracy and the girls left the cottage, the seed was already in my mind about, ‘How are we going to celebrate our 50th Anniversary?’
  • I brought up the subject with Judy and suggested that:
  • I would like to have a 50th Anniversary recommitment ceremony at our church, Carleton United, with family and friends in attendance,
  • I would give her a special ring that I described as a Friendship Ring
  • Following the Recommitment Ceremony, my plan was to take everybody in attendance to the Mandarin Restaurant just down the street from the church.

➣    On those occasions when Judy with tears in her eyes would say “What’s wrong with Kim? “I would say you need to have a mother / daughter discussion with Kim, but that mother/ daughter discussion never happened, and Kim’s issues just continued to fester.

  • We talked about a 50th Anniversary cruise through the Caribbean.

➣    The suggestion of a cruise caused Judy to perk-up because neither of us had ever been on a cruise; yet, we had often talked about the possibility over the years.

  • We talked about a Class ‘A’ or a Class ‘C’ motorhome to resume our winters in Florida after the cottage sold. Later , I picked up brochures that made us both enthusiastic.
  • We talked about selling the matrimonial home in Font hill and moving into an apartment to liquefy assets, pay off a line of credit and give us unlimited opportunity to travel.
  • We had dreams:
  • I said I wanted to go to Las Vegas and Nashville
  • Judy said that she wanted to go to Washington in the Spring to see the cherry blossoms.

➣    Judy was enthusiastic to where she was going to check bus tour and weekend special package prices where we could go in the winter of 2013 -14 because for the first time in years she would not be travelling to a condo in Florida with her BFF, Vicky Time for a pause and for everybody to understand that in just 4 1/2 short months, Judy would be murdered by my hand!

September 1st, 2013 — Judy’s Birthday / September 3rd, 2013 — George and Judy’s 47th Anniversary

Due to the close proximity in dates, typically Judy’s Birthday and our Wedding Anniversary were celebrated on the same date.As I had done for many years, on the occasion of Judy’s birthday and our anniversary, Christmas or just on a whim, I would go out and do some gift shopping for Judy. One memorable year, that my family and her friends will remember, is when I purchased a beauty/spa package from Picasso’s Hair Salon for
around $500. That was the year, Judy had her hair styled and coloured to resemble Sharon Osborn’s.For the 2013 birthday and Anniversary gifts, I went to one of Judy’s favourite clothing stores, Zach’s, and
purchased $500 in clothes off the rack and some bling.By tradition for many years, we would invite Judy’s BFF and our next-door neighbour, Vicky over while
Judy opened the shopping bags of presents that I had purchased.
This year like all the other similar occasions in the past whether birthday, Christmas or just whim on my
part:

  • Judy would open the shopping bag; pullout a garment and hold it up
  • Both Judy and Vicky would “Wow — great choice!”
  • Then they would try to guess the price that I paid.
  • Judy would try the clothing item on by itself or with others: whether a blouse, shirt, jacket, slacks or whatever with the bling that I always purchased.

➣    Judy always appreciated my bright colour and sparkly selections because even though Judy was a senior, she was adventurous and young at heart.

  • Sometimes, especially any time I bought slacks or jeans, the clothing did not fit— no problem, Judy would return for exchange or a credit the purchased item using our joint debit-banking card.
  • Everybody happy, giggling and laughing; we’d all have some white wine most times Judy and Vicky would have multiple glasses.

➣   OBTW, the path between our home and Vicky’s home next door was referred to as the ‘Wine Route’.

  • Sometimes clothing items and bling would be tried on a second time using different combinations.

Then, we would all agree to go for dinner to a local restaurant. On the occasion of Judy’s September 1st, 2013 birthday date, we went to the Lazy Loon in Fonthill. Over dinner more giggling, laughing and white wine. I remember ordering a ‘hot brownie sundae’ and 3 spoons — that was the kind of relationship we had! That Lazy Loon dinner would be the last time that the 3 of us would ever be together again. In fact, Judy would be dead by my hand in 3 1/2 months.

What went so terribly wrong?

  • At that Lazy Loon, on that occasion of Judy’s 73rd birthday and our 47th Anniversary, something happened that would have contributed to Judy’s Perfect (Psychological) Storm. At that dinner, Vicky announced that she had reconnected with an old friend, ‘Tom’, from her days with the NRPS. They were already planning some enhanced socializing and a cruise together maybe in the offing as mutual activity partners.

➣  This announcement would represent a significant change in Judy’s relationship with Vicky as BFFs because for the last many years both Judy and Vicky did some travelling together including a month or so in Florida at a rental condo in Sarasota, FL. Judy would no doubt be thinking, ‘I’ve lost my activity partner’..Over that Birthday/Anniversary get together at the Lazy Loon around September 1st , 2013, Judy or I may have mentioned to Vicky that the situation with our daughter, Kim, was becoming more difficult because we were not seeing our grandchildren, ‘O’ and ‘R’.I remember, Judy did receive an e-mail and later a hand delivered Birthday card and perhaps a present from Tracy and the girls but no Happy Birthday acknowledgement from Kim who traditionally always came by our home on the occasion of either Judy’s or my Birthday with a card, token gift and cupcakes, a Kim specialty.➣  Later, Judy crying said, “Kim did not even acknowledge my birthday! — What have we done to Kim? Even as I write this, I have extreme regrets in not interfering with whatever was going on with Kim  – in retrospect, I should have immediately driven over to Kim’s home and confronted her with “What’s your problem with us (Mom and Dad)!”

 
We were just too polite and considerate of Kim’s space in hoping whatever Kim’s problem it would simply disappear.

By the end of September 2013 Kim’s dysfunction is cresting

  • 1)   Mid-September 2013, I returned to the cabin to start to get ready for the 2013 seasonal close. As always, Judy and I talked on the phone every other night — everything seemed normal. I would tell her about what I was doing at the ‘cabin’ and I would always relate whatever nature sightings I had made As always, I would ask about:
  • Are you and Vicky having fun?
  • Anything new?
  • Have you heard from the girls?
  • Judy said that she had been in contact with Tracy by e-mail but nothing from Kim!
  • 2)   End of September 2013, I’ve returned from ‘cabin’ and I’m back home in Fonthill. Judy and I are both sitting in the front room. The subject of Kim’s estrangement comes up; I remember saying that “We have to do something; we don’t even know what Kim’s problem(s) is (are). Judy tears in her eyes says again, “she (Kim) hasn’t even come by to see Oscar!”

➣  I had heard Judy’s anguish over Kim not seeing ‘Oscar’ before! I believed the ‘Oscar’ frustration was a metaphor for everything that was going on with Kim’s estrangement and Judy not seeing her grandchildren.I remember saying that I would try again to organize a Fraser family get-together for pizza & wings at Cracker Jack’s.
(Cracker Jack’s was a convenient neighbourhood family restaurant because both daughters lived in the same neighbourhood where the Cracker Jack’s plaza was located. Tracy’s home was basically just across the street from Cracker Jack’s Restaurant)
I e-mailed both Kim and Tracy for a get-together on the Saturday coming.

  • Tracy replied, “We’ll be there”
  • Kim replied “Busy other plans”

So, I e-mailed back to Kim, copy to Tracy, suggesting the following weekend a week away.

  • Kim replied that “They (Kim’s family) had other plans”

So, I e-mailed back to Kim, copy to Tracy, suggesting a get together a month away at the end of October 2013 after I returned from the cottage for the last time 2013 season.

  • Kim replied that “a Fraser family get-together would be just too stressful until she felt better”

WOW!!!I looked at Judy and would have said “What’s going on? Kim is saying a Fraser family get-together would be too stressful!”
I immediately forwarded Kim’s e-mail to Tracy and said something to the effect that “Mom and I
need your help to find out, what’s going on with Kim?”

I remember Tracy e-mailed back saying “Don’t worry Dad that’s just Kim; she has sand in her
underpants”
 — Tracy on more than one occasion used the terms “Kim has sand in her underpants”
related to Kim’s moodiness and refusal to attend any Fraser family get-togethers over the 2013 season.➣   Important to understand that Kim was not just refusing my requests for get-togethers, but also Tracy’s requests.I e-mailed back to Tracy asking her help to try to, “Get more details on How a family get-together would be too stressful?” and mediate on our behalf. Tracy e-mailed back saying that she “would try”.

  • 3)   Sometime around the first of October 2013, I would be preparing to go to the ‘cabin’ for the last time to close every down for the season and put everything away.

➣   My memory is indelible because this is the last time, I saw Judy in the matrimonial home!
I had everything packed in the vehicle and I was ready to leave. I never left until after 8:30 AM to let
the QEW Toronto bound traffic settle down. As always, I made Judy a mug of black coffee and
muffin slathered in pb. When I entered the bedroom, Judy would have been sleeping and Laci would
be sleeping on her back. As I moved closer to Judy, Laci would be showing signs of protecting Judy.
I put Judy’s breakfast on the bedside table and sat on the side of the bed next to her.
“I’m packed and ready to go!”
She told me, “Vicky’s aunt Marjory in NOTL had invited them for dinner sometime the following
week”

I would have kissed her on the cheek and said, “You and Vicky have fun!” “OK, I’m gone!”
Judy as always said, “Drive carefully!” “Drive carefully”
would have been the last words Judy ever spoke to me in our home in Fonthill.

In just 2 1/2 months Judy would be murdered by my hand!

  • 4)   So, I’m back at the cottage sometime during that first week of October 2013. We talk on the phone ever other night at about 8:00PM. The routine was Judy would call me because the Fonthill Cogeco phone call was free; whereas, if I called on the cottage Bell system, it was at an exorbitant rate. We had all the usual husband and wife conversations about what we were each doing. I told her a real estate agent had brought a couple by to check out the cottage property and another couple had expressed an interest in the adjoining undeveloped lot. We were both hopeful that the cottage would sell but we knew it was late in the season and the cottage market had cooled down considerably over the last couple of years.

➣   On one of those many telephone calls over the next 2 weeks, I remember saying, “I love you” and when Judy did not respond in kind, I asked her to tell me that she loved me.
Judy said, “I love you but sometimes I don’t like you”.
No alarm bells, this was typical Judy.

Judy’s Thanksgiving 2013 with Kim was “the kicker”

Sometime after the October 2013 Thanksgiving, in telephone call with Judy, I learned about the extreme stress, anxiety and despair Judy was in over the Thanksgiving 2013 dinner that she spent with Kim and family.
I believe that —

Thanksgiving Day dinner 2013 with Kim and family was the tipping point, that Judy referred to as “the kicker”, that pushed Judy over the edge to where she somehow thought that ‘legal separation’ would solve all the problems she was enduring over not being able to access her grandchildren ‘O’ and ‘R’ due to Kim’s estrangement.

Thanksgiving 2013, I’m still at the ‘cabin’; Tracy and the girls are invited to a friend’s home for dinner; Vicky would have been hosting Thanksgiving dinner for family; so, Judy asks Kim if she could join them for Thanksgiving dinner. Kim said she could (would allow) providing that Judy only discuss “work and school., nothing personal and no personal questions” (sic)

 ➣   Important at this point, to remember that Kim would not attend a Fraser family get-together that I had tried to arrange back in September 2013 because “a Fraser family get-together would be just too stressful until she felt better”.

When Judy related this Thanksgiving story to me, she was crying, and I could tell that she had been traumatized by being restricted in what she was allowed to talk about —
“work and school nothing personal and no personal questions”.

Again, she repeated a cry of anguish that I had heard before
“What have we done to Kim?”➣ I wish I did but I didn’t — I wish that I drove straight home after that telephone call to confront Kim directly as to why she had become so totally dysfunctional that she would disrespect her mother by restricting conversations to “work and school nothing personal and no personal questions” over that Thanksgiving day dinner! Legal Separation is now only days away and Judy’s murder is looming ever closer to that terrible day in January 16, 2014

How I found out about ‘Legal Separation’

I returned to Fonthill from the cottage on October 23, 2013 at around 2:30 PM . As soon as I drove into the driveway of our Hurricane Road home in Fonthill, I knew something was wrong. The front room blinds were down — ever since, we adopted ‘Oscar’, our rescue cat, we always had to keep the front room window blinds up because otherwise ‘Oscar’ would absolutely destroy them by crawling through in order to look out the window.➣ On entering the garage, I saw a party size pizza box and Styrofoam wing containers in the recycling blue box. I’m now thinking that ‘someone had the pizza and wing get-together that I had been trying to arrange back in September’.➣ When I entered the home through the garage door entrance, the home’s entrance security alarm buzzed to give me advance warning that the entry alarm was set. I’m now starting to panic because the entry alarm could never be set with Oscar and Laci in the house because their movement would set off the motion sensors. So, now I’m aware that neither Judy, Laci nor Oscar are home.➣ On the kitchen table was:

  • a)   ‘Dear George’ letter stating that Judy had initiated ‘legal separation’— “Kim was the kicker” and I “had failed to mend fences” (with Kim).
  • b)   Legal letter stating that I should immediately prepare and submit ‘financial statements’ to Judy’s lawyer in ‘legal separation’.
  • c)   Another legal letter rescinding my designations as Judy’s ‘legal’ and ‘medical’ power of attorney.

Shock, dismay and anxiety — I was totally blindsided!Everything changed in the time it took me to read the ‘Dear George’ and legal letters informing me that Judy wanted ‘legal separation’.
Everything was pulled out from under me — Here today gone tomorrow!
➣ I can still remember the moment, the feeling, and the helplessness. Heart pounding, profuse sweating, dry mouth, I collapsed into a recliner in the front room.What to do?

  • I had to talk to Judy because after all that’s what we did in a time of crisis, we sought one another’s counsel. I called Judy’s cell phone, but she did not answer, and I was only able to leave a distraught voice mail to please call me I am at home in Fonthill; where are you?
  • I sent an e-mail to Judy to ‘please call me or pick up if I call again’.
  • Then, I called Tracy, my daughter and BF; she was unavailable on her cell; so, I would have left her a voice mail to the effect that I needed your help — maybe “What’s going on Mom wants legal separation?”

At this point, I just started to convulse with tears.
Later, either Judy e-mailed, or Tracy called to say that the home phone in Fonthill had been forwarded to Judy’s cell and that I needed to cancel the ‘phone forward’ before I could start receiving calls on the hardline home phone system.
After multiple frustrating tries, Judy finally answered her cell phone. No idea what I said other than I was
crying, begging and pleading with Judy to tell me where she was and to please come home, I loved her
and whatever problems we had, we would work on them together.
As Judy’s caregiver, my biggest concern was her safety and wellbeing! I kept asking her to, “please tell
me where you are; I just have to know!”
 She finally told me that she was at her brother, Mike’s home in
Simcoe ON and that she was safe and warm.
After more crying, begging and pleading Judy finally agreed to return to Fonthill.
It was now about 4:30 PM and she said that she would arrive back home around 6:30 PM➣ WOW, I started to relax and again I am reminded, “that when things are going well beware of self-deception”. I remember going outside for a breath of fresh air and Vicky was in the driveway. I would had said that I learned that Judy wanted ‘legal separation’ on returning from the ‘cabin’ and that I had just talked to Judy and she had told me that she would be returning home to Fonthill and would be arriving about 6:30 PM. I remember, Vicky shaking her head and perhaps saying. “I don’t think so!” Then, I would have reaffirmed that Judy just told me she was coming home.
I talked to Vicky about the empty pizza box and wing containers in the garage-recycling box and said that ‘there must have been a party’! Vicky told me that ‘everyone’, meaning my whole family, had been at the house on Saturday night. This would have been 2 nights earlier before Judy left for her brother’s home in Simcoe.As I write this; I’m remembering like it happened yesterday.Going back into the house, I’m relaxed and thankful that whatever happened to cause Judy to jump over the edge into ‘legal separation’ was over. Judy would be returning home and we could talk and finally resolve the Kim’s problem(s) because as Judy said in her Dear George letter “having Kim estranged from us was the kicker” and that “you made no effort to mend fences”.
Looking around the house for the first time after returning home.
I spotted some items missing:

  • Judy’s closet was empty as was all her chest drawers in the bedroom
  • A picture of ‘Bo’ was gone from the bedroom
  • A parson’s table, gifted from her Mom and Dad, was missing from the front room Later I discovered that she had taken her dining room silver ware and other knickknacks that held memory for her.

6:30 PM arrived and went; no Judy back in Fonthill!
Panic, anxiety and fear again set in. I called Judy on her cell phone; she answered to tell me that she was not coming home and that she was in a Women’s Shelter. However, at that time, she would not tell me where the Women’s Shelter was located.
I then called my daughter and BF, Tracy.
Even though at this point, I now know Tracy knew about everything and was in fact the navigator on the ‘legal separation’ bus, I would have cried begged and pleaded for Tracy to help me. No doubt, I would have blamed Kim for legal separation considering Kim’s estrangement from Mom and Dad and the fact that Judy’s Dear George letter identified Kim as “the kicker” to initiate ‘legal separation’.
It would have been in that one or perhaps another telephone conversations with Tracy that I found out that Oscar was at Tracy’s home.
Tracy had a meeting with work cohorts that evening, and she was already en route when we cut off our last telephone conversation. I went directly to Tracy’s home and picked up ‘Oscar’, who would later save me from a suicide attempt Christmas Day 2013 and remained my only friend until the end. Judy’s Dear George letter initiating legal separation on
October 23, 2013 was the beginning of the end for me.
From that day forward, I lost everything!

‘Legal Separation’ represented ‘Emotional Death’ for me 


Judy’s Perfect Storm leading to ‘legal separation’:

Facts:

  1. Judy identified “having Kim estranged from us was the kicker” to ‘legal separation’, because Kim’s estrangement from both Judy and myself was resulting in neither of us seeing her grandchildren, ‘O’ and ‘R’.
  2. While neither Judy nor I was aware of the reason(s) for Kim’s estrangement, Judy’s Dear George letter blamed me because “you made no effort to mend fences”.

Now while Kim’s estrangement was “the kicker” to ‘legal separation’, Kim’s estrangement was only the tip of the iceberg because Judy had multiple other issues resulting in Judy’s Perfect Storm leading to ‘legal separation’
The following will peal back the layers and help explain Judy’s Perfect Storm that would have led to her dysfunctional decision that ‘legal separation’ was the answer to her problems:

  • 1.   Somehow, Judy had run up a $20K LOC on an RBC joint chequing account. While it was a joint bank account, I never accessed that account. It was set up maybe 15 years earlier when we purchased the Fonthill matrimonial home. That banking account was used exclusively by Judy; it was where her OAS, CPP and monthly $500 Annuity deposits were made. Judy also had a $3000 Manulife annual annuity payment that was deposited into this RBC account.
  • Typically, Judy had a monthly income in the $1500 range, that basically she used for whatever she wanted i.e. clothing, makeup, trips to FL. with Vicky, fun nights with the IAAP girls etc. Our agreement was that all church donations, gifts and presents be purchased from this account.
  • My retirement income and government pensions were deposited into a joint banking account with First Ontario CU that we both accessed for food, vehicle expenses, insurance and utilities related to both the matrimonial home and the cottage.

➣ WOW, I started to relax and again I am reminded, “that when things are going well beware of self-deception”.I have to think that the $20K LOC balance would be weighing heavily on Judy’s mind as to how she was going to explain it to me if and when I found out.

  • 2.   Judy had maxed out her Credit Cards (Master Card and Visa) to where she owed another $3K to $5K.

While Judy:

  • never really was in want of anything
  • went to the Niagara Casino occasionally
  • bought lottery tickets occasionally
  • shopped as often as she could but seldom made outlandish purchases

➣ Did Judy have a secret life that I was not aware of?

  • 3.   I had an active lawsuit for damages and to cover out of pocket expenses due to the physical assault that I experience from a neighbour in March 2010. The damages related to: 
  • a.    Cut over my RH eye requiring 4 sutures to close
  • b.    Loss of vision in RH eye
  • c.    Post-concussion vestibular issues
  • d.    Whiplash related symptoms
  • e.    I was diagnosed with:
  • Anxiety
  • Depression
  • PTSD
  • after that assault.

Typical of such lawsuits for damages, the other party counter sued for an outlandish amount even though he had been found guilty of ‘assault’. While I seldom discussed the lawsuit with Judy and my involvement in the ongoing legal action, it may have been weighing heavy on her mind at the time of the ‘legal separation’. I did however assure Judy that she was legally and financially insulated, because she was not named in the legal action and she owned everything: vehicles, matrimonial home and cottage on title. ➣ Judy was paranoid about the neighbour who assaulted me. She thought that he was watching her from across the street and was even stalking her when she was driving in the community. Because selling the home and moving into an apartment had already been discussed, we mutually agreed that we would accelerate those plans and that appeared to alleviate, somewhat, Judy’s fear of being stalked and living in the same neighbourhood as the person who had assaulted me.

  • 4.   The winter of 2014 would be the first in years that Judy would not be going to FL. with her BFF Vicky. For years as BFFs, Vicky and Judy had done a lot together including regularly shopping till they dropped. I always encouraged Judy’s friendship with Vicky because Vicky was the only one that Judy would get out of bed for when she was in extreme fatigue and pain including migraines due to her systemic health issues.

➣ On our 47th Anniversary and Judy’s 73 birthday, all three of us had gone for dinner. Over dinner, Vicky had announced that she had reconnected with an old friend, ‘Tom’, and that they were planning to take some vacations together. Vicky having a new activity partner had to be weighing on Judy’s mind wondering as to what her relationship with Vicky’s would be in the future.

  • 5.   Undiagnosed Lupus would have been weighing heavy on Judy’s mind. I had discussed with Judy the very great possibility that she had Lupus. Her sister Christine, who had been diagnosed with Lupus, died in her late 40’s with Lupus not necessarily from it. Judy had all the classic Lupus symptoms:
  • a.    Achy Joints – 95%
  • b.    Prolonged or extreme fatigue – 81%
  • c.    Skin rashes – 74%
  • d.    Inflammation of the kidneys – 50%
  • e.    Pain in the chest – 45%
  • f.    Sun sensitivity- 30%
  • g.    Hair Loss – 27%

10 Lupus victims experience symptoms according to the percentages shownMy diagnosis was in all probability correct in consideration that I correctly diagnosed her fibromyalgia and the genetic anomaly BORE before physician confirmation. ➣ The fact that Lupus was now a distinct possibility and knowing how her sister Christine suffered from the effects of Lupus — Judy’s depression and anxiety over her health would have been of major concern.

  • 6.   Judy’s heath was getting worse and I was concerned that she was just accepting it as a ‘fait acompli’.
  • a)    I was aggressively pressuring Judy to be more proactive about her health and try different options to reduce her use of opiate prescriptions: Tylenol #4, Percocet and Oxycodone.
  • While I never knew how much Tylenol #4, Percocet and Oxycodone Judy was using, I did know that she had ongoing repeat prescriptions because I was regularly bringing them home from our Shopper’s Drug Mart.
  • b)    I also was aware of the growing evidence that medical cannabis was beneficial for chronic pain and an alternative to the opiate medications:
  • i.   I wanted Judy to try ingestible cannabis as marijuana butter after a local Niagara disability / accessibility advocate and Order of Canada recipient, wrote an article in the local paper about how marijuana helped her cope with MS.
  • ii.    I talked about marijuana as being a possible ‘silver bullet’ with my daughter, Tracy, on several occasions and we agreed that the cannabis option for Mom was worth researching.
  • Important to keep in mind that neither Judy nor I had ever tried marijuana.
  • c)    I wanted Judy to make an appointment with a Naturopath, but Judy kept refusing because she thought it would be too expensive after hearing that a full initial analysis by a Naturopath would cost $500.

I was deeply conflicted over the anguish and pain that Judy was suffering 24/7. 
Judy would say, “my ass hurts, my back hurts and so does my ear lobes and fingertips”. To top it off, her eyeballs hurt because many days she would have a migraine!
—————————–
Judy’s systemic pain with declining health and ongoing autoimmune failures was leaving Judy with no quality of life.
 
We had multiple conversations, where I was no doubt verbally aggressive and emphatic that she had to be more proactive about her declining health.

The question begs, ‘Was I controlling because I was caring?’ or ‘Was I
caring because I was controlling?’
Either way I loved Judy and wanted the best for her.

  • 7.   Judy was obsessed about her weight gain. Unbelievable as it may sound, with all Judy’s pain, suffering, and all the medications, vitamins and minerals, she was taking — Judy was obsessed with her weight gain. She was buying volumes of over-the-counter diet medications, diet pills on-line and was purchasing scads of diet shake mixes, snacks and menu items from a local weight watchers type store.

On several occasions, Judy’s urinalysis had tested positive for a restricted diet medication, (Ephedrine), from perhaps one of those that she purchased on-line.➣ In reality, that weight gain would have been associated with longstanding water retention and steroidal medication(s).

  • 8.   While Judy was deeply committed to her Carleton United Church community and her responsibility as Chair of Worship, she desperately wanted to shed her Chair of Worship responsibility. This is because she felt that she could no longer fulfill the responsibility for a whole variety of reasons including some Sundays she was either unable or unwilling to get out of bed due the systemic pain that she was suffering.

Because the Carleton United Church Counsel was resisting her resignation as Chair of Worship, we were actively talking about changing Churches under the pretence that we wanted a Church closer to our Fonthill home location, but the real reason was Judy no longer wanted the burden and obligation of being the Chair of Worship.

➣ The thought of changing Churches and leaving her much loved Carleton Church community would have been weighing heavy on Judy’s mind.

  • 9.   During ‘legal separation’, when I suggested couple counselling, Judy said that she had “been in (therapeutic) counselling over our whole marriage and before that”.

I was not aware of this!
When I first met Judy in the fall of 1964, Judy mentioned that she had been in a failed relationship and had been receiving some counselling. She never disclosed why the relationship failed and I never asked, thinking best just to avoid the issue because it all happened before my time and besides, I didn’t want to pry because it had nothing to do with our relationship.My suspicions as to Judy’s disclosure that ‘she had been in (therapeutic) counselling over our whole marriage’ related to:

  • being asexual and perhaps even lesbian
  • childhood baggage — Judy always had an uneasy edgy relationship with her mother who was both physically and verbally abusive to her as a child,
  • disappointment with employment positions and opportunities, that included temporary agency short-term/fill-in positions, over the years, and/or
  • frustrated and unsatisfied expectations of becoming a teacher.

The fact of the matter is that both Judy and I were unhappy over our whole 47-year marriage.

  • 10.)   Sex was always a bugaboo in our 47-year marriage. In the last couple of years of our marriage, I was on testosterone replacement ostensibly for low energy and muscle atrophy reasons. The testosterone replacement was having the side effect of increasing my libido. No doubt, I would have been whining about unrequited love to where on a couple of occasions Judy said, “You can have (need) a girlfriend!” For Judy to say, “You can have (need) a girlfriend!” would have been an admission of her failure on so many fronts.

 It is significant that sex was the leading paragraph in that ‘Dear George’ letter that I received on October 23, 2013 telling me that Judy had initiated ‘legal separation’.

    • “it’s time for you to be free to chase your dreams”
    • “to have all the sex you want”

In consideration of all the issues that made up Judy’s Perfect Storm and the fact that nobody including myself knew how much stress and anxiety Judy was in at the time she made the decision to proceed with ‘legal separation’–by any objective analysis, Judy’s psychological and physiological issues were not conducive to clear well thought out thinking and her decision to proceed with ‘legal separation’ as a way to re-establish a relationship with her grandchildren ‘O’ and ‘R’.

Emotional Death

After October 23, 2013, when I received the ‘Dear George’ letter informing me that Judy wanted ‘legal  separation’, I refer to that time frame as Emotional Death.
My mind was a whirlwind that left me in a daze unable to focus and think clearly.
My losses were overwhelming.
I wanted to fix my family.
I wanted the mental and physical pain to go away.
My heart and my spirit were broken.
I reached out to everybody for HELP, but nobody was there when I knocked; no one was figuratively at home — they didn’t care!
No one would talk to me — everyone isolated me.
I was crying continuously for someone/anyone/everyone for HELP.
I was drowning in a sea of sorrow.
I would cry then I would go beyond crying,
Depression would become so intense that I would become totally numb and sit in a recliner for endless hours without moving a muscle.
I had anger but it was suppressed because there was no one to verbalize my anger.
Later the anger became 180° anger with thoughts of suicide.

 To me, it was unfathomable that my daughters supported Judy to end our 47-year marriage when neither had acted as Judy’s caregiver in any capacity or even concerned themselves about her deteriorating health. There was no one to provide the level of caregiving that I had already been providing Judy. I checked my day timer and saw the appointments that Judy had coming up where I was scheduled to accompanying her. I literally convulsed at the thought that she now had no full-time caregiver.  The thought of Judy making a solitary trip to St. Joseph’s Health Care in Hamilton when she had her annual outpatient Rheumatologist appointment was particularly distressing. I thought about everything that she would have to do alone: from the parking garage, to the covered walkway, and then the labyrinth travel in and out of elevators to where the outpatient reception desk was located. In all the years we made that trip, Judy never walked; I would push her in a wheelchair from place to place.I believe that I fainted/ blacked out/ greyed out on a couple of occasions because I just shut down from the unmanageable psychological and physiological pain I was experiencing. I had some history with fainting due to low BP and had experienced what were described as seizures where I lost consciousness on two occasions. My ‘Emotional Death’ went from bad to worse on the biblical scale of Job
I felt that my family had died.
I felt that I had died.
Everything that I loved and held dear was gone.
I wanted to find and fix my broken family.
I lost:

  • Wife of 47 years
  • BFF of 50 years
  • Daughters
  • Grandchildren
  • Extended family
  • Friends
  • Neighbours
  • Neighbourhood
  • Church
  • Community
  • Matrimonial home because I had no ownership on title
  • Our dog, Laci
  • My caregiver, Judy
  • My caregiver responsibility for Judy
  • My caretaker responsibility for single parent daughter and grandchildren
  • My BF, Tracy
  • My caretaker responsibility for next door neighbour, Vicky

How does one reconcile such losses?
I cried tears not just about ‘legal separation’ and the loss of everybody that I loved and held to be dear; but, I also cried tears from 47 years of marriage and 50 years of friendship lost; and, maybe even back to my unhappy childhood and when my biological father died when I was 3 years of age.
I was inconsolable every thought had catastrophic interpretation(s)
All my emotional feelings were:

  • negative
  • sad, and
  • Painful

My stress and anxiety were at the zenith because I had no way to chill or vent.
I was relentlessly self-critical and judgemental.
I blamed myself for everything that went wrong in our marriage to where our daughter, Kim, was totally
controlling the family dynamics
My ongoing panic attacks, anxiety and depression were in full sympathetic mode psychologically and
physiologically.
Literally, for at least the first week of legal separation, I could not sleep and seldom left a recliner in the
front room of our Hurricane Road residence.
I wasn’t eating and drinking only endless cups of black coffee and cans of Diet Coke.
I neglected my personal hygiene; I can still remember my t-shirt being stiff and dirty due to stress
related perspiration.
I was a mess as was the clutter around the recliner where I was 24/7!
In the early stages of ‘legal separation’, I went along with the ruse that Judy was at a
Women’s Shelter but after I started to access Judy’s e-mail, I learned the truth— Judy was at her sister,
Irene’s, home in Newmarket.Judy and her lawyer kept insisting that:

  • 1.   I complete my financial statements for legal separation to proceed, and
  • 2.   The matrimonial home be listed for sale

In the spirit of being a ‘good boy’ so to speak, I did start to prepare financial statements and the matrimonial home in Fonthill was listed ‘for sale’ at the low-ball asking price that both Judy and her lawyer thought would return a quick sale. The home was listed at the MVA price which was $20K below Market ValueBecause I always had ‘faint hope’ for reconciliation, I didn’t listen to my lawyer’s advice:

  • 1.   “Just move out of the matrimonial home because I didn’t own the property on title.
  • 2.   “Your wife created this mess let her clean up her mess!”
  • 3.   “Let your wife list the property!”
  • 4.   “Let them do all the work cleaning up and cleaning out!”
  • 5.   “Don’t get involved!”
  • 6.   “Close down all the joint bank accounts!” (sic)

 In the spirit of being a ‘good boy’ I did get involved in selling the matrimonial home. BIG MISTAKE!!! 

 I didn’t close down the joint bank accounts because I trusted Judy to not abuse the account. My thinking was Judy might need money even where she was staying in a women’s shelter. BIG MISTAKE!!!Regrets I have a few! Everybody just played me and suckered me along.
As hard as I tried, everything that I was doing had the opposite effect.
Pure and simple my reward for doing all the right things was I was fucked over:

  • 1.   “My reward for being a ‘good boy’ and facilitating the sale of the matrimonial home was the Temporary Mutual No Contact Order on December 5, 2013; whereby Judy and I were only allowed communication through our respective lawyers!
  • 2.   Judy drained the bank accounts!

Life Stress Scale

Since my incarceration, I have read “Dancing with Fear”, in my on-going search for what happened on January 16, 2014 and why I crossed over the line.
In that book, the author quantifies the Life Stress Scale.

EventPoints Assigned
Death of a spouse100
Divorce73
Marital separation65
Death of close family member63
Personal Injury53
Sex difficulties/repression39
Change in number of arguments with spouse35
Change in church activities20
Christmas12

Most people experience single stress events, I was the recipient of many with ‘legal separation’ that can be best described as a ‘cluster fuck’ using the vernacular.I lost:

  • My wife of 47 years
  • My BFF of 50 years
  • Daughters
  • Grandchildren
  • Extended family
  • Friends
  • Neighbours
  • Neighbourhood
  • Church
  • Community
  • Matrimonial home
  • My dog
  • My caregiver
  • My caregiver responsibility
  • My caretaker responsibility
  • My BBF, Tracy

 Then on that last day, January 16, 2014, I lost my cottage of 28 years My stress accumulation was intolerable to where my autonomic nervous system was a whirlwind and my sympathetic system accelerated my heartbeat and breathing. I was:    

  • trembling
  • sweating
  • cheat pains
  • nausea
  • lightheaded, faint
  • unsteady
  • hot flashes
  • panic attacks
  • numbness and tingling in my fingers
  • breathing was rapid and shallow

I was preoccupied with absolute thinking ‘What ifs?’, ‘Shoulds’ and ‘Why? ’My perfectionist personality made ‘legal separation’ worse because:

  • I had such high expectations for myself
  • Fear of rejection
  • Sensitive to criticism
  • Need to be in control

I had no vent; no one to talk to!

My depression and anxiety intensity were crushing:

Important to remind everybody at this juncture, that mental Illness does not represent the real person. Just how is someone cope with extraordinary losses?
I certainly did not have the skills or the tools.
Legal separation brought on and combined with my already diagnosed mental illness issues of:

  • Depression
  • Anxiety
  • PTSD, and
  • Post-concussion issues after I was physically assaulted in 2010.

 This was negative synergy working against me! All these adjectives could be used to describe my thinking as events and circumstances progressed from that day in October 23rd, 2013 when I was blindsided by Judy’s ‘Dear George’ letter telling me she wanted ‘legal separation’:

–        Overwhelmed–        Betrayed
–        Overburdened–        Rejected
–        Dysfunctional–        Reviled
–        Distraught–        Unloved
–        Depersonalized–        Hurt
–        Disoriented–        Distraught
–        Delusional–        Depressed
–        Delirious–        Defective
–        Despair–        Exhausted
–        Isolated–        Guilt / shame
–        Lonely–        Irrational
–        Unworthy–        Impulsive
–        Anger–        Self loathing

As can be seen, my emotions were all dark — there was no light at end of the tunnel that I found myself in.My core beliefs were:

  • – helpless
  • – unlovable
  • – worthless

I was:

  • – alone
  • – isolated
  • – lonely
  • – abandoned
  • – rejected
  • – reviled
  • – crying
  • – regretful for everything
  • – blaming myself
  • – chest pains
  • – profusely sweating

I fainted or blacked out on a number of occasions because:

  • there was no pressure release for my anxiety intensity that was crushing
  • naturally low BP, and
  • a prior history of seizures
  • ‘Catatonic’ would be apt. description

Blackout and seizures were not new to me: I had a couple of seizures or black outs where I lost consciousness after that physical assault in 2010 After extensive cardio and stress testing by a Niagara Cardiologist, no reason was ever found but historically low blood pressure, prescription drug interactions in particular a muscle relaxer ‘Baclofen’ and post-concussion related symptoms were considered possible causes.  It may be noteworthy that last day when I met Judy in the parking lot of her apartment building and I heard “Fuck You” for the second time, I have no recollection of events. My description for no memory recollection of events is that ‘I blacked out/greyed out or otherwise went to a dark place!’ Paramedics described me as being ‘catatonic’.

I was grieving

I now realize that I was in grief after Judy initiated ‘legal separation’. With ‘legal separation’, I lost everything that I loved and held dear. It was the end of a familiar pattern of behaviour. As I write this, I realized that subconsciously, I wanted to be part of Judy’s team. I wanted to give apologies, regrets and to show that I was contrite about everything that Judy had mixed feelings about. I wanted to take full blame for everything that caused Judy to think ‘legal separation’ was the path forward — if Judy would take me back then so would my daughters and we would be family again. Such is the dysfunctional thinking of a person mourning with mental illnessI had all the classic grief symptoms:

  • 1.)   Judy identified “having Kim estranged from us was the kicker” to ‘legal separation’, because Kim’s estrangement from both Judy and myself was resulting in neither of us seeing her grandchildren, ‘O’ and ‘R’.
  • a.  Hollowness of stomach
  • b. Tightness of chest
  • c. A sense of de-personalization
  • d. Lack of energy
  • e. Dry mouth
  • 2.)   Emotions:
  • a.  Sadness
  • b. anger
  • c.  Guilt
  • d.  Hurt
  • e.  Lonely
  • f.   Self-pity
  • g.  Self-loathing

All my emotions were related to feelings of being ‘Abandoned and Betrayed’

  • I was isolated and lonely
  • My family was denying my existence
  • 3.)   Cognitions
  • a. Disbelief
  • b. Confusion
  • c. Hallucinations and irrational thoughts:
  • i.   I’d hear a noise outside and look to see if Judy’s car was in the driveway
  • ii.   I’d walk around the house and look for Judy in all the familiar places
  • iii.  I’d imagine holding Judy and pressing her up against me
  • iv.  I dreamed that Judy came home! We would laugh about the kids
  • (Oscar and Laci} playing together. We’d both be watching DWTS.
  • d. Illusion of actually seeing Judy walk into the room
  • e. Triggers:
  • i.    Seeing a happy senior couple on TV
  • ii.    Waking up alone
  • iii.    Seeing Judy’s make up in the bathroom
  • iv.    Seeing Judy’s clothing in the closet
  •         (Oscar and Laci} playing together. We’d both be watching DWTS.
  • 4.)   Behaviours:
  • a.    Unable to sleep, my mind was a whirlwind
  • b.    Crying
  • c.    Social withdrawal
  • d.    Memory issues
  • e.    Kept Judy’s picture beside my chair
  • f.    I was pining for Judy’s return; so, that the Fraser family could be healed

 My grief was unbearable to where suicide was always on my mind.

 Suicide was my default — my primal scream for ‘Help’ 

 “The process of grief always includes some qualities of anger”11

  Suicide was my anger directed inward; Suicide is 180° anger I was not afraid of drying but I was afraid to live!

Like all grieving people, I regretted not being able to say “Goodbye”. I was inconsolable and heartbroken with the loss of my wife of 47 years and BFF of 50 years. Whatever was left after Judy departed the marriage and the matrimonial home was irrelevant, meaningless and worthless. After a time, I did what grieving people do, I tried to keep busy to distract myself by taking myself out of myself.

  • I hired a contractor to repair the garage door
  • I cleaned and polished the BR furniture and the DR12 suite.
  • I started to clean the floor tile grout
  • I raked the yard
  • Cleaned the fishpond

Delusionally at first, I wanted to have the house perfect when Judy returned; later when the ‘legal separation’ reality set in I just wanted the house to look good for real estate showings to prospective buyers. I just wanted the anchor to be sold! My grief was classic and the same grief that Cheryl Sandberg faced when her husband died unexpectedly and ‘friends, relatives and co-workers avoided her because they did not know what to say — they isolated her — that isolation made her grief worse’. Cheryl Sandberg’s isolation by friends and relatives was unintentional. In my case, the isolation was deliberate and purposeful; my family shut me out; my family wanted me dead! Kim in an e-mail said, “I hate you!” It is a recognized fact that:

  • “The key to the Grieving Conclusion is that thoughts, feelings and ideas about the deceased must be verbalized and heard by another human being to be completed communications13 ”
  • I cleaned and polished the BR furniture and the DR12 suite.
  • I started to clean the floor tile grout
  • I raked the yard
  • Cleaned the fishpond

11 Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, “On Death and Dying”12 Family will remember the missing drawer in the DR suite. Simple explanation the drawer front became disconnected and I removed to have it repaired. That missing dining room hutch drawer became the focus of me “stripping the matrimonial home” in legal letter.13 John James, “When Children Grieve”, 2001

  • Grieving a loss is something that is impossible to prepare for, especially, if one is blindsided with no forewarning of any kind

I never reached a Grieving Conclusion!
I had no one to talk to in my grieving ‘legal separation’ and the loss of everything.
I was a pariah.
Kim in an e-mail said, “I hate you!
My daughters hated me so much that given the chance they would treat me as a leaper and only allow me one possession a long pole with a bucket on the end to hold out and beg for food.
The leaper metaphor fits because I was treated as a leaper; no one would come near me.

Even today, 5 ½ years after Judy’s death I have bursts of grief!

Kim was the Kicker” to ‘Legal Separation

By any logical, objective analysis, I believe that our daughter Kim sabotaged our marriage. “Having Kim estranged from us was the kicker”, these are not my words but Judy’s words to me in the ‘Dear George’ letter that was left for me on my return home from the cottage on October 23, 2018. 

➣ Further evidence as to “Kim was the kicker” was in Kim’s Victim Impact Statement when she says, “In September 2013, I stated that I would no longer participate in family get togethers — I think this was the final reason why my Mom (Judy) decided to leave him (George) in October 2013.”Undelivered emotional communications had a direct correlation to Kim’s animosity to both Judy and myself: Kim became dysfunctional under the mistaken delusion that:

  • 1.   Mom and Dad did not love her as much as we loved Tracy. After Tracy’s legal separation and divorce both Judy and I spent an inordinate amount of time supporting Tracy:
  • Childcare for our granddaughters
  • Rebuilding and maintaining her home

Kim jealously thought that we were not giving her equal time but as I explained to Kim — she had Troy to support her; Tracy had no one other than Mom and Dad for support.

  • 2.   No matter how many times Kim talked about her childhood, it always contained the same emphasis and frustration on being allowed to have ‘only one cereal box open at a time’.
  • 3.   Kim was a very material girl and money issues played a huge role in her dysfunction and resulting estrangement from Mom and Dad:
  • a.)    At some point, I would have mentioned that Judy and I were considering skipping a generation on our wills; so that, our estate would be directed to grandchildren and great grandchildren equally. I would have explained that our reasoning was to help pay for education, student loans and help fund mortgages.
  • b.)    We promised Kim (and Troy) $15,000 after the cottage sold as a matching gift to one that we felt obligated to give Tracy immediately to demolish and reconstruct her home’s dilapidated front porch over safety issues due to wood rot. Because the cottage did not sell in 2012, the first year it was listed, that’s when Kim’s dysfunction started. Kim would have been catastrophizing that we were never going to gift her the $15,000 that we promised.
  • c.)    Kim had long time money issues with Judy going back 17 years to when our grandson, ‘O’, was a baby. When ‘O’ was a baby Judy provided day care for ‘O’; Kim paid Judy $25/week. Years later Judy provided day care for ‘A’, Tracy’s second child; Kim was under the mistaken assumption that Tracy paid Judy nothing for granddaughter ‘A”s day care. While it is true that Tracy did not pay Judy directly for ‘A”s daycare, she did however pay a cleaning service to come to our home monthly for what would be a comparable $25/weekday care payment.

 Kim never apparently never knew that Tracy paid Judy for ‘A”s day care by providing a monthly cleaning service to come to our home.

  • d.)    There was comparative value issues over Christmas gifts to both daughters and their families. Grandma and Grandpa were perceived as favouring Tracy and her girls after Tracy became a single parent.

Kim feeling unloved, unresolved childhood grievances and her own unresolved mental health issues metastasized to where Kim became estranged from Mom and Dad. With Kim’s estrangement, Grandpa and Grandma did not see their grandchildren, ‘O’ and ‘R’; we felt that Kim was holding them hostage from us! 

 It is also significant that Kim early in the ‘legal separation’ process wrote both Judy and I, an e-mail claiming all sorts of failings for both of us as mother and father and injustices that she suffer both in childhood and adult life. Kim closed that e-mail by saying “I hate you (Dad)!”“I hate you {Dad)!” was vitriolic hatred that was very disheartening considering how much I loved Kim or ‘Mingey’ as I called her as a child.That level of vitriolic hatred was also reason for Judy to continue with ‘legal separation’ by staying out of Kim’s dysfunctional firing line and evidenced by when I asked Judy to ‘please come home’ and ‘we will work though Kim’s estrangement problems together’, Judy would tell me:

  • “I promised Kim!”
  • “I have to keep the respect of my girls!”
  • “I have to do this for my daughters”

 Those statements by Judy are prima facie that Kim was driving the ‘legal separation’.

Kim was in mid-life crisis

The fact of the matter is that Kim was in mental distress that was not being addressed. The cereal box childhood memories no matter how many times the story is told contains the same tremendous emphasis of being cereal box abused because I would limit my daughters as children to only one cereal box being open at a time. Years after the event, it’s the same story still attached to the same feelings using up a huge amount of emotional energy.Depression in mid-life is blamed on deprivations during the childhood years. I am reminded of Patti Davis, Ronald and Nancy Regan’s daughter, who blamed her mental illness on the fact that both her mother and father did not give her enough love because they were too much in love with one another. Kim like Patti Davis dredged up childhood memories as blame for failings in adult life.“Childhood contrary to popular belief does not seem to be empirically or particularly formative; in that, childhood events do not influence or determine the adult personality. Coming to grips with your childhood will not yield insight into how you became the adult you are.” (M. Seligman 1993).This statement applies not only to Kim but also to Tracy, Judy and myself, because we all had childhood baggage that we dragged around behind us.In our gentile society, we always side with the victims. No one dares to speak ill of the victims for fear of criticism. I’m no longer in the business of being politically correct — when I say that — Kim was dysfunctional and her dysfunction sabotaged our marriage of 47 years.The fact of the matter is that Kim’s dysfunction over money issues and feeling of not being loved by Mom and Dad were resolvable issues if she had spoken up or if Mom and Dad asked her ‘What is your problem?’.

 Kim’s vindictiveness is self-evident, because normally a daughter would not want to known as “the kicker” to legal separation; but, in Kim’s case she thrived to where she leveraged her mother to wrest control of the ‘legal separation’ process and became the driver of ‘legal separation’. Kim abused her mother, Judy, by putting her own self-interests ahead of Judy and Mom and Dad.

Kim the kicker to ‘Legal separation’ became the driver of the ‘legal separation’ bus

Kim would have been jubilant once Judy made the decision to initiate ‘legal separation’.

‘Legal separation’ was pay back to both Judy and me!

Prior to ‘legal separation’, Kim’s dysfunctional animosity was directed to both Judy and I; after ‘legal separation’ got underway:
• I became the ‘blood sport’ target.
• Kim went from “the kicker” role in ‘legal separation’ to being the driver of the ‘legal separation’Once ‘legal separation’ got underway Kim took charge driving the ‘legal separation’ bus with Tracy as the navigator. You be the judge as to whether Kim was controlling the legal separation process:

  • 1.   Kim thwarted every effort and overture that I made for reconciliation and friendship with Judy to:
  • a.    Start couple counselling
  • b.    Renting an apartment in the same apartment complex or building so as to allow me to continue to be Judy’s caregiver
  • c.    Sharing custody of the pets, Oscar and Laci, or even having play days for them
  • d.    Being friends and start having Friday night dates
  • 2.   Kim was communicating directly with Judy’s lawyer in ‘legal separation’:
  • a.   The legal letter that I received after I vacated the matrimonial home stated that I had “stripped the matrimonial home” by taking the furniture and appliances that Judy and I had agreed that I would be taking with me to my new apartment.
  • b.   After the matrimonial home was sold, I was of no further use and they threw me out like so much garbage. That’s when the Temporary Mutual No Communications Order was issued on December 5, 2013, prohibiting Judy and I from contacting the other except through our respective lawyers.

 Important to understand that a Temporary No Communications Order could have been issued for me alone, but Kim would have wanted it to be ‘mutual’; so that, Judy would not have second thoughts and contact me, knowing full well that I never gave up hope for reconciliation.

  • c.    The legal “no trespassing” at the ‘cabin’ letter that I received that last day January 16, 2014 has Kim’s fingerprints all over it.

 In Kim’s NRPS Statement after my arrest Kim stated, “He (George) loves the cottage”. The January 16, 2014 legal letter prohibiting me from going to the place that I loved the most was designed to be the final vindictive take away by my dysfunctional daughter who was telling me “I hate you”.
14 In Dear George letter that Judy left for me on October 23, 2013, Just referred to Kim as “the kicker” to ‘legal separation’ Judy was murdered January 16, 2014, the day I received the legal letter prohibiting me from accessing my cottage/sanctum of 28 years

  • 3.   Kim was hyper-aggressively communicating directly with both:
  • my and Judy’s family physician, and
  • my geriatric mental health counsellor

to malign, churn and convey the message that I was abusive and controlling and that’s why Judy left me. It was Kim’s message to everybody who would listen that “Judy should have separated from George years ago” (sic)
Kim’s actions after ‘legal separation’ got underway were designed to deflect her role as “the kicker” to ‘legal separation’. As I said in the beginning of this document, “rather than looking at the stones being directed toward a target — look at the stone thrower / the distractor / the deflector.”

  • 4.   Kim was the author of all the George — the Boogey-man stories to make Judy afraid and fearful:
  • to go to Church
  • to go to the pet groomer
  • I was going to steal or damage her vehicle to where a kill switch was installed in her vehicle
  • I would find out her address
  • I would lay in wait and stalk her at her RBC banking location on Glendale Ave

➣ Important to note none of that happened; even though, I had all the information. I had access to Judy’s e-mail throughout ‘legal separation’ In consideration of the foregoing, you be the judge as to who was driving the ‘legal separation’ bus.

Faint Hope for Reconciliation

I fully cooperated in selling the matrimonial home and I kept the joint bank accounts open because I always thought that there was faint hope for reconciliation.

This is because in the early stages of ‘legal separation’:

    • Judy in one e-mail transmission signed off — “Love Judy”. In another e-mail, she signed off “TTUS”, ‘talk to you soon’.
    • Judy confessed in a telephone conversation in the early stage of legal separation, that “legal separation might be the worst decision that she ever made”.
  • She appeared to open to Friday night dates after legal separation and maybe eventual divorce.
  • She even said that “maybe we would have to get remarried”.
  • She appeared to be open to play days for both our respective animals Laci and Oscar15
  • She said that she would consider me having an apartment in the same apartment complex where she would eventually move into to allow me to continue being her caregiver and caretaker support
  • I’m even enthusiastically suggesting that we do all our apartment shopping together and I would unpack and set up in her new apartment
  • I suggested Judy move back into the matrimonial home in Fonthill and I would move into the basement until her new apartment in St. Catharines was ready for her occupancy.
  • I wanted Judy and Vicky to plan the decor and set-up of my new apartment.
  • Judy was pleased that I cashed in a Registered Pension Plan for $12K netting $8K after taxes and deposited the money in a joint bank account. That $8K was to be used to pay expenses for both the matrimonial home and at the ‘cabin’ plus the money would be available to Judy just in case she had a need.

 We were talking civilly; that civility in itself gave me faint hope for reconciliation.I was delusional thinking that if I am a ‘good boy’ there is ‘faint hope for reconciliation’.
I was a sucker!
Everybody was playing me!
I was being used!

➣ The full extent of just how stupid I was didn’t become apparent until December 5, 2013, when I received the Temporary Mutual No Communication Court Order of ‘no contact and no communications’ after the sale of the matrimonial home was finalized. That Court Order signified that I was of no further use or value.

15 Later when I had access to Judy’s e-mail account, I learned that Kim killed this idea

Selling the Matrimonial Home

I should have listened to advise from my family lawyer in legal separation. “Don’t’ get involved in selling the matrimonial home; your wife owns the home on title; just pack-up your stuff and move out; let her clean-up the mess she created with ‘legal separation’.” (sic)

Important to keep in mind that I did not own the matrimonial home on title; there was no joint ownership. Judy owned the Fonthill matrimonial home outright.

Long story short, I didn’t listen to legal advice!
I fully cooperated with Judy and her lawyer in selling the matrimonial home in the spirit of being a ‘good
boy’ for faint hope ‘reconciliation’:

  • I arranged for a real estate agent locally to list the home.
  • I agreed to a low-ball selling price at $20K below market value.
  • I staged the home for customer viewing in accordance with real estate agent’s wishes.
  • Because the real estate agent did not want a cat in the home when an “Open House” was scheduled, I would take ‘Oscar’ with me in the car for up to 2 hours.
  • I cleaned-up and I cleaned-out, making several dump runs.
  • Judy and I had come to a civilized mutual agreement as to what I would be taking and what to leave behind for her when she eventually returned to move her stuff out with the help of family and friends.

 At no time did my family over the period from October 23rd to the end of November 2013, when I moved out, offer to help me in any way either emotionally or physically. Still difficult to imagine daughter, Tracy, not even dropping by to offer some assistance when I was by her side so totally in her legal separation and in her move to the handy man house in Thorold. Even now, I’m in pain due the pain that Tracy inflicted because she was more than a daughter, she was a BF.I had one incident where Judy and her lawyer wanted the real estate agent to have unrestricted access to the home with a real estate key box or the front door entry access code. I could not allow that for fear that ‘Oscar’ would somehow escape because he always tried to get outside any time the doors were open. I simply could not take the chance of losing ‘Oscar’. When I protested ‘slime bag’, Judy’s lawyer, in legal separation, instructed Judy to remove $8,000 from a joint bank account that I had set up to pay utilities at both the cottage and the matrimonial home. The reason for the $8K withdrawal was that if I was not going to give the real estate agent laissez faire access to the home then they would have to seek a Court Order to have a locksmith enter the home and change the locks. What unmitigated BS! All my efforts related to selling the matrimonial home were trivialized and dismissed — no one
seemed to understand how difficult it was to do it alone — no one offered to help.
Not Judy, my daughters nor my son-in-law
They were all just waiting to pounce and criticize.What a fucked up bunch of takers!

Judy lost her Christian values during ‘legal separation

Judy’s lost her sense of Christian values once ‘legal separation’ got under way. Prior to ‘legal separation’,
both Judy and I had Christian values.
Many times, over the years, Judy and I would pray together.
We always said grace before meals.
Judy spent ½ hour each morning doing bible study and reading the scriptures.
On occasions, when a replacement Minister was not available, Judy would lead the Church service and
present the sermon.
Judy believed in Jesus Christ our lord and saviour who practiced:

  • Forgiveness
  • Compassion
  • Kindness
  • Sympathy
  • Love

However, that was all forgotten with ‘legal separation’, because at no time was there forgiveness, compassion, kindness, sympathy or love directed toward me.➣ With “legal separation’, it was as if Judy had become a different person. As I write this I am reminded of what my family lawyer in ‘legal separation’ said at our first meeting and I’m paraphrasing, “most people would say that you only really know someone after you have been married to them; I would say, you don’t really know someone until you go through ‘legal separation’/ divorce” (sic). Then he said, “close down all joint bank accounts” but I didn’t do that because I trusted my wife of 47 years.

➣ I should have listened to my lawyer’s advice because in ‘legal separation’ Judy became a person that I did not know!

  • She drained the joint bank accounts
  • She willingly threw me under the ‘legal separation’ bus to where my losses were on the biblical scale of Job

➣ In ‘legal separation’, Judy had no concept of fair play and ‘Let’s do this civilly’.Judy was down and dirty grovelling for nickels and dimes in the dirt.
I purposely kept all bank accounts open; so that, she would never be in need of money.
I did this contrary to legal advice!
My lawyer in legal separation said “close down all bank accounts” on our first meeting. I didn’t because I trusted my wife of 47 years.BIG MISTAKE — Judy drained the bank account

➣ Judy made incremental $500.00 Debit Card withdrawals in the early stages of legal separation to the tune of $3K.

➣ I put $8K into a joint bank account for both of us to use as need be and to pay utility bills on both the matrimonial home and the cottage; Judy withdrew the total $8K.

  • Judy would not even:
  • allow me my prescription glasses that were in the vehicle she was driving
  • sign over ownership of the vehicle that I had in my possession

BIG MISTAKE — Judy owned both vehicles on title

  • Even though Judy owned the matrimonial home on title, at no time did she come home to help facilitate the property sale nor did my daughters.

BIG MISTAKE — Judy owned the matrimonial home on title With no family help, I alone facilitated the sale of the matrimonial home. My thanks on the day of the legal closing, December 5, 2013, I was slapped with a Temporary Mutual No Communications Order of ‘no contact except through our respective solicitors’ ostensibly because I served no further use.

  • After I vacated the matrimonial home, I received legal letter claiming I “basically stripped the matrimonial home” when I took only the items, that Judy agreed that I would be taking.
  • A drawer was missing from the DR suite because it required repairs. Even though, Judy knew about the drawer requiring repairs, that didn’t stop her and her lawyer making BS allegations re. “stripping the matrimonial home”.
  • Then there was an allegation that a 50″ plasma TV worth $3000 was missing from the basement — there was never a 50″ plasma TV worth $3000 in the basement — it was a 28″ LED worth $198.00.

 Everything became exaggerated!

  • Then on that last day, January 16, 2014, I received the legal letter telling me “no trespassing” on our cottage property of 28 years. I was not even allowed on the property one last time to gather up keepsakes from my maternal grandfather and to say Goodbye to my best boy ‘Bo’ who was buried on the property.

BIG MISTAKE — Judy owned the cottage property on title

I had access to Judy’s e-mail throughout ‘legal separation’

The reason that I had access to Judy’s e-mail, < idyllours.jf@gmail.com >, was very simply because I had set up that Gmail account she used for ‘Skype’. While she could and did change the pswd, my e-mail account was the back-up e-mail account for pswd confirmation and recovery.
With access to Judy’s e-mail during ‘legal separation’, I had a unique insight into Judy’s diminished mental state. I could see how dysfunctional and malevolent Kim was, in figuratively, driving the legal separation bus with Tracy as navigator.

Judy was manipulated by both daughters during ‘legal separation’; to where, she was a back-seat passenger on that ‘legal separation’ bus headed straight for Hell. I knew about all the ‘Boogey-man George’ stories that Kim was authoring:

  • 1.)   Judy would not go to Church until around the beginning of January 2014 because:
  • a)    I’d be waiting in the parking lot or hiding in the bushes to grab her
  • b)    I would damage, disable or steal her vehicle because I had a set of keys.
  • c)     I would be hiding in the back seat when she returned to her vehicle.

 On my daughters’ recommendations, Judy had a ‘kill switch’ installed on her vehicle. I knew where that ‘kill switch’ was located from information gleaned on Judy’s e-mail.!

  • 2.)   Judy was warned not to go to the pet groomer because I’d be lying in wait to grab her.

With access to Judy’s e-mail I knew:

  • 3.)   That Judy was never in a Women’s Shelter after about November 7th, 2013. When she left Simcoe, ON., on October 23rd, 2013, her brother Mike drove her directly to her sister’s home in Newmarket, ON. Judy’s vehicle remained in her brother’s garage until she moved into her new St. Catharines apartment.

 As distressing as it was to have everyone laughing about my stupidity in thinking Judy was at a Women’s Shelter receiving counselling, it did give me some small satisfaction in knowing how stupid they were because I basically knew where, when, how why and what Judy was always doing all the time

  • 4.)   That Judy was advised by everybody to drain the bank accounts.
  • 5.)   When Judy was coming to St. Catharines with Irene to view and finalize the 128 St. Augustine apartment property
  • 6.)   That Judy’s apartment Manager had been given a description of me; the vehicle, Saturn Wagon that I was driving, the licence plates and a request to report any sighting(s) immediately to the NRPS. (OBTW, That’s why I borrowed a friends vehicle to see Judy on that last day / the day Judy was murdered)
  • 7.)   That the NRPS had details of my vehicle description and my description for the officers on patrol in the area to be on the alert. (thanks Shawn)
  • 8.)   Grandson ‘O’ described Judy’s new apartment as a “warm place”.
  • 9.)   I knew that Tracy had met a new man, ‘Neil’, and that Tracy wanted to talk to Judy about him and all the possibilities that Neil presented. (That was only days, before that last final day January 16, 2014)
  • 10.)   I read with some joy about Judy’s triumphant return to Carleton United Church at the beginning of January 2014 after an absence of more than two months.That Judy was advised by everybody to drain the bank accounts.

16 I have the last pswd that Judy used for <idyllours.if@gmail.com>That e-mail account is probably still active, please contact me for pswd. There may be some interesting e-mail regarding the legal letter of January 16, 2014 prohibiting me from going to the ‘cabin’.</idyllours.if@gmail.com>

Suicide was my default

Up until ‘legal separation’, I had always been a survivor to where my ego could defeat any threat or rise above any obstacle. But, with ‘legal separation’ my ego had shrivelled to where I was saying that I can’t cope; the way out for me was to die.
After I received the Dear George letter where Judy told me she wanted ‘legal separation’ on October 23, 2013, thoughts of suicide came easy!
I was beside myself with anguish and frustration that my dysfunctional daughter, Kim, was able to orchestrate the destruction of the Fraser family. It still hurts went I reflect back to that day when I was blindsided by Judy wanting ‘legal separation’.

 Those thoughts of suicide were empowering and actually gave me the courage to commit suicide!17

 Thoughts of suicide put me in control of my jagged emotions as I walked the line between ‘Should I carry on?’ or ‘Should I die?’

 Thoughts of suicide were comforting; they gave me a focus and allowed me to turn down my anxiety volume.

I felt that I was the victim after being ‘Abandoned and Betrayed’ by family and friends.
I lost self-confidence, self-worth and personal self-esteem. My mind was broken; my heart was broken.
I wanted to stop the hurt.
I wanted to die.
Even though, my life out of control, making me feel weak and helpless thoughts of suicide were empowering.
Thoughts of suicide put me back in control of myself because I had the control to take myself out!
I thought of suicide many times, in the months following Judy initiating ‘legal separation’ even called the St. Catharines General Hospital’s Crisis Line for help but hung-up before anyone answered because I was too embarrassed to be identified as suicidal. Also, I knew that I would be identified on their call display and I did not want any intervention by the authorities. My mental illness and my thoughts of suicide were personal, and I wanted to keep it that way!
I would have never walked into an Emergency Room at either the Welland General or St. Catharines General shaking, dishevelled and crying and then having to sit there waiting for a triage nurse to determine my need. As sick as I was with mental anguish, I was too proud to be identified as suffering mental illness with thoughts of suicide.
Sometimes, delusionally in those dark days, I wished that I could be diagnosed with a terminal illness and given a few months to live. Being diagnosed with a terminal illness had the advantage over suicide, in my distorted thinking, because just maybe with a terminal illness:

  • Judy would return, as would
  • my daughters, and
  • we could be family again!

I know what you are thinking, “This guy was sick”.
And, you are exactly correct in your thinking.
I was mentally sick with oppressive depression. With no family, no friends, no love and no joy –
I just wanted to die!

17 Unlike Nietzsche who said “thoughts of suicide saved many a life”If I died, I couldn’t be hurt by my families ‘abandonment and betray’ anymore!
If I died, I wouldn’t hurt anymore!

 That’s what mental illness is all about irrational/distorted thinking!

First suicide attempt — Christmas Day 2013

My first attempt at suicide was Christmas Day 2013 with an overdose of medication, Seroquel and Effexor, that I was prescribed for anxiety and depression.
So many issues that I was unable to process:

  • 1.)   On that Christmas Day 2013, I could not cope; I was overwhelmed and overburdened. There were simply too many issues and losses for me to process and cope.
  • No wife of 47 years and BFF of 50 years
  • No Christmas tradition of me buying $500 worth of clothing off the rack and miscellaneous bling; then having Vicky over for white wine and laughs, while Judy opened the shopping bags and tried the clothing on.
  • No family Christmas Day breakfast
  • No special treat for ‘Laci’
  • No seeing the Fraser family together
  • No exchanging Christmas presents
  • No turkey in the oven
  • No Fraser family Christmas dinner
  • No Judy’s carrot cake
  • No Christmas kitchen traditions that would include George:
  • grating carrots and onions
  • preparing the squash —always a Judy favourite that had to be on the menu
  • making stuffing for the turkey
  • cooking the turkey
  • No chocolate peanut clusters and cherry chocolates from Pat
  • No ‘thanks for helping out’ gift from next door neighbour, Vicky
  • 2.)   Christmas with family and Church traditions were intertwined rituals that made December 25, 2013 so overpowering. We had many Carleton United church traditions at Christmas because of Judy’s involvement as Chair of Worship and because she served on the Counsel for many years:
  • As Chair of Worship Judy was responsible for Church decorations and it was my job to assist her:
  • by getting the decoration box(s) down from the attic.
  • by helping with the window candle displays
  • by helping decorate the Xmas tree
  • Together, we made additional contributions; whether, it was for a new Christmas manger scene or a Wi-Fi system etc.
  • For the last many years, we always paid for the buns at Church fundraising dinners.
  • There were occasion(s) when we purchased the pizza for the after-service lunch.
  • At the Christmas time, I would volunteer my time selling Xmas trees a couple of shift a week and occupy my down time waiting for customers by cleaning all the baptismal brass.

Before that last Christmas 2013, I begged and  pleaded with Judy to allow me to attend Christmas Eve candlelight service with her and Vicky as chaperone.
No reply from Judy!
Judy’s silence had more to do with the fact that Kim was driving the ‘legal separation’ bus.
You might recall, when I asked Judy for ‘reconciliation’ her reply was “I can’t I promised Kim”.
Kim’s agenda was break-up the ’47-year marriage’ and ‘Get George’ because as she told me in that e-mail “I hate you!”

  • 3.)   I was still figuratively bleeding, after my Christmas present to grandchildren, ‘E’ and ‘A’, was rejected by their mother, my daughter and BF Tracy.

The following will explain: Judy and I always give grandchildren ‘E’ and ‘A’ a Christmas card with money. I wanted to continue that tradition on my own knowing that Judy would be doing the same.
So, at some point before Christmas 2013, I e-mailed Tracy that I wanted to drop off a Christmas card with money for both girls.
Tracy replied by e-mail, that “she would rip-up the card and donate any money to charity” (sic).


 That Tracy rebuff was significant and never to be forgotten!More to say on Tracy later, but suffice to say I was deeply wounded by not just my daughter but my BF to whom I was her primary caregiver after her ‘legal separation’The cumulative issues of ‘no Christmas’, ‘no family’ and ‘no Church’ traditions resulted in:

  • I was beyond sad
  • I was 180° angry
  • I was empty
  • I just wanted to die

I simply could not understand, why was I being shut out? when I still loved everybody dearly. I could accept ‘legal separation’ but I could not understand being “Abandoned and Betrayed’!
It was as if I no longer existed! All alone in my thoughts with no one to talk to. I tried to resist persistent thoughts of suicide but that just made them more persistent. While I knew Judy’s address, I still wanted to give her space and never did seriously consider driving to her apartment building until that last day January 16, 2018. I knew Judy’s address because Fred Cameron, Judy’s lawyer in ‘legal separation’, breached/ client solicitor privileged information and disclosed it to me as: 128 St. Augustine Drive,
Apt #111,
St. Catharines, ON.
on December 5, 2013 in real estate legal documents.
Sent a Christmas Day e-mail: I sent Judy or Tracy an e-mail on that Christmas Day 2013 afternoon after imagining, that at the time, Judy was exchanging gifts or perhaps having Christmas dinner with our daughters and our grandchildren. My dog Laci would have been in the middle of the happy family mix.
In that e-mail:

  • I attached pictures of my new apartment. I was trying to convey the message that I was happy in my little Fenwick apartment while quite the contrary was my reality — I was suicidal!
  • I also tried to alleviate Judy’s fears by saying that I was no ‘Boogey-man’ stalking her in the dark and around every corner. I may have even alluded to the fact that I knew Judy’s address to alleviate her fears by letting her know that even though I knew her address information I had never acted on that information.

 From having access to Judy’s e-mail, I knew how destructive Kim’s ‘George the Boogey-man’ stories were on Judy’s psyche

By sending that Christmas Day e-mail, I was hoping for at least a civil “Merry Christmas” even a cynical “Hope you are enjoying your Christmas because we are!” but nothing!
There was no e-mail reply / no “Merry Christmas” phone call!
Now, I’m in full suicide mode looking for a place to hang myself but nothing high enough to attach a rope or cable.
Settled on prescription meds, thinking an overdose would be easy!

 

Saved by Oscar

Christmas Day 2013, sitting in a recliner, crying all alone in my apartment in Fenwick, I ingested a handful of prescription medication. But I wasn’t totally alone because my only friend ‘Oscar’ was with me in the apartment. For those wondering who is ‘Oscar’?
He was my rescue cat; the best friend of Laci (our dog) who I was never allowed to see with legal separation.
Well Oscar saved me from death that day by jumping into my lap perhaps to console me because I would have been crying.
He nuzzled me as he always did when he was looking for attention.
Perhaps, I imagined that he loved me.
But what Oscar did by nuzzling me was bring me back to my senses because if I died, he might also die from starvation.
This is because no one would ever come looking for me, not even my landlord because my monthly apartment rent was paid automatically with automatic bank withdrawal.
I couldn’t let Oscar die a terrible death by starvation because he depended on me, loved and trusted me.
I forced myself to vomit by ingesting hydrogen peroxide.
I always had hydrogen peroxide in the medicine cabinet, and I knew that hydrogen peroxide would cause me to wrench and throw-up the contents of my stomach because of an experience many years earlier when my dog ‘Bo’ ate some Warfarin at the ‘cabin’. On the instruction of our Veterinarian at the time, I was told to force hydrogen peroxide down Bo’s throat with the result that he would vomit up his stomach contents including the recently ingested Warfarin.
Bo lived, as did I from drinking hydrogen peroxide as an antidote.

➣ Again, the reminder ‘when things are going well beware of self-deception’. I lived that day only to suffer a more horrendous death by inflicting death blows because in only 2 short weeks Judy would die by my hand!

After suicide attempt — I had new lease on life — I wanted to live!

After that near-death suicide incident, I tried to turn my life around.
I started to go daily to the Welland Wellness Centre to do fitness and cardio.
I was having coffee and lunch dates with numerous women that I met on on-line dating sites.
I found myself to be very popular and while I had no bedtime stories to tell, I do well remember some moments of enjoyable bliss.
I was feeling very good about myself and felt that I had moved on with my life.
I was seeing a social worker I therapist and she seemed enthusiastic about my progress in working through the ‘legal separation’ and moving on with my life. In her last report on me dated 2014/01/08 she stated, “Writer met with client in his new apartment in Fenwick. George presented as well dressed,
full of energy engaging and very positive. The signs of anxiety with pressured speech, slight tremors,
disorganized thinking were not present. George stated that he is moving on (with his life) and has signed
up online for a website to meet women”

By the second week of January 2014, I was in a good place mentally:

  • On-line dating sites were a veritable candy store for me; my self-confidence and self-esteem had sky-rocked due to my popularity.
  • o I was also actively planning my first trip to the ‘cabin’ in maybe March or April 2014. I already had boxes and laundry baskets packed and ready to go to the ‘cabin’ in a closet.
  • o I even signed up for Ballroom dancing lessons to begin the evening of January 16, 2014 that I never got to attend due the tragic events that happened that evening.

I was a cultural Christian:

I was a Cultural Christian and Judy would be defined as a Biblical Christian.
I knew about Jesus; Judy knew Jesus Christ.
I was a passive Christian; Judy was an active Christian.My religion can from a variety of sources:

  • 1.)   Christianity- because I recognized God’s creations in the flora, fauna and aqua biota. I believed that my appreciation of nature was God speaking to me.
  • 2.)   Buddhism gave me an understanding of the interdependence of everything.
  • with interdependence, we have empathy
  • with empathy, compassion follows
  • Compassion is the most fundamental tenet of Buddhism
  • I had compassion
  • 3.)   Druidism because I loved trees. Trees are an important symbol of many religions:
  • a.    Druids worshiped oak trees
  • b.    The Iroquois had the Pine Tree of Peace
  • c.    The Buddha meditated under the Bodhi Tree
  • d.    There was a Tree of Knowledge in the Garden of Eden

The tree is something comforting, stable18 and connected.
I had favourite trees everywhere I travelled.
When I visualized the cabin property, I could mentally walk from tree to tree. I knew the trees where the birdhouses were located, where the flying squirrels nested and where the racoons spent their sleeping hours in the big old yellow birch on our cottage’s undeveloped lot.

  • 4.)   I was always a big fan of Dr. Albert Schweitzer’s philosophy of “reverence for life” because “reverence for life” meshed with my stewardship ethos for the environment.
  • 5.)   I was also a big fan of the Ralph Waldo Emerson’s Utilitarianism that most fundamentally believed that ‘a walk in the woods was a walk with God’.

18 A stand of bristlecone pine on Wheeler Peak in eastern Nevada is known to contain several trees over 3,000 years old, and one of them, Mathesula, is thought to be about 4,900 years old.

The cabin19 , my little piece of Heaven

Judy and I both loved ‘the cabin’ but as I used to joke, “the cabin was like sex, I enjoyed it more than she did!” In later years, even though the cabin offered superior basic accommodations, Judy’s trips to ‘the cabin’ became less frequent and only in the summer and early fall when it was seasonally warm.At the ‘cabin’, Judy named it ‘ldyllours’, I was deeply invested in environmental stewardship for the flora fauna and aqua biota in and around Bray Lake. After my family and my best boy, ‘Mr. Bo Jangles (Bo)’, the cabin was the joy of my life. My family was well aware of my love for the cabin and we often spoke about the ‘cabin’ as a personal entity.

  • I had flower gardens specifically planted for the butterflies and hummingbirds
  • Seasonally I had 12 hummingbird feeders over the cabin’s 5-acre property
  • Maybe, as many as 25 birdhouses around the ‘cabin’ and the surrounding bush. Those birdhouse were not just for the birds but also the chipmunks and mice.
  • I was reporting to biologists at the University of Guelph on bumblebees that I was monitoring and believed to be ‘rusty patch bumblebees’. ‘Rusties’ are Canada’s only endangered insect.
  • In June, I would cover the snapping turtle nests on my pea gravel beach with chicken wire to protect the eggs from predators. While the hatchlings could move with ease through the 2″ wire openings, if I was present when they hatched, I would remove the mesh net covering and if need be direct the hatchlings into the lake.
  • Annually, I dragged an artificial loon-nesting platform into the water 100′ off the near shore. Many years the same pair of loons nested and raised a chick; one year there was 2 chicks. I had a front row seat from my dock watching the parents taking turns on the nest and then later watching them rear the chick. One year, I had the joy of watching a loon chick fledge and take progressive flights around our bay on the lake.

 I was one of a very few people who had success with artificial islands, nesting platforms, constructed specifically for loon nesting.

  • Two seasons over my 28 years at the ‘cabin’, I had wood ducks’ nest in a box especially constructed for that purpose.
  • Mergansers, mallards and Canada Geese were regular visitor to my beach and cottage property in the spring and early summer before the young were able to fly
  • In one of my earliest years on the lake, an Osprey pair nested on the big island known as Bear Island
  • In my last years, turkey vultures were common around the lake and Bald Eagles were an irregular occurrence.

 Early in my incarceration, I corresponded with a cottage neighbour and found out that that a Bald Eagle pair nested on Bear Island. That news brought tears to my eyes before the smile to my face.

  • I knew special fishing spots that I seldom fished other than in the late fall when all my cottage neighbours had left for the season.

19 There may still be some sites up that I created to promote the cottage property as being for sale. There was a and a couple of sites. A google word search for ; ; and should bring it up. Check out <Youtube.com/watch?V=sx3ap3ms5gm> Both my daughter Tracy and her former husband Shawn knew where those secret fishing spots were located; in fact, one was named after ‘Shawn’ when I discovered it in the middle of the lake from sonar readings one day when we were fishing together.I took my ecosystem stewardship responsibility seriously to where when I was writing this script, I realized that I was prepared to take a bullet if necessary, in order to protect the ‘cabin’. I recall several incidents at the ‘cabin’ where I confronted:

  • an AH on the water over his harassment of a mother loon and chick with his boat’s wake.
  • another AH neighbour who almost run over a loon chick with his floatplane.

Likewise, I was always overprotective about my family. I always worried about my daughters getting their fingers caught in a car door even as adults. I vividly remember one incident that reinforced my fears about people getting their fingers slammed or pinched in a car door when it happened to ‘A’. On that occasion, granddaughter ‘E’ closed a car door on ‘A”s finger’s — Ouch!In later section of this document, I will describe Judy’s murder as a ‘Crime of Passion’ albeit a ‘convoluted Crime of Passion’ where I was protecting the ‘cabin’ that I loved from a hostile takeover.

On that fateful day when Judy was murdered, I loved the ‘cabin’ more than I loved my wife!Both Judy and I loved sharing the ‘cabin’ experience with our grandchildren, ‘O’, ‘R’, ‘E’ and ‘A’. We encouraged them to bring friends because we wanted the ‘cabin’ to be welcoming to family and friends. We wanted the lasting legacy of the ‘ldyllours cabin’ to be all about good memories.There will be pictures of the good times with me and the grandchildren fishing; others with each grandchild holding up a big one or sometimes a small one, held out at arm’s length to distort the size perspective of the fish. LOLOf course, I always had to bait the hooks and release the fish but only after the perfunctory kiss on the fish’s mouth from Grandpa. I knew where to catch the big ones, always Small Mouth Bass. We kept a few for dinner but by-and-large live released the majority.In the evening, we could always catch both perch and Small Mouth off the dock by either casting or still fishing with a worm or a minnow on a bobber. Sometimes I would purchase bloodsuckers and while more expensive than basic night crawlers they always produced fish.Then there were the evening campfires on the gravel beach. Smores, sparklers and Troy jubilantly singing campfire songs was the tradition. LOL
20 Thanks, Shawn, for showing up in court on one of the days of my Pre-Trial, I recognize that even as police officers both yourself and Barry would have struggled wondering ‘What happened to George and Judy?’’A’ was great at burning marshmallows but never ate them; she’d give them to Grandma Judy who ate them with gusto!In later years, it was difficult to get Judy out around the campfire because she felt so uncomfortable in her own skin with her ever present chronic pain; she just wanted to sit inside in the recliner and watch everybody around the campfire from the comfort of the cabin’s kitchen patio door.

The ‘cabin’ was my spiritual sanctum

The ‘cabin’ was more than a cottage where I practiced environmental stewardship. It had been my mental retreat and spiritual sanctuary for over 28 years.
It was a place where I could mentally travel and enjoy all that it had to offer without actually being  there.
It was the place where I wanted my ashes scattered.
The ‘cabin’ was my ‘nirvana’, where I imagined that I could be in complete harmony and oneness with the interconnectedness of the universe.
The ‘cabin’ to me was sacrosanct.
At the ‘cabin’, I was at peace and imagined myself to be in harmony with nature and God’s creatures. It was as if I learned from Ralph Waldo Emerson that “the happiest man is he who learns from nature the lesson of worship”.

Most places of worship have a central focus like an altar.
My altar at the ‘cabin’ was the dock where I could sit and view God’s sacraments of nature: the flora, fauna and aqua biota.
Sitting at my altar on the dock, I felt that I was able to grow into my spiritual awareness and try to experience the harmony of self between the mind, the body and the spirit.
On the dock, I imagined that I could relate to God through the ecosystem.
My spirituality of love and joy was always at the forefront when I was at my altar on the dock.

Some friends and family have heard me say, ‘I had a 14 years old’s mentality’.
A ’14-year old’s mentality’ was true in many respects but it was particularly true at the
‘cabin’ where I had the spontaneity of a 14-year-old:

  • I didn’t have to colour between the lines
  • I could do what I wanted when I wanted
  • My agenda every day was “Let’s go and play outside”
  • Thoughts of “should” and “have to” were minimal

Jesus said, “Unless you become a child, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven”21 . While Jesus didn’t mean “become a child” in quite the same context as I am using, nonetheless, that quotation is appropriate to my agenda while I was at the ‘cabin’.

Sitting on the dock, I was totally relaxed.
I would quietly hum Ottis Redding’s ‘On dock’ama bay’.
Evenings on Bray Lake were like a fine hymn and the hymn that always came to mind was “Nearer my God than thee” – “Even though it be a cross that raiseth me,

  • All my songs shall be,
  • Nearer my God than thee”

The lake was solitary;
I was solitary.
To me, the lake’s solitude was happiness.
I loved and embraced the lake’s solitude.
“Silence is the great spiritual revelation. Silence is prayer” 22
21 Matthew 18(3)22 Ralph Waldo EmersonTo a lesser extent, in the early days at the ‘cabin’ Judy was young again as we canoed around Bray Lake. She would drop her top in the secluded areas behind Bear Island. We’d have a shore lunch and then go in for a swim at favourite beach or sand bars. In those days, our best boy ‘Bo’ was always with us. In the early days, before the cottage road was plowed by the township, we would cross-country ski into the ‘cabin’ for a weekend.
Those were the good old days; the ‘cabin’ held wonderful memories for both Judy and I.

 I’ve got tears in my eyes writing this because I’m thinking about:

  • 1.)   Judy’s last years when she could not or did not want to get out of bed due to the acute pain that she was in, and then I think about
  • 2.)   All those photo albums of the ‘cabin’ where we had sooooo many memories stored.
  • 3.)   Those photo albums would have all been thrown out like so much garbage with ‘legal separation’; in the same way, our 47 years marriage and 50 years of being BFF was thrown into the dumpster like so much garbage.

Considering that I have tears in my eyes as I write this you can well imagine what kind of shape I was in that last day January 16, 2014 when I opened the legal letter from ‘slime bag’, Fred Cameron, telling me that I was no longer allowed on my spiritual sanctum of 28 years, the ‘cabin’, that held soooooo many memories and that I loved sooooo much!

Spiritual Death’ January 16, 2014

I woke up on the morning of January 16, 2014 full of energy looking forward to my schedule for that day:

  • I would be going to the Welland Wellness Centre for an hour or two to do some exercises and cardio in their weight exercise facility
  • I had a lunch engagement with a wonderful lady that I had met on-line who I enjoyed very much as a social friend. Today’s luncheon date would be a 3rd date. Earlier we had been to the Niagara Casino and had been to the movie, ‘Lion on Wall Street’.

 (OBTW that lady is the beautiful lady pictured in my album on <facebook/georgefraser>. I am most fortunate and grateful that she is able to look past my conviction and prisoner status to communicate with me and to occasionally visit me at my home at the Bath Lodge)

  • January 16, 2014 was also the evening that I had signed up for those Ballroom Dancing lessons. While I was apprehensive about the dancing lessons because I knew that they would be a challenge given the fact that Judy always said that I had ‘two left feet’; I saw the Ballroom dancing lessons as a welcome diversion from ‘legal separation’. I desperately wanted to move on with my life!

 Again, “When life is going well be wary of self-deception!”

January 16, 2014 was the day that I would experience “Spiritual Death” and Judy
would be murdered by my hand!

As usual, I started my day by feeding Oscar, then a black coffee and a muffin slathered in pb, had GMA on in the background, opened up my laptop to check for any new e-mail.  That’s when everything changed, and my life went from being good “full of energy, engaging and very positive and moved on”23 to where I wanted to die because there was an e-mail from my wife’s lawyer aka ‘slime bag’ in legal separation stating that:

  • a.    “Judy I would never be friends
  • b.    I would never see my dog Laci again
  • c.    I was not allowed on the cottage property” (sic)

➣ Figuratively that e-mail was “Spiritual Death” Up until that last day, January 16, 2014, there was still one place, one salvation where I could go mentally whenever I felt depressed or anxious about my Emotional Death losses with ‘legal separation’ — that place was the ‘cabin’.
The ‘no trespassing’ legal demand on my beloved ‘cabin’ was figuratively a kick to the groin. I literally bent forward wrenching in pain and trying to catch a breath.
I would have gone into a catatonic state where I would have literally shut down.
➣ The loss of my beloved ‘cabin’ was a devastating blow that I refer to as my “Spiritual Death” because I considered my ‘cabin’ to be my special retreat where I could be at one with nature. It was my spiritual sanctum, my little piece of heaven’; it was sacrosanct.
23 January 8, 2014 Report notation by my geriatric mental health counsellorAt some point, I tried to contact my lawyer representing me in ‘legal separation’ but he was not responding to either e-mails, texting or cell phone calls. When I telephoned his office, I was only getting his voice mail.
It was only later after the incident that I found out that he was in Court.
➣ I had absolutely no one to talk to because they had already abandoned me.Afraid and all alone
All my thoughts had negative interpretations
My mind was a cyclone going around and around
Pain filled my whole horizonI remember the crushing chest pain and wondering if I was going to die.
Pain demolishes clear thinking and objectivity.
My anxiety was paralyzing to where I immediately defaulted to thoughts of suicide to destroy the unbearable pain and sheer futility of living.
Thoughts about the loss of the ‘cabin’ all had catastrophic interpretations.
I thought about: never being able to sit on the dock again! what would happen to all my fishing equipment?; not being able to retrieve my arrowhead collection; not being able to see Bo’s grave again; what would happen to my maternal Grandfather’s tools that he had given me?; and, then there was all my ‘cabin’ stewardship responsibility.
I would have been:

  • Delusional
  • Dysfunctional
  • Overgeneralizing
  • Catastrophizing

There was no point in living if I could not go to the ‘cabin’.
Without ownership rights, I could not even mentally seek respite relieve by envisioning myself at the cabin, sitting on the dock with a loon wailing across the water or walking the property with the chipmunks scampering around my feet. On January 16, 2014, I already had a closet filled in my apartment with boxes and laundry baskets filled with what I needed to take to the ‘cabin’ for that first trip of the season in March or April.

I wanted desperately to die to stop the pain!
Having experienced Emotional Death with the loss of everyone, I loved in my life with ‘legal separation’ and now Spiritual Death with the loss of the ‘cabin’, it was abundantly obvious my family wanted me to die. So why not die, nobody cared!

I planned my death by suicide!
I started to plan my death in detail by means that would allow my beloved Oscar to be found.
I didn’t want a repeat of my failed suicide attempt on Christmas Day 2013.
The plan was to commit suicide on my apartment patio after dark when no one would be around to see;
but I would be found the next day and Oscar would be rescued.

The Plan was to position my upper body over a knife with its handle buried in the soil to the hilt.
The knifepoint would be directed to my heart.
24 Grandfather’s tools included wood plane and level that he used to construct his barn I would hover in a push-up position over the blade and drop.
I knew that once I started to drop, I did not have the upper body strength to pull back. There was no way
I could chicken out; this was a failsafe plan.
The stab to the heart would be a fatal wound. All I need was an acceptable knife!

I checked my kitchen drawers but none of the knives had a suitable blade to go through the ribs — I needed the knife penetration to be lethal and not just a wound.
Some of the blades were too short, too long, too wide — what I needed was a fish-filleting knife that I had used many times at the ‘cabin’.
There were three filleting knives at the ‘cabin’ but none at the apartment.
I had lots of time before dark; I would simply go and buy a quality filleting knife.

Bought The Knife

At some point that morning of January 16, 2014, I left my apartment in Fenwick to purchase a knife and some canned cat food for Oscar. I knew exactly the style of knife that I wanted, a fish filleting knife, and the canned cat food was necessary in order to prepare a meal for Oscar exactly the way he liked it with a couple of tablespoons of canned cat food.My first stop was the small hardware store in Fenwick, but they had no fish filleting knives on display because fishing equipment was a seasonal display item.I then drove to the plaza in Welland where the Walmart and the Canadian Tire Store are located. Went into the Walmart, because that is where I did most of my grocery shopping and that’s where I always bought Oscar’s canned pet food. I would have purchased extra cans of cat food for Oscar to have when he went to his new home. I just naturally thought, that my daughter Tracy would inherit Oscar because Kim already had 3 cats at her home.Next, I would have gone to Walmart’s Sporting Goods section.
Not entirely sure why I didn’t buy the fish filleting knife at Wal mart because they would have had a selection of knives — maybe the prices were higher than I was prepared to pay.
So, drove over to the Canadian Tire Store in the same plaza.
There I found what I wanted. They had exactly the knife I wanted, a Rapella brand, and it was on sale as a two pack: one knife had a 7” blade and the other was a smaller version with maybe a 5” blade. I only need one knife but the package of 2 knives was cheaper than others single knives on display.
I proceeded to the self-checkouts.
While I don’t have absolutely clear recollection of actually paying for the knives –the details all came out at my pre-Trial because:

  • NRPS were able to track my movements through the Canadian Tire Store on their CCTV security cameras, and
  • my sales slip was produced at the pre-Trail showing that I paid for the knives with a Debit Card and Canadian Tire coupons.

 What is the mindset of someone who would purchase a murder weapon using Canadian Tire coupons?After exiting the store, the CTC store’s security camera footage showed that:

  • I drove to where garbage containers were located in the parking lot’s buggy corral
  • I disposed the knife’s plastic packaging and the sales slip into one of those garbage containers.

 NRPS retrieved both as evidenceAfter opening the plastic packaging, the smaller knife went into my vehicle’s glove box because, I didn’t need that one; the larger one, I would have put into my jacket pocket with the blade encased in the sheath.
That day I was wearing my red fleece jacket with very deep side pockets.
Even though it’s January 16th and the temperature would have been cold, I do remember sweating profusely because I would have been in full anxiety mode.

How I arrived at the decision to see Judy

After I had purchased the fish-filleting knife, I remember driving to the Tim Horton’s on Niagara Street,
5 minutes away from the Canadian Tire Store. I was shaky, sweating and needed to try to relax because my mind was a cyclone.
I would have:

  • 1.   ordered my usual a Medium black coffee and a Boston Cream.
  • 2.   after receiving my order, I drove to a parking space at the front of the Tim’s and parked
  • 3.   still sweating profusely, at some point, I took off my red fleece jacket that I was wearing and putting it on the passenger seat; perhaps feeling the jacket to make sure the knife that I had purchased earlier was safe and out of sight in a jacket pocket
  • 4.   the t-shirt and the sweatshirt that I was wearing were anxiety soaked.

I’m now starting to relax knowing that I had everything that I needed to commit suicide later that evening.I would have thought about:

  • 1.   The lunch date that I had committed to days earlier with a lady that I had met on-line. I didn’t want to go through with that lunch engagement because socializing was not a priority considering that I was planning on committing suicide.
  • 2.   Somehow, I’d have to communicate with her that I would not be able to do lunch with her today.
  • I may have tried to call her, but my cell phone’s volume control was not working.
  • I may have even tried texting her, but I was new to texting and I could not be sure that I was doing it properly.

Finally decided that I would drive by her home in Welland to tell her in person and offer apologies for not being able to do lunch.➣ It was always a fault of mine that I never wanted to break a promise or trust whenever I made a commitment. That in a nutshell is the reason, why I never broke my marriage vows to Judy over 47 years of marriage.

  • 3.   I also would have thought about the ballroom dancing lessons that I had signed up for that evening. I had no intention of showing up at the Welland Wellness Centre for those lessons and no explanation would be necessary for being a no show.

➣ At some point in my cool down, I had an epiphany of sorts that I did not have to die!

My Epiphany of sorts:

While so many events are fuzzy that day, I do remember with astonishing clarity ‘How’ and ‘Why’, I arrived at the decision to see Judy.I rationalized, in my irrational state of mind, that all I had to do was see Judy because:

  • Judy of all people would understand how much I loved the ‘cabin’
  • Judy and I always talked things over
  • Judy would allow me to go to my spiritual sanctum by overruling her ‘slime bag’ lawyer

I was overwhelmed with undelivered emotional communications to Judy::

  • I wanted to apologize
  • I wanted to ask forgiveness
  • I wanted to talk about good times and how in the past we always made it through the bad times
  • I wanted to offer regrets
  • I wanted to talk about memories, hopes and expectations
  • I wanted to know the latest on my grandkids and ‘Laci’
  • I wanted to know how her health was
  • I wanted to know who took her to her St. Joseph’s Health Care appointment
  • I just wanted to see her because after 3 months I missed her so much

➣ I knew Judy’s address because her lawyer, Fred Cameron, had disclosed her address in real estate documents on December 5, 2013 when the matrimonial home’s sale was finalized. I visualized:

  • walking into her apartment building’s lobby and buzzing her apartment #111
  • I would announce, “It’s ‘the old guy’, I’m in the lobby”.
  • She would come down to the lobby with Laci in her arms or follow close behind
  • We would hug and kiss
  • At some point I would be hugging Laci; Laci would be ecstatically licking my face
  • We would be family again!

I was delusionally stupid because those delusions were like a powerful hallucinogenic drug that resulted in me doing things and acting contrary to my real nature.

  • I still could not believe that Judy would just walk away from 47 years of marriage and 50 years of being best friends without ever saying ‘Goodbye’.
  • I still thought that even though everybody ‘Abandoned and Betrayed’ me, there was faint hope for Judy and I to remain friends.

I just wanted to hug and kiss her; I missed her so much

Lunch with The Lady I had met online

After cooling down, I may have started to head back to my apartment in Fenwick, but events forward are definitely fuzzy and unclear. I don’t think that I returned to my apartment but rather I headed to where my lunch date lived in Welland.

  • We had arranged days earlier to have lunch at the Welland Wellness Centre where I was a member and went regularly to use their gym to do weights and cardio. I enjoyed this lady as a social activity companion. This lunch would represent a third date.

The time is maybe around 11:30 AM
When I drove past her home, she was outside in the driveway and I pulled in behind her vehicle.
Not sure if my intention was to cancel lunch or continue with the lunch plans?
I probably looked dishevelled and my t-shirt and sweatshirt were probably still soaked in perspiration from everything that had transpired that morning: from the legal letter, to planning my suicide, to actually purchasing the knife to commit the act.I didn’t want to cancel and disappoint her because she appeared to be looking forward to our lunch date. We drove to the Welland Wellness Centre only to find that the lunch counter was not open — still closed down for the Christmas period.
I gave her a tour of the facility and then we decided to go to a fast food restaurant for lunch.
Lunch location and details are unclear — but later in written communications with this lady, I found out that we went to the Burger King in Welland.It was over lunch that I asked her, if I could borrow her vehicle for the afternoon because I wanted to see my wife: I would have explained that I wanted to do some ‘surveillance’. I would have explained that I needed her vehicle in order-to park in Judy’s apartment parking lot without being hassled. There was the potential that I would be hassled because I knew from my access to Judy’s e-mail that:

  • The apartment manager had been given my description and my vehicle’s description
  • The NRPS had been likewise alerted

Important to understand also that because I had no direct communications with my wife since the December 5, 2013 Temporary Mutual no contact Order and even though, I had access to her e-mail account, I was not entirely certain whether Judy might have a new man in her life.Later, details were filled-in by my luncheon date that I had no recollection — we went to the Roger’s Centre to have my cell phone checked out. The volume control not been working all morning plus, I wasn’t sure it was even functioning, considering that I still had no response from my family lawyer who I had called after receiving my legal letter of “no trespassing” on my cabin property.At some point, maybe around 1:30 PM, I would have driven my date back home. Because we were going to switch vehicles, I parked across the street so as not to block her single-car driveway where her car was parked. When I exited my vehicle, I would have reached into the back seat to retrieve my red fleece jacket.

The knife was in one of the jacket’s side pockets.

receipt 1

My January 16, 2014 afternoon

Maybe around 2:00PMI drove directly to Judy’s apartment address:

  • 128 St Augustine Dr. Apt. #111,
  • St. Catharines, ON.
  • L2P 3X6

I drove through the parking lot looking for Judy’s vehicle a white Saturn Ion.
It was not visible; so, I drove back into St, Catharines to get another Tim’s Med. Black on Hartzel Road.

 While I don’t remember being particularly nervous, I would be apprehensive about seeing Judy for the first time in more than 3 months. I remember rehearsing what I would say to Judy in the way of undelivered communications, apologies, regret but most important to say how much ‘I loved and missed her’.Before leaving the Tim’s, I would have used the washroom as I do frequently with ongoing prostate issues.Maybe 3:00 PMBack to Judy’s apartment complex; drove through the parking lot; and left immediately because Judy’s car was not in the parking lot.I then backtracked to Glendale Ave. where I went east toward the Welland Canal and the GM plant where I worked prior to my retirement in 1996. I remember driving through the GM parking lot and then back to Lock #3 on the Welland Canal where I parked and finished my coffee.Time to pee again, so, time to find another Tim’s. Headed back on Glendale to where I went to a Tim’s around the Penn Centre.
Another pee and another Med black.
After that, I headed back to Judy’s apartment.Maybe 3:45 PMDrove through the parking lot and still no Judy’s white Saturn Ion.
May have parked in a visitor’s parking spot along the apartments driveway entrance because as I write this, I can picture perfectly the parking lot layout.
Left after a period of time — maybe about 4:00 PMIt’s getting late in the day:

  • Now, I would have been wondering if I was going to see Judy today.
  • Thoughts of suicide were waning because there would-be no-good reason to commit suicide because I knew that when I saw Judy that she would override her lawyers demand of’ no trespassing’ on my ‘cabin’ property.
  • I’m now considering the Ballroom Dancing lessons that I had signed up for to start at 6:30 PM
  • I imagined telling Judy that I had signed up for Ballroom Dancing lessons. She would laugh and tell me as she always did that, I had two left feet.
  • I even delusionally imagined that Judy would accompany me and watch me at the dancing lessons, and we would go out for dinner after the class ended at 7:30 PM.

Clearly, I was mentally fucked up to think that somehow all
the ‘legal separation’ shit would be forgotten, that we would be back to
normal and maybe even Judy would accompany me and
watch me at the Ballroom Dancing lessons.

Maybe 5:00 PM, I returned to Judy’s apartment building drove through the parking lot and still no Judy’s vehicle parked in the parking lot.
Decided to come back another day!
So now, I needed to switch vehicles with my luncheon date and get back home to Fenwick for a shower, change my clothes and get ready to go to the Ballroom Dancing Lessons.I am heading back on Glendale going west and by serendipity; I spot a white Saturn Ion driving in the opposite direction.
While I didn’t get a close look at the driver, I knew it have to be Judy driving because the Saturn Ion was white in colour and had a bug deflector on the hood; the same style bug deflector that Judy’s vehicle had.
I turned off into a business driveway; did a 180° and re-entered Glendale going back towards Judy’s apartment building.
By now, I would be at least a minute behind the white Saturn Ion but no rush because if it was Judy I knew exactly where she was headed and where she lived.

Judy and I meet in the parking lot

After turning my vehicle around, I head back to Judy’s apartment building. When I entered the apartment parking lot, I spotted her white Saturn Ion on the second row of the parking lot directly in front of the main entrance.

 I’m now in full anxiety mode; I would be experiencing all my usual classic stress symptoms sweating, dry mouth, heart pounding, shaking etc.There was nobody walking in the parking lot; so, I assumed that Judy was already inside her apartment building. I’m at the entrance to the parking lot, the visitor parking spaces are visible to my immediate left; I backed into a visitor parking spot.
I may have turned off the ignition and opened the vehicle’s door to exit the vehicle, when I noticed someone walking across the parking lot in a white winter coat exactly like the one that Judy owned. I made the decision to see and talk to Judy in the parking lot rather than buzz her apartment from the lobby. After all, why not, I would get the same reception from the parking lot or the lobby. I drove the vehicle across the parking lot where I could intercept the person in the white winter coat as they were leaving the parking lot to connect with the apartment building’s entrance sidewalk. I stop my vehicle across the path of the person walking in the parking lot.
I exited the vehicle with my arms outstretched in a welcoming gesture.
I would have been just vibrating with anxiety; my legs would have been like spaghetti. There was a momentary pause when we just looked at each other for the first time in months
I think it’s Judy, but her appearance had changed — maybe a fuller face and her hair style was not the Sharon Osborn style red colour that I remember she had when I last saw her.
But it had to be Judy!
I wanted to hug her, but I didn’t!
I said, “Judy I love you can we please (go somewhere and) talk?”I remember hearing “Fuck You”
Maybe, wondered if this person was really Judy because we never said “Fuck You” to one another.
But it had to be Judy and I had to ask the question that:

  • I wanted to ask after my epiphany of sorts.
  • had been endlessly cycling in my mind all afternoon

“Please can I go to the ‘cabin’?”I heard a deep guttural Trojan Horse/ Linda Blair Exorcist voice tell me “Fuck you, I own the cabin — “
I blacked out / greyed out / snapped or otherwise went to a dark mental place –Judy died by my hand.
I murdered Judy with the fish-filleting knife that I had purchased earlier to commit suicide.

➣ Judy’s murder was a heinous crime that even today, I cannot imagine committing.

Hearing “Fuck You” is no reason to kill someone

While there can never be a rational defense for killing someone because they utter the words “Fuck You” — those words are an incendiary spark that can lead to a violent reaction when they are perceived as being a direct threat to something that I loved dearly. “Fuck You”, clicked on an ignition switch that drove me across the civilized boundary to where I committed murder.

➣ I’m not a violent person by nature but a violent response in defense of my beloved ‘cabin’ came naturally. That protectionist attitude and violent response to protect and ‘stand my ground’ for those that I loved was pre-programmed and pre-existing long before being ignited by Judy’s words “Fuck You, I own the cottage —

 I didn’t wake up on the morning of January 16, 2014 planning to kill anyone especially someone who I had loved and shared a family with for 47 years.
Judy had been my best friend for 50 years.
Likewise, Judy didn’t wake up that morning planning to tell me, “Fuck You”. Several scenarios are in play with the words “Fuck You”:A. “Fuck You” was not something we said to one another. While there were occasions that Judy used the term ‘Fuck’ as a noun, verb, adjective, adverb etc. they were infrequent. On the other hand, I would regularly use the word ‘Fuck’ as an exclamation or when something went wrong. But there were never occasions that either of us said “Fuck You” in anger toward one another.When I heard “Fuck You” in a gutheral voice, it wasn’t Judy saying this; it was someone else maybe her lawyer or a ‘Trojan Horse’? In fact, when I first saw Judy for the first time in almost 3 months I wondered if the person I was looking at was even Judy because her appearance was different: different hair colour and style, fuller face. Definitely those words “Fuck You” were a conveyance that immediately transferred me to a dark mental place where I committed a heinous murder. Or —B. I was obviously at a mental health breaking point, to where, I thought suicide was the answer to all my problems. When I met Judy in the parking lot of her apartment building, I was at the confluence of situational, systemic, psychological and physiological issues. I obviously was not thinking rationally given the fact that I thought suicide was the answer. Then, for me to somehow rationalized that if I saw and talked to Judy; we would kiss and make-up; all the BS ‘legal separation shit would be forgotten; Judy would override her ‘slim bag’ lawyer and say ‘of course you can go to the ‘cabin”. I was in a delusional altered mental state to even imagine that Judy would receive me with open arms and rescind the legal “no trespassing” order on the ‘cabin’ property. Or—-C. While I was never a violent person by nature, I was always prepared mentally to respond violently with lethal force if necessary, in defense of my family, my possessions, and myself if at any time they were threatened. There were two times when our beloved dog ‘Bo’ was attacked by other dogs and I responded immediately by putting myself between the attacking dogs’ teeth and Bo.
The attacking dogs bit me on both occasions.
My response in defense of myself, my family and my property was a pre-programmed pre-existing response — it was a fundamental intrinsic muscle ego response. Now I have to wonder — Wonder, because I don’t remember actually stabbing Judy in the blacked out / grey out state / liminal state, I was in — Was my violent reaction to “Fuck You/ I own the cabin—- “ an intrinsic instinctive reaction to a hostile takeover of my beloved ‘cabin’ by a Trojan Horse?I simply don’t know!

➣ But I do know with absolute certainty, if someone were to attack me, my family, my pets or my property, I would respond with lethal force if that’s what the situation demanded without necessary concern for my own safety.

Convoluted Crime of Passion

Judy’s murder was a convoluted Crime of Passion. Murder always has a love or money connection.
It wasn’t money because we had enough money and we were living a comfortable lifestyle.
So, it must have been love!
Love makes you crazy and I had to be crazy to murder my loving wife of 47 years and BFF of 50 years.
BUT it wasn’t love of for my wife because at the time of Judy’s murder I had already accepted the fact that we would be living separate lives — it was my love for my little piece of heaven / the ‘cabin’ / the cottage.
That last day January 16, 2014, I loved my ‘cabin’ of 28 years more than I loved my wife of 47 years. With ‘legal separation’, I had already lost the battle to stay married to my wife of 47 years and BFF of 50 years; I wasn’t prepared to lose my one and only remaining love of my life, the ‘cabin’.

➣ When people are about to lose everything, they will go all in! 

The acrimonious process of ‘legal separation’ that started on October 23, 2013 stripped me of everything that I had known and loved: wife, children, grandchildren, dog, matrimonial home, friends, community, Church and more were taken away from me in what I describe as an Emotional Death.
My losses were on the biblical scale of Job.
The ‘cabin’ as I called the cottage was my last respite of normalcy — it was all that I had left. It was always the place my mind would travel to when I wasn’t there.
The ‘cabin’ represented who I was and where I always wanted to be! At the time of Judy’s murder, we were part of the statistic(s) whereby ‘68% of the murders of an intimate partner happen when they are in the midst of actual or pending separation’. The other common risks were absent:

  • No history of domestic violence26
  • No prior threats to kill

 Vicky’s false allegation constituted perjury. (See Sc. ‘Vicky’s testimony at my pre-Trial was tantamount to perjury’)

  • No excessive alcohol — I seldom even had a beer!
  • No drug use — I’ve never even tried marijuana!

Judy’s murder did not fit the common risk template:

  • We had a successful 47-year marriage.

 We worked hard to make it work despite our difficulties in the bedroom. Our love for one another would be described by the Greek word ‘agape’. (See Sc. ‘Agape’

  • We respected each other’s personal space and time

24 A. Hasham and W. Gillis, “When men kill their partners warning signals are missed”, Toronto Star, January 9, 201725 While it may be argued that I was controlling, controlling does not constitute domestic violence. Questions of controlling brings into question “Was I controlling because I was caring or was, I was caring because I was controlling?” The fact that Judy apparently had been in therapeutic counselling over our whole marriage without my knowledge is evidence of the fact that Judy was able to lead her life and conduct her affairs without any necessary accounting or controls by myself.

  • We were mutual active caregivers.

 With the onset of Judy’s deteriorating health, I would regularly accompany Judy and sit in on her medical consultations. Because I was pro-active about Judy’s Health Care, I was the one to originally determine that Judy suffered: fibromyalgia, the genetic anomaly BORE and Lupus before official medical confirmation.

  • Judy always had control over her personal finances; Judy did not have to account to me how she spent her money.

 This fact is evidenced by the $20K LOC balance on Judy’s bank account and her CC’s maxed out to the tune of $5K; both of which I had no knowledge.

  • Judy was free to socialize and take vacations with friends whenever she wanted

 For the past 5 years, Judy spent up to a month in FL with her BFF, Vicky.

  • Two beautiful daughters
  • Four grandchildren who we adored
  • I retired at 52 yoa after a 32-year career with General Motors of Canada
  • For the first 10 years after retirement, we wintered in Florida for 4 to 6 months of the year
  • We enjoyed our cottage of 28 years
  • We had a very comfortable home in Fonthill, ON.
  • I was talking about a 50th Anniversary recommitment ceremony and exchanging friendship rings
  • We were talking about a 50th Anniversary cruise
  • We were planning our future:
  • moving into an apartment when the matrimonial home sold
  • perhaps another RV when the cottage sold to resume our FL. lifestyle
  • We had dreams of trips* to:
  • Las Vegas
  • Nashville
  • Washington in the spring to see the cherry blossoms

* Judy had already started to research tour operators and pricing When I received the over-the-top legal letter on January 16, 2014 demanding, “no trespassing” at my beloved ‘cabin’, something had to give. Action / Reaction

 Everybody knew it!

It was a huge miscalculation on everybody’s part who was involved in the decision to take the ‘cabin’ away without at minimum allowing me to gather up personal mementos and keepsakes and to say ‘Goodbye’ at least one last time to the place that I loved most and considered my spiritual sanctum.

After much anguish and despair that included my default, ‘suicide’, I reached an epiphany of sorts; whereby, I rationalized and delusionally thought that I needed to talk to my loving wife of 47 years and best friend of 50 years because:

  • Judy of all the people in my life would understand how much I loved the ‘cabin’.
  • Judy and I always sought out one another’s counsel in times of distress.
  • Judy would / could override her lawyer’s demand of “no trespassing” at the ‘cabin’.

My meeting with Judy did not go well! That meeting in the parking lot of Judy’s apartment building did not go well. When I asked Judy, “Please can I go to the ‘cabin’?”
I heard a Trojan Horse tell me “Fuck you, I own the cabin — “
I blacked out / greyed out / snapped or otherwise went to a dark mental place. Judy died by my hand.
Judy’s murder was a heinous crime that even today I can’t imagine committing because killing anything was never my values.
I murdered Judy with the knife that I had purchased earlier to commit suicide. Judy’s murder was a convoluted Crime of Passion because at the moment of Judy’s murder, I loved my cottage of 28 years more than I loved my wife of 47 years

Vicky’s testimony at my pre-Trial was tantamount to perjury

 Important to consider that this Crown witness, after allegedly hearing me say that, “I was going to kill my wife” never told the authorities!

This is Vicky’s background:

  • she was a retired staff assistant to the NRPS Deputy Chief
  • her son is a police officer with the N RPS
  • her deceased husband was a retired police Superintendent with the NRPS
  • her ex-husband is a retired police Superintendent with the NRPS

Now, I’m glad that Vicky was not called out as a perjurer!

  • Vicky lied because she loved Judy; they were BFFs
  • Vicky like all of Judy’s BFF’s, i.e. Pat and Jean who showed up for the pre-Trial daily, would have been heartbroken and dumbfounded over the loss of Judy.
  • Vicky was only trying to protect Judy. Her false testimony was motivated by her desire to have a murderer convicted.

 I have come to learn that in criminal proceedings, everybody lies, and I may have done the same at a full Trial — at my pre-Trial, it was only Crown witness testimony and I was therefore not required to testify.

 While a moot point now, two other witness lied at the pre-Trail including a police officer. They either exaggerated the facts or created falsehoods to both enhance and validate their testimony.

Why I went to Kim’s house

In Kim’s Victim Impact Statement (reference Appendix Item G-1), she says “after he committed this horrible crime, he (George) made a point to show up at my home that evening to yell at me and to blame me for what he had just done”.  On the contrary, I went to Kim’s home to take responsibility for what I had done.“

This is how it went down. The reason(s) why I went to Kim’s home and what transpired at Kim’s home

Perhaps a half hour after I left Judy’s apartment building parking lot (I say perhaps a half hour because I have no concept of time at this point) I was driving on the 406 maybe heading home.  At some point I realized that I was bleeding from a cut on my left hand knuckle.  The realization that I had blood on my hand was a jolting wake-up call that something bad happened when I met Judy.  I pulled off the highway onto the shoulder to wipe off the blood that was dripping from my hand.  It was at this time that I saw my jeans had been cut and I was bleeding on my right hand quadriceps.

Blood on my hand and my leg.  I tried to put my thoughts together from the time I met Judy in the parking lot to where I am now pulled off onto the shoulder of the 406 highway bleeding.  Thoughts and events don’t come clearly because I would have been in a daze.  I never panicked and there was never a thought of fleeing. My thoughts were always ‘something bad has happened and I have to take responsibility for my actions by calling 911’.  I also had protective parental thoughts that I have to tell my family that something bad has happened.

I resumed driving on the 406 and changed direction at the first overpass interchange to head back to Thorold where both daughters lived within minutes of each other and exited the 406 at Beaverdams Road.  Kim’s house was the first turnoff on Beaverdams so I made the decision to go to her home because it was closer.

On arriving at Kim and Troy’s home, I knocked on the front door and Troy let me in.  Without words spoken, I headed toward the kitchen phone to make the 911 call.  That’s where I met Kim and she said something to the effect that she was on her way to a school meeting.  I would have said as I walked past Kim, “I have to make a phone call”.

About this time I saw “R” coming down the stairs.  Not wanting the grandkids to see me bleeding, I remember saying “keep the kids upstairs”.    In the kitchen I picked up the cordless phone and remember seeing cupcakes (a Kim specialty) on the kitchen counter for the meeting at the school Kim had talked about. 

Both Kim and Troy would have been asking: “What’s happening/what’s going on?”  I did not answer because I was singularly focused on making my call to 911.  I made the call.  I would have identified myself and said ‘you’re probably looking for me. I’m at my daughter’s house in Thorold and this is her address’.  At this point I would have handed the phone over to Troy who was standing beside me and said “it’s 911, tell them your address”.

At this point I am not nervous, anxious or hyper, but I am concerned about getting blood on the kitchen floor or the family room carpet.  That’s just me, always considerate especially knowing how much pride Kim has about her home’s appearance.    I then headed down the front hall to exit the home.

There was no conservation between Kim and me other than I have a vague recollection of saying “you probably won’t be going to that school meeting tonight”.  

No yelling at Kim.  No blaming Kim for anything that I might have done to Judy.  No verbal abuse to either Kim or Troy.

As I approached the front door Troy was following me.  It was at this point Troy again asked what was going on and what was happening.  I said “I think Judy may be dead.”  Like a little kid, he responds with “like dead, dead”.  I said “I don`t know.”  I exited the home and the door shut behind me.

I sat on the front porch steps to try and gather my thoughts – – – still trying to remember details of the meeting with Judy in her apartment building’s parking lot.  Now, I am nervous and anxious as to what may have transpired when I met Judy and why I am cut and bleeding.  I am also thinking the police will be arriving soon and that I would leave my wallet, phone and car keys for my vehicle in Kim’s driveway or on the front porch.  

Feeling an overwhelming sense of responsibility to do right by my family I called Tracy’s home number that I had on speed dial.  There was no answer so I left the message “Come to Kim`s, something bad has happened to Mom.” I wanted to call Tracy`s cell but could not locate the number.  

Police have not yet arrived.  So, now I`m thinking that a catastrophe has occurred; the police may not have gotten the 911 call to pick me up:

(a) I made another 911 call to pick me up;

(b) I called a friend, Vicky, to have her son who is a police officer, 
      pick me up at Kim`s home.  Vicky was not at home or didn`t pick up.
      So I left a message on her voice mail.

At this point I would have started to shut down because I had done everything possible to take responsibility for what might have happened to Judy.

  1. I have called 911
  2. I told Troy that Judy might be dead
  3. I have called Tracy and left the message about
    the fact something had happened to her mother
  4. I have called 911 a second time, and even
  5. Called Vicky to have Barry come and arrest me.

I lay down on the sidewalk with my fleece jacket under my head.  My vision and my brain were cloudy; it felt as if I was looking through a partially closed venetian blind.

Finally at some point the police SWAT Emergency Response Team arrived with dogs, shields and long guns to arrest me.  My arrest was a high risk takedown, a 71 year old man in a state of cataplexy lying on the sidewalk in front of my daughter’s home.

Oh, and by the way, at my pretrial hearing I heard there was an officer in an unmarked vehicle parked across the street from Kim’s home watching me the whole time – what BS.

LIAR, LIAR, PANTS ON FIRE

Assessing the credibility of Victim Impact Statements is a challenging task because victims can make false allegations without consequences.

Kim’s Victim Impact Statement is a Whopper of False Allegations

In this section, I will endeavour to expose Pinocchio Kim’s lies and debunk them with evidentiary information from Judy, me and Kim herself.

Starting from the beginning of Kim’s Victim Impact Statement, she says:

After he committed his horrific crime, he made a point to show up at my home that evening to yell at me and to blame me for what he had just done….  I could not handle the verbal abuse towards me that night so I left the room.  The next thing that I remember was my husband (Troy) escorting George from our home and telling me to  call 911 as he said the words, “I think your Dad killed your Mom”…if  George had any love for me as his daughter, he would not have put the blame on me for his heinous crime.  Only a man that hates me  would do this.  George made it clear to me that he blames me for the death of my mother, he committed the crime but I feel he will never take responsibility for his actions.

To the above I say:

  • Pure unmitigated BS!
  • Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire!
  • What a crock!
  • Never happened this way!
 

On review of this Victim Impact Statement, it is apparent that Kim has an agenda that doesn’t involve telling the truth.

Kim said that “he made a point to show up at my home that evening (January 16, 2014) to yell at me and to blame me for what he had just done”.  Never happened.

In reference to the section ‘Why I went to Kim’s house’, you will be given a full explanation.  Succinctly, I went to Kim’s home to accept responsibility for my actions.  I endeavoured to accept responsibility by

  • (a)  calling 911 to pick me up
  • (b)  I told Troy that ‘Judy may be dead’
  • (c) I called 911 a second time
  • (d) I called a friend to have her son, a police officer, to pick me up
  • (e) I called daughter Tracy to “come to Kim’s, something bad has happened to Mom”

There was never any yelling at Kim and there was never any blaming Kim.

 

  • I could not handle the verbal abuse towards me that night so I left the room
    Never Happened.  
    I never verbally abused Kim and my recollection is that Kim was in the room when I made my 911 call from her kitchen phone.
  • I remember my husband (Troy) escorting George from our home”
    Never Happened.  
    Troy is a Woosie; he never escorted me anywhere!  I left the home of my own volition after I made my 911 call and that 911 call was the reason why I was at Kim’s home.
  • Troy telling me (Kim) to call 911”
    Never Happened.  
    The NRPS records show that I made one 911 call from Kim’s house phone and a second 911 call, maybe 10 minutes later, from my cell phone after I had exited the home.

The following will be of interest because it gives insight into Kim’s agenda. based on testimony, the first phone call made by Kim after I exited the home was to Judy’s lawyer in ‘legal separation’, slime bag Fred Cameron.  The question begs ‘why would Kim call Fred Cameron before calling close family members like her sister Tracy.

  • If George had any love for me as his daughter, he would not have put the blame on me for his heinous crime
    Never Happened.  At no time, while I was at Kim’s home on January 16, 2014 or since have I ever “
    put the blame on Kim for my heinous crime”.

In fact, the opposite is trueI have always accepted absolute responsibility for my heinous crime.   After I saw that I was bleeding and realized that something bad happened when I met Judy in her apartment building parking lot, I set about to:

  • (a) call 911- and I did that two times
  • (b) tell Troy that ‘Judy may be dead’
  • (c) called daughter Tracy to come to Kim’s home

Later, as time went on, I plead guilty so that family and friends would not be further traumatized by a long and protracted trial.

I do blame Kim for the ‘legal separation’ because that’s what Judy said to me in the ‘Dear George letter’.    Judy’s colloquial terminology was that Kim was “the kicker” to legal separation.  In fact, Kim accepts the fact that her estrangement was “the kicker” to our ‘legal separation’ in her Victim Impact Statement.  She stated that “in September 2013, I said that I would no longer participate in any family get togethers…I think this was the final reason that my Mom decided to leave him.”

  • “only a man that hates me would do this

Never Happened.  Total Bullshit!   At no time have I ever said or thought that “I hate Kim.’

In fact, the reverse is true.  Months before that  day when Judy died, both Judy and I received an e-mail from Kim (reference attached Item ‘F’, Excerpts from Kim Gillespie e-mail of November 2013) outlining the reasons why she became estranged from both Mom and Dad: 

  • (a) Never felt appreciated as daughter
  • (b) jealous of our relationship with sister Tracy
  • (c) money issues going back 17 years
  • (d) thoughts that Mom and Dad would screw Kim
    out of $15,000.00, a matching gift which we had
    already given Tracy for porch replacement

In this e-mail, Kim says “I hate you”.  I make reference to Kim telling me “I hate you” in my  December 1, 2013 letter to daughters  (reference attached Item ‘D’ Knock, Knock – Nobody at Home) requesting their support in reconciliation for Judy and I as Mom and Dad.  In that letter, I identify Kim as the key to reconciliation because Kim was “the kicker’ to legal separation.

Like so many times in writing the script for Abandoned and Betrayed

I have tears in my eyes to think that both Judy and I were taken down 
by a clearly dysfunctional daughter who was in need of mental health 
counseling.  

Now: Mother dead
Father in prison
Grandchildren traumatized
Fraser family dead

Judy’s murder would have never happened if we were a loving family.

  • “For years I (Kim) tried to distance myself from him (George) for my own safety and well being”.  

You’ve heard it before – – – ‘What a crock!’  Kim’s dysfunction during 2013 resulted in her distancing herself from both Mom and Dad.

Kim was distancing from Mom and Dad over issues of not feeling loved and rumination that Judy and I were going to screw her out of a $15,000.00 matching gift that we had provided Tracy in 2011 to replace her dilapidated front porch.

When Kim says “for her own safety and well being” that is simply a Pinocchio effect to distract from her dysfunction.

Kim and Judy always had an arm’s length relationship with virtually no socializing and never mother/daughter ‘down to earth’ discussions because that’s the relationship Kim wantd with Judy, and Judy was never one to push.  Kim’s relationship with Judy during 2013 became increasingly toxic due to the disrespect she showed Judy.

Many, many times, in total frustration and distress, Judy would say:

  • “What have we done to Kim?
  • What’s wrong with Kim?
  • Kim has not even come by to see Oscar.”

Let me review again how Kim distanced and disrespected Judy during 2013.  

 

  • (a) Many times Judy (sometimes with me) would drop by Kim’s home after church,
    as was our custom to say hello. Kim would not even make an appearance to greet
    Judy (and me).
  • (b) Kim never came by our home and Judy would metaphorically vocalize that
    disrespect by saying ‘Kim has never dropped in to see Oscar (our rescue cat).
  • (c) Kim never acknowledged Judy’s birth day on September 1, 2013.
  • (d) Judy wasn’t invited on a cruise.
  • (e) Kim changed the front door lock on her home without providing Judy with a key. I’ll
    talk more about that in a later section.
  • (f) Kim and family would not participate in family barbeques at Tracy’s home.
  • (g) Kim and family did not come to the cottage in the summer of 2013.
  • (h) Then there was that 2013 Thanksgiving dinner tipping point for Judy. I was at the
    cottage. Judy had invited herself to a Thanksgiving dinner with Kim and family. This
    would be really the first time in a year that Judy had the opportunity to see Kim and
    the grandchildren, ‘O’ and ‘R’. Judy was allowed to attend provided that she ask
    ‘no personal questions and only talk about work and school.

You can only imagine how devastated, disrespected and traumatized Judy felt at being allowed to attend Thanksgiving dinner but only after she agreed to ‘no personal questions’.

It was only days after that traumatizing Thanksgiving dinner that Judy initiated ‘legal Separation’ as a way to re-establish a relationship with grandchildren ‘O’ and ‘R’.  In Judy’s words, this was ‘the kicker’ to ‘legal separation’.

The question begs “Where was Troy”?  He must have seen how dysfunctional and disrespectful Kim was to her mom.

  • “During the separation – – – we changed the locks on our home”

Never Happened – “during the separation”.

You can only imagine how devastated, disrespected and traumatized Judy felt at being allowed to attend Thanksgiving dinner but only after she agreed to ‘no personal questions’.

It was only days after that traumatizing Thanksgiving dinner that Judy initiated ‘legal Separation’ as a way to re-establish a relationship with grandchildren ‘O’ and ‘R’.  In Judy’s words, this was ‘the kicker’ to ‘legal separation’.

The question begs “Where was Troy”?  He must have seen how dysfunctional and disrespectful Kim was to her mom.

  • “During the separation – – – we changed the locks on our home”

Never Happened – “during the separation”.

Kim did change the locks, but it was well before the separation.  Judy was distressed because she saw the change in locks as being directed to her.

This is how the lock changing went down from Judy’s perspective as she related events to me.  Some time in 2012 or 2013, Kim changed the lock her home’s front door.  Up to this time Judy always had access to Kim’s home to help with the grandkids or to feed and check on the cats when the Gillespies were away.

The way Judy found out that the front door lock had been changed is that she had dropped by to socialize with the cats when she knew that Kim and family were away.  Although Judy had not been asked to check out the cats, (and that in itself was concerning as to why) typical Judy, always wanting and willing to support Kim, dropped by Kim’s house to tend to the cats. It was at this time that Judy realized the front door lock had been changed.  Judy was definitely concerned as to why Kim would change locks without telling her and without providing her with a new key.

Judy also had the usual thoughts that any mother might have in this situation.  Did Kim change the lock on the front door because she doesn’t trust me?

Again, I have tears in my eyes over all the disrespectful ways Kim hurt her mother during 2013.  Now, I think I failed Judy by not stepping into Kim’s dysfunction.  Every time I mentioned confronting Kim as to why she had become estranged from Mom and Dad, Judy always asked me  to back off saying that Kim would come around.  Judy was never one to push.  In the end Kim didn’t come around and Judy is dead.

  • I (Kim) suffered a lot of mental abuse, verbal abuse and written abuse as he (George) blamed me for the breakdown of their marriage.

On review again:

  1. Judy blamed Kim for the breakdown of our marriage when she said in the ‘Dear George letter’ I received that Kim was “the kicker” (a/k/a the impetus) to ‘legal separation’.  
  2. Kim acknowledges in her Victim Impact Statement (reference attached item G-1) that she was the cause of the marriage breakdown when she says “In Sept 2013, I stated that I would no longer participate in family get-togethers. . . this was the final reason that my Mom decided to leave him.”

Enough is enough.  I could go on and on but you get my drift.  Kim’s Victim Impact Statement is a whopper of False Allegations!  In Judy’s words and by Kim’s admission, Kim’s disrespect for her mother precipitated ‘legal separation’.  My stupidity in trusting my wife with all legal

property powers allowed her lawyer to run up the scoreboard on me, and that in turn resulted in Judy’s death by my hand.

When reviewing Kim’s Victim Impact Statement, the following should be considered.    When there was $1.3 million dollars on the table related to both daughters ‘wrongful death law suit’ against me, that is good reason for materialistic Kim to take advantage of the financial opportunity.   That’s not just my opinion but the evidence!

Oh, by the way, I accepted responsibility for my heinous crime by not fighting that ‘wrongful death lawsuit.  My daughters got everything that Judy and I worked so hard for.

Thanks, Kim

Love Always,

Dad

Breakdown message

Tracy Haley

Dedicated to showing love and gratitude to all and raising two beautiful girls into strong, competent women. My opinions are my own.

Tracy, my special “Rose” is beautiful in her mother’s image.  Tracy was always more than a daughter.  She was a best friend.  I loved her and the Divas dearly, and I still do.  I loved her even though she shut me out of her life, literally and figuratively, by showing no ‘love or gratitude’.

Tracy has always had a ‘dark side’, so when I read the words “Dedicated to showing love and gratitude…”, I thought “Huh, both Judy and I know better because we have both seen and experienced  Tracy’s ‘dark side’.

Judy’s Traumatizing Event

Judy’s traumatizing event was totally devoid of any “love and gratitude”.  Back in the early 80’s Judy received a mean and hurtful letter from Tracy with the subject being ‘Worst Childhood Ever’.  It has always been my opinion (and Judy never disagreed) that this mean and hurtful letter was the spark that ignited Judy’s debilitating and disabling fibromyalgia.

➣ Fibromyalgia is one of those diseases where not a lot is known about the cause. However, current medical wisdom suggests that onset can be triggered by physical or psychological trauma

After Judy received Tracy’s ‘Worst Childhood Ever’ letter she sank into deep depression and despair to the point where she had to take time off of work.  At some point Judy was admitted to the hospital with chest pains.

After discussing Tracy’s letter with her sister Irene Judy put together a reply letter to Tracy entitled “We tried our best”.

There was never a hug, a kiss and ‘I’m sorry’ make-up between Tracy and Judy; everything was left hanging and put in the back of the closet.

➣ As can be seen, the Fraser family has a long history of dysfunction.

Eventually Judy was diagnosed with ‘fibromyalgia’ for which there is no cure from the ongoing pain and suffering.  Fibromyalgia was a life changer for Judy from which she never recovered and it all can be sourced back to Tracy’s psychologically traumatizing letter ‘Worst Childhood Ever’.

On several occasions over the years I brought up the subject of Mom’s fibromyalgia onset occurring after receiving Tracy’s ‘Worse Childhood Ever’ letter.  Each time Tracy became overly defensive and in denial. So, I just dropped the subject in the interest of leaving well enough alone and in the closet.

George Saw Tracy’s Dark Side

There was never any Tracy love and gratitude for me during legal separation.  In fact, all Tracy’s actions, once the ‘legal separation’ bus got underway, were deliberately designed to hurt me emotionally.  I was devastated when Tracy shunned, reviled and shut me out of her life because I had been so totally there for her and the girls.  Tracy was more than a daughter; I considered her to be a best friend.

No doubt, Tracy’s abandonment and betrayal in ‘legal separation’ contributed hugely to the person I was to become on that last day, January 16, 2014, when Judy was murdered by me.  

Prior to ‘legal separation’ I had always been Tracy’s ‘go to guy’ and supportive caregiver:

  • I always researched and many times accompanied Tracy on medical procedures going back to her gallbladder removal in the first trimester with ‘E’.
  • When she had a migraine, the night before an in-patient meeting presentation, I would go over to her home with the TENS machine and lie beside her on the bed putting cold compresses on her forehead and temples.
  • I went with her to a family lawyer when she initiated ‘legal separation’ from then husband Shawn.  
  • I cleaned up, cleaned out and assisted with her move from the matrimonial home in St. Catharines to her new home in Thorold.
  • Both Judy and I were totally committed to Tracy and the girls, and in Tracy’s own words from her Victim Impact Statement, she said:
 

“My home was my parents home, not literally…but they spent the majority of their time with me and the girls…countless dinners, days, evenings, fixing, hanging stuff, building anything that was in my home was either chosen, hung, paid for or deliberated for hours by me and my parents.  My world was a big part of their life.  They were my life-line, my baby sitters and my support system.”

Then, with ‘legal separation’, Tracy went to the dark side.  There was no love and gratitude in my direction.

  1. She refused to meet me for lunch to talk
  2. She was part of the BS conspiracy that Judy was at a Woman’s shelter receiving counselling (all lies I knew about because I had access to Judy’s e-mail)
  3. She disconnected the battery on the front door keypad to give me the message that she no longer wanted me at her home. It is metaphorically significant that Tracy no longer wanted me in her life
  4. She threw away a muffin-baking pan that I had left for her on her porch
  5. She refused a Christmas card with a money gift for grandchildren ‘E’ and ‘A’, telling me she would throw away the card and donate the cash.  Tracy’s suggestion that she would throw away my Christmas card is significant and a metaphor for ‘legal separation’ in that I was a throw away Dad
  6. Never once called or offered help in selling and moving out of her matri-monial home.

The question begs during ‘legal separation’ and even now as I write this:  ‘How is [was] it possible for Tracy to so callously ‘betray and abandon’ me when our relationship went far beyond father/daughter to where I was her caregiver and caretaker.  I even considered Tracy to be a best friend.  I was always
There for her!  I will carry the scars of Tracy ‘abandoning and betraying’ me through eternity.

False Allegations: A Source of Wrongful Convictions

Based on the evidence, my daughter Kim, has made false allegations both in her Victim Impact Statement and in the Niagara Falls Review article entitled “Ending Silence Surrounding Domestic Abuse (May 30, 2016).

I know, with certainty, that she has made false allegations because I am on the receiving end.  For you and all others, including legal professionals, false allegations and false testimony can e a challenging task as to what is truth and what is false as in ‘he said, she said’.  

Certainly Kim has been a victim of my heinous crime against her mother.  That in itself makes it difficult to judge that Kim may be lying by fabricating hyberbole to deflect from her role as ‘the kicker’ and then ‘the driver’ of our legal separation.  This is referred to as a ‘truth bias’.

Also to be considered is that Kim’s Victim Impact Statement was presented to the court at the time of my sentencing when both she and her sister Tracy had $1.3 million lawsuit against me for ‘wrongful death of their mother’.  $1.32 million for anybody would be powerful persuasion to lie !

Fortunately, in my case, Kim’s false allegations did not lead to a miscarriage of justice in the form of a wrongful conviction.  What it did do was result in false media attention concerning the details of my case including false allegations of spousal abuse.

Kim’s false allegations are stereotypical in that they refer to situations where an alleged victim generates deceptive claims of being harmed, threatened or experiencing trauma for a variety of motivations.  In Kim’s case, the motives strongly relate to:

  • Distraction from the truth
  • Distraction from her role in our ‘legal separation’ as ‘the kicker’ and ‘the driver’
  • Attention, and
  • $1.3 million lawsuit compensation
 

I believe that in my rebuttal to Kim’s contrived ‘Pinocchio allegations, I have made my case with references to supporting corroboration from:

  • NRPS Incident Reports
  • Troy’s testimony at my pretrial
  • Judy’s ‘Dear George letter; 
  • Tracy’s Victim Impact Statement, and
  • Kim’s own e-mail to me
 

Beyond that only an assessment conducted by forensic psychologists who specialize in credibility assessments, would be able to determine what happened to cause Kim to become vindictive to both her parents, Judy and George.

Hopefully Kim will seek out and ask for professional help before her mental health sprawls into 180 degree anger.

Victim Impact Statements by people who could have made a difference

At my plea Trial on June 3, 2015, Victim Impact Statements were read in Court from Judy’s sister, Irene, plus my daughters, Kimberly and Tracy.All of these individuals played a significant role in ‘legal separation’ and the person I was to become when I met Judy in the parking lot on that fateful day January 16, 2014.
All of these individuals could have introduced some balance, ‘fair play’ and compassion into the ‘legal separation’ process.
All of these individuals before that final day were cheering on Judy’s lopsided ‘legal separation’ score to where I had no points on the scoreboard due to my stupidity in putting all property ownership on title in Judy’s name.
All of these individuals made huge miscalculations as to the consequences of ‘legal separation’ bullying.
They all totally failed to understand that actions have reaction consequences and that George would attempt to level the playing field with a desperate ‘Hail Mary’ after he was told “no trespassing” at his beloved ‘cabin’ of 28 years.
All Victim Impact Statements were all heart felt:A. I was particular moved by Tracy’s Victim Impact Statement because Tracy was more than a
daughter to me because I considered her a BF.
Tracy’s ‘betrayal and abandonment’ during the ‘legal separation’ process was most devastating because I had always been there so totally for her and her girls, as caregiver and caretaker after her ‘legal separation’ and divorce.Tracy made huge miscalculation that reminds me of that John Milton ‘Paradise Lost’ quotation “Treat people ill and they will become wicked (evil)”

  • shutting me down and locking me out of her life as Caretaker and Caregiver.
  • Disabling her home’s front door entry keypad was metaphorically significant of abruptly terminating my Caretaker, Caregiver efforts and dedication. That abrupt termination spoke volumes as to Tracy’s appreciation of the value she placed on all my efforts and dedication to both her and my granddaughter’s ‘E’ and ‘A’.
  • The rejection of a Christmas card and gift for my granddaughters, ‘E’ and ‘A’. When Tracy told me that she would throw away my Christmas card, this was significant of the fact that I was a ‘throw away Dad’.
  • being a party to the decision to legally wrest the ‘cabin’ away from me while knowing how much I loved ‘my little piece of heaven’.

Tracy’s actions and miscalculations in the ‘legal separation’ process were significant in the creation of an indelible memory that I continue to have today and the person that I had become when I met Judy in the parking lot on that fateful day January 16, 2014

Reference Sc. PostScript Tracy Haley Victim Impact Statement

B. Judy’s sister, Irene’s, Victim Impact Statement was interesting because Judy was living at Irene’s home in Newmarket ON., under the pretense that she was at a Women’s Shelter. Very early in the ‘legal separation’ process, I knew the Women’s Shelter was a ruse because I had access to Judy’s e-mail account.I reached out to Irene early in the ‘legal separation’ process for ‘reconciliation help’ with Judy because I thought that she of all the people surrounding Judy would be able to inject some common sense and civility into the ‘legal separation’ process because of her own failed relationships. Irene’s response to my request for help was “I will not be having that conversation (with Judy)”, when in reality at the time she received my e-mail requesting her help, she was sitting with Judy. Irene’s failure to respond to my request for ‘Help’ in the ‘legal separation process’ was just another element that cumulatively contributed to my mindset on that last day when I met Judy in the parking lot of her apartment building.C. Kim’s Victim Impact Statement was significant because she made mention how her involvement in ‘legal separation’ led to events that resulted in Judy Fraser being murdered by my hand on January 16, 2014.

  • “the kicker to legal separation” — would lead one to believe that she knew her dysfunction and estrangement directly contributed to Judy initiating ‘legal separation’.
  • “He (George) loved the cottage” — as the driver of the ‘legal separation’ bus Kim was the motivating force for Judy to agree that I be legally notified on January 16, 2014 with “no trespassing” on the cabin property.

While none of these individuals has direct culpability in Judy’s murder by my hand on January 16, 2014, each of them has ‘onus of responsibility’ as key player in the ‘legal separation’ process:

  • They each played a huge role both as active participants and as passive, yet blameworthy, bystanders in creating the person that I became on that last day when Judy was murdered.
  • They totally miscalculated my ego’s drive to survive and to protect something that I loved!

As stated earlier “all Victim Impact Statements were heart felt”. So, ‘What does it take for someone to get to where murder is the answer?’ I know that I have hurt many people and for that, I will be eternally sorry.
I fully recognize that the crime that I committed caused unbelievable pain, suffering and grief. However, my family needs to understand that they have direct responsibility as to who I became after 3 months of acrimonious ‘legal separation’.

  • By ‘Abandoning and Betraying’ me, they were the vectors of my cumulative mindset and who I would become on that last terrible day January 16, 2014.
  • My family was everything in my life and I apparently was only a minor part of theirs; my actions on that last day were representative of the person that I had become with absolutely no hope for any future.
  • When people no longer believe in you; you act accordingly to reinforce their beliefs.
  • By pushing the envelope of ‘legal separation’ take-aways, they were negligent, reckless and irresponsible; notwithstanding, they had every legal right to do so.
  • Bullying has consequences; I was either going to implode or explode. If I imploded, I would die; if I exploded, someone else would die.
  • My family deliberately wounded and cornered me!
  • My family wanted me to bleed out and die!

If you disagree, you are willfully ignorant of the facts and disrespectful of the evidence leading up to Judy’s murder by my hand.

Daughter’s Impact Statements: Revenge and Compensation

Assessing the credibility of Victim Impact Statements is a challenging task because victims can make ‘false allegations’ without consequences! False allegations refer to situations where an alleged victim generates a deceptive claim of being harmed or experiencing trauma for a variety of motivations i.e. revenge, attention, and / or compensation. My daughter’s Victim Impact Statements require review with full understanding that they were prepared under lawyer supervision and that lawyer was representing the victims in ongoing legal action against me over the loss of their mother.Also, to be considered in the equation is the fact that Kim, the dysfunctional daughter, directly contributed to ‘legal separation’ over her family’s estrangement from Mom and Dad and our inability as grandparents to see our grandchildren, ‘R’ and ‘O’.➣ Both revenge and compensation were in play with my daughter’s Victim Impact Statements. Few people in Court on that June 3, 2015 day would have known that both daughters had initiated legal action against me for something less than $1M over “loss of their mother”.

  • Their lawyer was the same incompetent who represented Judy in ‘legal separation’ and was the one to provide me with Judy’s address information by breaching ‘client / solicitor privileged information’.
  • Their lawyer would have reviewed both daughter’s Victim Impact Statements, prior to submission to the Court.
  • Both Victim Impact Statements were in the spirit and playing to advantage their legal action against me over the “loss of their mother”

 In the case of both my daughter’s Victim Impact Statements, consideration must be given to the fact that both ‘revenge and compensation’ were issues in play when they created their respective Victim Impact Statements.

  • I have both Daughter’s Victim Impact Statements in Appendix ‘G’ of this document.

 From the ‘compensation’ perspective, I believe, it is important that everybody understand that when almost $1.3M was on the table — their legal attorney would assure that nothing positive was said about me in their Victim Impact Statement that would have the effect of jeopardizing that wrongful death / loss of love one’s lawsuit’s payoff. From the ‘revenge’ perspective, both my daughters would have good reason to want maximum justice served on me considering that I murdered their mother. While ‘revenge’ is to be expected, Kim’s Victim Impact Statement merits special review and consideration with the understanding that she was both “the kicker” to and “the driver” of ‘legal separation’.The ‘revenge‘ motivation was paramount in Kim’s Victim Impact Statement, when you consider the facts:

  • early in the ‘legal separation’ process Kim told me “I hate you {George) ”
  • was identified by Judy as the “the kicker” to legal separation because of her estrangement from both Mom and Dad
  • was the primary motivator/ driver as to why, when I asked Judy for reconciliation and to come home that Judy replied, “I can’t, I promised Kim”/ “I have to do this for my girls”
  • “I can’t, I promised Kim”/ “I have to do this for my girls” is significant as to the leveraging and influence Kim had on our ‘legal separation’ process
  • was figuratively the driver of the ‘legal separation’ bus.
  • was abusing her mother by withholding her children that had the effect of coercively manipulating Judy who would have been in an opiate brain fog with prescribed medication for her huge systemic and autoimmune health issues
  • was the author of endless ‘Boogey Man George’ stories, from hiding around every corner to stealing her vehicle, that I was reading about on Judy’s e-mail.
  • had an agenda to strip me of everything that I loved and held dear in life.
  • Kim’s statement that “He (George) loved the cottage” is significant to the motivation for that legal letter on January 16, 2014 of “no trespassing” at the cottage.
  • motivation was prefaced by “I hate you (George)28 to where Kim orchestrated the cottage take away because as she said “He {George) loved the cottage”.

Compensation would have been a big consideration and the reason why their lawyer reviewed their respective Victim Impact Statements. the overhanging lawsuit with almost $1.3M on the table would be a significant motivating factor to make false accusations and to deflect blame for the part each played in ‘legal separation’ and my mental frame on the day Judy was murdered by my hand.
27 “I hate you” is a quotation from a Kim e-mail to George28 Ibid 

My Big Mistakes

Just think about it:

  •  1)    If I wasn’t married to Judy
  •  2)    If Kim were never born
  •  3)    If Judy didn’t own the cottage property
  •  4)    If just one of the fore-mentioned never happened
  • Judy’s murder and my conviction of her murder would never have happened.

I made some
very poor decisions: With imprisonment, I have had unlimited time to contemplate the mistakes that I made that ultimately led to Judy’s murder and me being convicted of her murder. First mistake, I should have followed my instincts and never continued with the marriage after the first month, when I realized that Judy and I were totally sexually incompatible. We were at opposite ends of the intimacy spectrum; whereby, Judy was asexual, and I was high libido.
Everything that follows is due to that first mistake — my regrets are huge — I was stupid and naive to think that love begets love!

 Now I think, “What a wasted fucking life! ”These are all the other stupid and naive mistakes that I made after that first big one:

  • loving and nurturing a fake family
  • fathering genetically defective progeny
  • thinking that if I was a ‘good boy’ in ‘legal separation’, I would be fairly treated and maybe even reconciliation was possible or at minimum friendship.
  • not listening to legal advice:
  • “Love your wife but don’t trust her”
  • “Close down joint bank accounts”
  • “Just move out of the matrimonial home; Don’t get involved; Let your wife list the property, your wife created this mess let her clean up her mess!”
  • trusting my wife with ownership on title to all real estate property:
  • Matrimonial home
  • Cottage

Woulda / Coulda / Shouda:

My poor financial decisions years earlier by putting both the matrimonial home and the cottage into Judy’s name have direct linkage to Judy horrific death! This is because Judy would never have been murdered by my hand on January 16, 2014, if the cottage property was registered jointly in both our names. With joint ownership, I would never have been served with legal ‘no trespassing’ papers on January 16, 2014 and I would never have committed a ‘crime of passion’ to protect my spiritual sanctum the ‘cabin’.

The reason why Judy owned both the matrimonial home and the cottage property on title —
was simply a business decision because under CRA Income Tax legislation either property, the cottage property or the matrimonial home, at the time of sale, could be claimed the ‘principle residence’ and the other declared as ‘investment property’ subject to capital gains tax.

  • BIG MISTAKE trusting Judy with property ownership on title because now she had exclusive ownership and legally, she could dictate my use of the property and such things as whether the property is to be sold.

 
I made the decision to put both properties in Judy’s name because both properties were appreciating and at some point, in time, one or the other or both would be sold. At the time of sale, either property could be declared the investment property that would be subject to capital gains taxes. Judy had reduced annual income as compared to mine, which made property ownership in her name a logical choice for capital gains reasons.

  • At the time that I made the decision to put both properties in my wife’s name on title, our lawyer questioned the decision because by making this legal change to resister both properties in Judy’s name I was vulnerable without legal claim of ownership. He even suggested, “Love your wife but don’t trust her” (sic). Well I absolutely trusted my wife and the rest is history, I was ‘Abandoned and Betrayed for 30 shekels’.

For the same income tax reasons, all my RRSP’s over my working career were spousal, that had the legal effect of giving me no claims of ownership on title. The reason why Judy owned the vehicles was simply a flippant response when they were purchased — ‘you own everything else you might as well own the vehicles!’

receipt-1

Bullied to Death

I’m no Amanda Todd but in the end, the results are the same — we were ‘bullied to death’.
Readers may remember the story of Amanda Todd the Port Coquitlan BC. teenager who committed suicide after she was:

  • Depression
  • Anxiety
  • PTSD, and
  • Post concussion issues after I was physically assaulted in 2010.

➣ My bullying experience had a different story line, but the results are the same ‘someone died’.In my case:

  • I was victimized by my family and their lawyer.
  • That victimization constituted bullying.
  • I was heartbroken and deeply depressed over the loss of everyone and everything that I loved and held dear in my universe.
  • My wife of 47 years and my BFF of 50 years was psychologically being held captive by a dysfunctional daughter intent on getting even and breaking up the Fraser family. Evidenced by — Judy telling me, “I promised Kim”/ “I have to do this for my girls”, when I asked Judy for reconciliation.
  • That dysfunctional daughter, Kim, was telling me “I hate you!”.

➣ Where did that level of venom and hatred come from when as her Father, I only ever showed her love? When my family and their lawyer bullied me:

  • 1.)   They totally failed to understand that pushing all my buttons to intolerable levels of psychological and physiological pain and suffering would have dire consequences.
  • 2.)   They missed warning signals:
  • They failed to understand that ‘legal separation’ has consequences once it turns into ‘blood sport’.
  • I told them, ‘I wanted to commit suicide’ as a primal scream for ‘HELP’ and nobody cared. Their silence was taken as encouragement to commit the act because nobody cared if I lived or died.
  • They failed to understand that ‘suicide’ is an amorphous, double edged term that can be both internalized and / or externalized.
  • 3.)   They baited the death trap by taking away everybody and everything that I loved in life to where on that final day they delivered the legal coup de grace by doing what would be the death-blow takeaway of my spiritual sanctum, the ‘cabin’.

 Kim as the driver of the ‘legal separation’ bus knew exactly what she was doing; how I would be mortally wounded, because in her NRPS Report Statement after Judy’s murder January 16, 2014 she stated, “He (George) loved the cottage”. Plus, there is that never to forgotten “I hate you (George)” motivation.

  • 4.)   They deliberately set out to break me by turning ‘legal separation’ into ‘blood sport’! They totally failed to understand that:
  • sometimes, victims of bullying respond with violent blind aggression, and
  • wounded cornered animals are dangerous animals!
  • 5.)   They failed to recognize that bullying often has death consequences. Some bully victims implode and commit suicide others explode and commit suicide by murder or suicide by cop.
  • If the consequences are internalized the person commits suicide the way Amanda Todd did, or
  • If the consequences are externalized someone else dies as is the case in many horrific mass school shootings. Most fundamentally:
  • “Hurt people are people who hurt”29 and
  • “treat people ill and they will become wicket (evil)” 30

‘Abandoned and Betrayed’ by family and friends plus an overzealous lawyer who wanted total decimation — everybody knew that the pressure exerted on me would be intolerable — I was either going to implode or explode.I am a logical analytical person. I always put a lot of thought and planning into major events in my life and ‘murder’ would certainly qualify as a major event. For anyone to think that I ‘intentionally and deliberately’ killed my loving wife of 47 years and best friend of 50 years; so that, I could spend my remaining years in prison is simply ignorant of the facts and my realities on January 16, 2014 — I was pushed by intolerable levels of externally applied stress and anxiety. Because it was my fingerprints on the murder weapon, I alone have responsibility for Judy’s murder under the. Criminal Code; However, my family and their lawyer, Fred Cameron, have identifiable fingerprint culpable responsibility for bullying and pushing all my buttons to intolerable levels of psychological pain and suffering.

 Both daughters have a huge onus of responsibility for encouraging, coercing and leveraging Judy, when she was most vulnerable due to systemic and ongoing chronic health failures, to make the legal decision to prevent George from ever going to the place he loved most, the ‘cabin’.

 Both daughter’s guilt is one of betrayal out of their own self-interests!Buddha would say ‘Karma all around’!
29 Quote from Native Elder – ‘truth talker’.30 John Milton’s ‘Paradise Lost’(circa 1750)

Fred Cameron aka ‘Slime bag’ 31

Frederick Joseph Cameron was Judy’s family lawyer in legal separation.

  • Frederick Joseph Cameron
  • Barrister and Solicitor
  • 8 Clark Street,
  • St. Catharines, ON.
  • L2R SG2

While ‘slime bag’, Fred Cameron, has no legal culpability in Judy’s death, he certainly has major onus of responsibility for pushing the legal envelope to the maximum and ‘breaching client / solicitor privileged information’ by disclosing his client’s personal and private information to me.
The following will explain my history with Fred Cameron:

  • Years earlier before Judy initiated ‘legal separation’, I had met Fred Cameron when he was my daughter, Tracy’s, counsel in her legal separation. At that time, I accompanied Tracy to her initial ‘legal separation’ meeting in my capacity as Tracy’s father, advisor and caregiver.
  • When Judy decided that ‘legal separation’ was the answer to our dysfunctional daughter, Kim’s, estrangement and not seeing grandchildren, Fred Cameron would be the lawyer of choice by our daughter, Tracy, because of her experience with ‘legal separation’.
  • Later as ‘legal separation’ progressed, Tracy would function as Judy’s legal navigator on the ‘legal separation’ bus.
  • No doubt when Judy initiated ‘legal separation’, I resented having lawyers in my life. However, even in the initial stage, I wanted to figuratively be a ‘good boy’ by cooperating in every way possible because I always believed and never gave up hope that ‘faint hope reconciliation’ was possible.
  • Initially, I wanted Fred Cameron to act as my ‘legal separation’ counsel, knowing full well that having him represent both the applicant and respondent was not ideal.
  • I also was hoping for a tête-à-tête with Judy because by now she was living in an insular silo at her sister Irene’s place in Newmarket aka the Women’s Shelter ruse.
  • I hoped that we could quickly come to a civilized resolution, perhaps ‘reconciliation’ or at minimum ‘friends’ where I could continue as Judy’s caregiver.
  • By using a single lawyer, I thought that this would be the cheapest option after having heard that Vicky’s legal separation and divorce cost around $12K
  • The reception that I got from ‘slim bag’ was aggressive, nasty and disrespectful:
  • Cameron would not talk to me directly but instead demanded everything I say be in writing.
  • He basically, wanted nothing to do with me as a cooperating respondent in ‘legal separation’.
  • Further, ‘reconciliation’ was not a word that he understood because ‘reconciliation’ does not pay the bills.

31 Slime bag’ represents my thoughts, beliefs and / or opinions of Fred Cameron. “thoughts, beliefs and/or opinions” are a fundamental, CANADIAN CHARTER OF RIGHTS AND FREEDOMS, “Including press and other media of communication”. CONSTITUTION ACT, 1982 Sc.2(b)”

  • He resisted all my requests for a tête-à-tête with Judy.

I offered:

  • 1.)   Judy full authority over all the bank accounts and give me only a monthly allowance. Rejected immediately!
  • 2.)   I withdrew $12K from an RRP, resulting in a net $8K after holding taxes, and deposited into a joint bank account for Judy to access on as need basis.
    BIG MISTAKE! – Judy withdrew the 8K
  • 3.)   I kept all joint bank accounts open to show good faith and trust in my loving wife of 47 years and BFF of 50 years.
    BIG MISTAKE! – Judy withdrew the 3K
  • 4.)   I cooperated fully in the sale of the matrimonial home in the spirit of being a ‘good boy’. BIG MISTAKE! – the same day the matrimonial home’s sale was legally finalized ‘Slime bag’ got court order for mutual no contact.

My thanks:

  • 1.)   Judy did incremental $500 withdrawals from the joint bank account totalling $3K
  • 2.)   On the recommendations of her lawyer, Judy withdrew the whole $8K from a joint bank account for scurrilous reasons related to having a locksmith change door locks at the matrimonial home. (see Sc. Selling the matrimonial home)

 I was in huge financial distress after Judy withdrew the $8K from a joint bank account because I was still expected to pay for taxes, utilities and insurance on both the matrimonial home and the cottage even though I didn’t own the property on title. I could have defaulted on those financial commitments creating problems for Judy but:

  • my agenda was never to create problems for Judy
  • I had always taken responsibility for family financial commitments
  • not paying my bills would have been a violation of my personal ethics
 
  • 3.)   Fred Cameron advised Judy:
  • a)    not to sign over ownership of the vehicle that I had in my possession as a leveraging tactic. This presented a problem because the vehicle I was driving was scheduled for licence tag renewal.
  •  b)    not to give me my prescription glasses that were located in the vehicle that she was driving as a leveraging tactic.
  • c)    not to cooperate with me in paying property taxes, insurance and utilities for the matrimonial home and cottage properties; even though, Judy owned both properties on title.
  • d)    not to take responsibility for paying the auto insurance on the vehicle Judy owned and was in possession of.

 All insurance policies were in my name even though all property i.e. vehicles and real estate were in Judy’s name on title.

  • 4.)   When the matrimonial home was sold and I vacated the property, around the end of the last week of November 2013, I received a legal letter claiming that I had “stripped the matrimonial home of furnishings”.

Important to Note: I took only what Judy and I had verbally agreed on!

  • 5.)   When I inquired about how Judy wanted to handle the automatic discontinuation of my GM retiree Health Care insurance after ‘legal separation’, all hell broke loose and now, I’m expected to pay Judy’s health care insurance premiums even though I wasn’t the one to initiate ‘legal separation’.
  • 6.)   My thanks for being a ‘good boy’ in cooperating and facilitating the matrimonial home sale, on December 5, 2013, the day that the matrimonial home’s sale was legally finalized, I received:
  • a)    Notice of Mutual No contact Order for both Judy and I, specifying no mutual contact except through our respective lawyers; stensibly because I served no useful purpose after the matrimonial home was sold.
  • b)    Legal real estate documentation to the effect that “the net proceeds of the matrimonial home shall be held in trust—” That meant that I had no access to matrimonial home sale proceeds because Judy owned the home on title.
  • ➢    It was in those legal documents that I received Judy’s

confidential address:
        128 St Augustine Dr. Apt. #111,
        St. Catharines, ON.
        L2P 3X6
        Reference Sc. ‘My complaint to the LSUC’

  • c)    Judy’s lawyer was refusing to pay cottage and matrimonial home taxes, utilities and insurance bills by releasing some of the proceeds from the sale of the matrimonial home even though Judy owned both properties on title.

I was in a constant state of depression, anxiety, anger and frustration:

  • 1.)   Nothing related to my family or Judy’s legal was being done in the spirit of cooperation
  • 2.)   My personal ethics were only making the situation worse for me because I was expecting ‘legal separation’ to be conducted in a civilized, cooperative, orderly and businesslike manner.

 Property insurance was going to lapse, and property taxes were going into arrears

  • 3.)   As hard as I tried in the spirit of being a ‘good boy’, everything, I was doing was having the opposite effect.
  • 4.)   My family and their lawyer were playing me!
  • 5.)   They were ‘running the table’ on me!

My complaint to the Law Society of Upper Canada (LSUC)

On June 8, 2016, I made a formal complaint to the LSUC.
The following are quotations from that complaint to the LSUC.

  • “Fred Cameron committed egregious professional misconduct and malpractice by violating the most basic and sacrosanct tenet of the legal profession by disclosing and disseminating confidential client / solicitor privileged information.”
  • “the breach of client / solicitor information occurred on or about December 5, 2013, when he
    published his client, Judith Fraser’s address:
  •     128 St. Augustine Dr.
  •     Apt#111
  •     St. Catharines, ON.
  •     L2P 3X6

on a real estate accounting record.

  • “On or about the same date, December 5, 2013 date, I received a No communication Order ‘neither party shall directly or indirectly communicate or contact the other’.
  • “The inclusion of Judith Fraser’s address information on legal real estate documents issued December 5; 2013 (by Fred Cameron) put his client at great risk and ultimately this disclosure betrayal has direct correlation to Judith Fraser’s death by murder on January 16, 2014.
  • “It is totally Inconceivable to imagine such gross incompetence and negligence by anyone other than a rank amateur masquerading as a lawyer!”
  • “Fred Cameron further victimized his client, Judith Fraser, with his total lack of personal integrity that he displayed after he disclosed his client’s confidential and private address information not just to anyone but the person that she wanted her address information kept a secret. He further victimized Judith Fraser by not disclosing to her that he had breached his client’s trust when he disseminating her address information.”

In the event, Fred Cameron had disclosed to his client, Judy Fraser, that he had ‘breached client/ solicitor privileged information’ by not redacting confidential address information, that information may have allowed Judy Fraser to enact additional security measures that would have prevented her death on January 16, 2014. Fred Cameron’s ‘breach of client/ solicitor privileged information’ — by not redacting Judy’s address information on legal real estate documents sent to me on December 5, 2013 — provided me with Judy’s address information that I used to locate her on January 16, 2014, the day Judy Fraser was murdered by my hand.

Whitewash by Law Society of Upper Canada

In answer to my June 8, 2016 complaint to the LSUC re. Fred Cameron’s breach of:

 ‘Client I Solicitor Privileged and Confidential Information’,

 Fiduciary Trust, and

 Lack of legal and personal integrityI received this LSUC answer to my Complaint on April 21, 2017:

  • “Madam Justice McPherson’s Temporary Order provides among other things that “the applicant, (Judith Fraser), through counsel, (Fred Cameron), provide the respondent, {George Fraser), with a copy of all documents — reporting the real estate, (matrimonial home), sale by her lawyer, (Fred Cameron).”
  • “The Order did not require the redaction of information revealing Ms. Fraser’s address from the documents”

You be the Judge as to the stupidity, unprecedented level of incompetence and lack of personal and profession! integrity of Fred Cameron by disclosing Judy’s personal and private address information to the person who would become her murderer on January 16, 2014 — justified because “The (Mutual No communication) Order did not require the redaction of information revealing Ms. Fraser’s address from the documents”.

Family Lawyers Need training

Once ‘legal separation’ started, both Judy and I were in the target zone for intimate partner homicide.

 “Twenty-eight (28) people die in an intimate partner homicide every year in Canada”32 “68% are in the midst of actual or pending separation” 33When the lawyers turn ‘legal separation’ into blood sport, the statistics show
that there will be blood.
As Peter Jaffe, Director of the UWO ‘Centre for Research and Education on Violence Against Women and Children’ said “there is a need for greater awareness and training among certain professions/ including within the justice system” 34Judy Fraser’s murder by my hand was a preventable tragedy if there was a legal code of conduct not to totally beat down the respondent in ‘legal separation’ by running up the scoreboard even if they have a legal right to do so.
On the day, my wife was murdered, I was metaphorically a cornered animal wounded and bleeding looking to escape.
While it may be argued that, I lost everything due to my stupidity in trusting my wife with ownership on title of everything:

  • Matrimonial home
  • Cottage
  • Vehicles
  • Annuity and
  • RRSP’s — all spousal

Plus, I was about to lose 50% of my pension for spousal support.The moral and germane question ‘Is it fair to run down a respondent in ‘legal separation’ like a rabid dog for loving and absolutely trusting their spouse through 47 years of marriage; even though they have a legal right to do so’?
32 A. Hasham and W. Gillis, “When men kill their partners warning signals are missed”, Toronto Star, January 9, 201733 Ibid34 Ibid

Conclusion

Some may see this whole sad fucked up story of ‘What happened to George and Judy?’ as nothing more than a Shakespearian take-down of a father by his dysfunctional daughter; but as the protagonist, I see both myself and Judy as victims of Kim, our vindictive dysfunctional daughter. That dysfunctional daughter orchestrated, bullied, took down and betrayed both her mother and father with her self-serving agenda to get even for perceived injustices that:

  • we did not love her as much as we loved her sister.
  • we were going to welsh her on a promise to gift her a matching $15K to the one we had already given her sister, Tracy, over her home’s porch safety issues.
  • she was only allowed one cereal box to be opened at a time as a child

(Reference Appendix ‘F’ – Excerpts from Kimberly Gillespie e-mail) I do hope that my daughters are now enjoying their ‘blood money’ reward!
Both daughters played a huge role in driving the ‘legal separation’ bus into Hell.
Just look at them now!
Perhaps happily driving a new ‘beamer’ or a ‘Harley’ in the case of Tracy.
Important for them to always remember, that their new toys and stuff was purchased with your ‘blood money’ reward for ‘Abandoning and Betraying’ both your Mom and Dad.
Certainly, in the case of Kim, I can imagine her thinking ‘it was all worth it!’ because she
got much more than the $15K gift that she thought that Mom and Dad were going to screw her out of.
I continue to be pissed because:

  • 1)   I have huge regrets for not walking away from our marriage after that first month.
  • 2)   I wasted my life loving a fake family!
  • 3)   I trusted my wife!
  • 4)   Judy’s murder was absolutely preventable!

——————————————–Some questions for those reading about this terrible tragedy of ‘What happened to George and Judy?

  • 1)   What would you have done?
  • 2)   How does a person grieve the loss of everything that they loved and held to be dear?
  • Easy to say talk to someone or ask for “HELP”!
  • 3)   Who exactly would I talk to or ask for “HELP” because I had no one; they had all ‘Abandoned and Betrayed’ me?

“Yesterday all my troubles seemed so far away
Now it looks like they’re here to stay
Oh, I believe in yesterday
Suddenly I’m not half the man I used to be
There’s a dark cloud hanging over me
Oh, yesterday came suddenly
Why she had to go, I don’t know she wouldn’t say
I feel something wrong now, I long for yesterday
Yesterday life was such an easy game to play
Now I need a place to hide away
Oh, I believe in yesterday”The Beatles

Contact

<abandonedandbetrayed47@gmail.com>

www.facebook.com

george.fraser.90226

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Potpourri: Postscript/ Appendix / Ruminations and more

A. Postscript Hypotheticals: What would be the ‘Defense’ and the ‘Crown’ position if there was a trial

Defense Position:

Judy’s murder was “not planned” and “not intended”.

Psychiatric evidence would be presented to show that at the moment of Judy Fraser’s murder George Fraser was not mentally competent*. I was at the confluence of:

  • situational
  • systemic
  • psychological, and
  • physiological

issues.*Paramedics said I was ‘catatonic’.Crown Position:

Judy’s murder “was planned” and “was intended”.

The prosecution hypothetically would have alleged that I had lost all hope and killing my wife was justification for all the losses that I suffered in ‘legal separation’. They might have argued their position based on any one of the following reasons or combination thereof:

  • 1)   I was resentful and jealous of Judy’s relationship with daughters, mutual friends and our Church.
  • 2)   I felt ‘Abandoned and Betrayed”; I wanted to level the playing field.
  • 3)   Judy’s murder was payback for everybody who ‘Abandoned and Betrayed’ me
  • 4)   I tried my best; I failed; I lost everything and everyone that I loved and knew in life — I was prepared to go all in.
  • 5)   Because I was hurting when I committed my heinous act, they might have drawn a reason parallel to:
  • a.    the Native parable that “Hurt people are people who hurt”, or
  • b.    John Milton quotation from ‘Paradise Lost’ (circa 1750) “Treat people ill and they will become wicked (evil)”.
  • 6)   I always believed that in deadly conflicts, I would use whatever tactic necessary to survive.
  • 7)   ‘Legal Separation’ had turned into a deadly conflict ‘blood sport’ where I was being victimized.
  • 8)   I had already lost numerous battles; I did not want to lose the war.
  • 9)   I had already resigned myself to suicide; I might as well take Judy with me.
  • 10)   I was prepared to die in order to protect my cottage from a hostile takeover.
  • 11)   I had been repulsed, marginalized, disrespected; all my efforts in ‘legal separation’ had been trivialized — time to garner some respect.
  • 12)   I felt that I was the ultimate victim, I responded with the ultimate victim reaction.
  • 13)   I was already grieving Emotional Death with loss after loss, death after death in ‘legal separation’; I was not prepared to accept Spiritual Death with the loss of my spiritual sanctum, my ‘cabin’.
  • 14)   I loved the ‘cabin’; I always believed that I would protect those that I loved to the death;
  • 15)   My cottage was under threat; I was protecting my cottage from that threat.
  • 16)   This was the hill that I was prepared to die on!
  • 17)   I was a throw away Dad; this was my way of saying — “Fuck You family”.
  • 18)   I did everything right in cooperating with ‘legal separation’; I had been a ‘good boy’ but it was never enough. Time for George to score a ‘win’!
  • 19)   I totally failed as ‘good boy’; time to garner some respect by showing some ‘bad boy’.
  • 20)   Time for Kim’s ‘George the Boogey Man’ stories to come to fruition.
  • 21)   I felt ashamed and disgraced; I had nothing to lose.
  • 22)   Judy and her lawyer were running up the scoreboard — I made a desperate ‘Hail Mary’
  • 23)   Nobody ever fucked me over as badly as Judy
  • 24)   I wanted my family to experience pain and emotional death in the way that I did after being Abandoned and Betrayed
  • 25)   Life was meaningless! after I was Abandoned and Betrayed by my family, friends, community and Church, I had nothing to lose!
  • 26)   I was playing the spoiler role; “You want her – take her!”
  • 27)   When Judy said in e-mail to her lawyer “I’d rather die than go back with him (George)”, I wanted
    to make that a self-fulfilling prophesy.
  • 28)   My family figuratively stabbed me in the back; I reacted in kind.
  • 29)   Judy’s murder was bully payback time, as is the case, in so many school shootings.
  • 30)   “We can be a hero for just one day”, David Bowie
  • 31)   Like the Samurai, the fear of being shamed, of being disgraced was greater than the love of life.
  • 32)   You can’t humiliate an individual to this level without expecting a reaction.
  • 33)   Judy’s murder wasn’t done out of hate, it was a terrible act of freedom — to finally rid myself of the burden.
  • 34)   Murder was the nexus between actions and reactions
  • 35)   Judy’s murder was quid pro quo for everybody who fucked me over in ‘legal separation’.
  • 36)   “Killing someone may sound like a crazy way to go about feeling good yet that’s what lies at the heart of it — the murderer tries to destroy his own unbearable pain of separateness” 35
  • 37)   I had already lost everything and was about to lose my pensions to spousal support — I just exchanged living in a prison to living on a welfare subsidy.
  • 38)   When your family does not believe in you — you believe you are no longer important — combine that with no hope for the future — you act accordingly.
  • 39)   Every person has a breaking point and I had mine.
  • 40)   Everybody totally misread my values.
  • 41)   My daughters expected the worst from me and in the end after being pushed to the breaking point, I delivered!

I could go on because the hypotheticals for the prosecution are endless.In the end, I pleaded guilty to Second Degree Murder “not intended / not planned” that would have been the probable outcome of a full-blown jury trial.
35 B. Lazloff, “We’re all doing time”

B. Message* for my grandchildren ‘O’, ‘R’, ‘E’ and ‘A’

*The following is the hypothetical message that I would have liked to read to my grandchildren on the day that I was sentenced, June 3, 2015.’O’, ‘R’, ‘E’ and ‘A’, I love you guys, I always have, and I always will.
While I may never see you again, I want you to know, it’s not my choice.

Both Grandma and I are very proud of each of you.
Each of you were like the icing on our love for family,
The best part of Grandma and I being together, working together, loving together and raising two beautiful daughters together was that Kim and Tracy themselves became loving mothers and by the Grace of God they will become Grandmothers to your children.
Each of you are very strong and courageous for coming here today and telling me how much you miss Grandma ‘Bo’.
I too miss Grandma ‘Bo’ terribly.
Just the thought of not being able to reach out and hold her hand, hug and kiss her brings tears to my eyes.
But God found a way for Grandma to be with us always because Grandma will live forever in our hearts giving us all the love that she had for each of us. Grandma believed in Jesus and she believed what Jesus said, “Everyone who has faith in me will live forever, even if they die”. (John 11:25)
This is possible because:

  • a.    When, you look at your Mom’s face, you will see and hove remembrances of Grandma Judy looking back at you. This is because both Kim and Tracy are beautiful in Grandma’s image
  • b.    For, ‘O’, ‘E’ and ‘A’ when you see that special pin hole in your ear — you will remember that Grandma gave it to both you and your Mom.
  • c.    When, you cook marshmallows over a campfire, and they catch fire and burn ‘black’ — you will remember that’s the way Grandma loved her marshmallows cooked.
  • d.    When, you see sparkles across the water’s surface on a bright summer’s day — that’s Grandma spreading sparkle dust because Grandma loved bright sunny days.
  • e.    When, you hear about or see a ‘carrot cake’ you will think of Grandma because that was Grandma’s favourite Christmas recipe to bake.
  • f.    Then, when you eat a piece of ‘carrot cake’ or two, you will think of Grandma — ‘one more time again!’
  • g.    Grandma loved pink roses; wet kisses from puppy dogs; kd Lang singing Hallelujah; John Denver singing “Sunshine on my shoulder makes me happy”; XL French Vanilla Cappuccino; Frangelico and skinny dipping at the cottage —

I could go on and on, but this is so painful because I miss Grandma so much!Both Grandma ‘Bo’ and I (maybe you remember, I identified as ‘tog’ — ‘the old guy’) loved to hear about:

  • your school successes,
  • ‘O’ scoring another goal,
  • ‘R’ perfecting her dunk
  • ‘E’s winning soccer game goal, or
  • ‘A”s latest dance moves

You were all so different as people with your own personalities; yet all the same, in the way Grandma loved you and the way you loved your Grandma ‘Bo’.
For my grandkids, I don’t want this day to be a defining moment in your lives because it is just so difficult a memory for both you and me.
Please remember always this as a day, that neither Grandma nor I wanted or ever imagined would happen. Together we had hopes, dreams and memories ‘that we thought would never end’.
Grandma ‘Bo’ will live forever in your hearts and sometimes you will look over your shoulder and Grandma will be there smiling back at you because she will always be there for you as your guardian angel.
Just think always:
“Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy
Sunshine in my eyes makes me cry
Sunshine on the water looks so lovely
Sunshine almost always makes me high”
As for me kids, this is goodbye because I will probably never see you again even “one more time again”. “Oh, I’ve seen fire and I’ve seen rain” and I pray to God that someday you will understand that it was never my intention to hurt the person that I loved most in life.
Good-bye kids have a happy life!
Love togxoxo

C. In reference to Tracey Haley Victim Impact Statement of April 6, 2015

The following is the hypothetical Reply to both granddaughters, ‘E’ and ‘A’, in reference to Tracy Haley’s
Victim Impact Statement36I know how much both of you miss Grandma Judy because I miss her to.
Both Grandma and I miss our times with both of you and your Mom, “countless dinners, days, evenings,
fixing, hanging stuff, building, babysitting as your support system”
37

Oh, how I wish that I could turn back the hands of time.
I just hope you understand that it was never to you.
Someday you will learn the truth about how both Grandma, and I struggled.
Things happened that neither Grandma nor I were able to control.
Then one day, I returned from the cottage and Grandma was gone.
We didn’t even get a chance to hug, kiss and say “Goodbye” to one another. In the end, I had no one to  talk to.
No one was there for me when I called for ‘HELP’. Everybody bullied and shunned me.
Your Aunt Kim was telling me “I hate you”!
Your mother didn’t want me at your home.
I was not even allowed to give you a Christmas present. It was like everyone wanted me to die.
But then, by a cruel twist of fate Grandma Judy dies instead of me.
Grandma Judy’s murder was a senseless act that didn’t have to happen and would never have happened if we were a loving family.

“Emma Lou” for a long time, I to left notes for Grandma Judy.
We were both grieving her loss!
Like you, I miss the cottage, “boat rides, the campfires, the marshmallows, fishing, catching frogs and the special popsicles that I always stocked in the freezer.”38
I remember you always said that ‘the cottage was your favourite place to go for summer vacation’. ‘The cottage was also my favourite place to go for summer vacation’ and that became the reason why a terrible thing happened to Grandma on that last day for both of us on January 16, 2014.
They told me; I was not allowed to go to the cottage!
They were deliberately trying to hurt me!

“Abner” to answer your questions:

  • Yes, some days:
    -I hav a beard then I get bored of it and shave.
  •   -I can have Diet Cokes and freezies whenever I want.
  • No hot baths but I do have a hot shower every day.
  • No swimming pool except in my memory and I revisit those memories regularly. Many times, I see myself floating around in the pool we all loved so much at your wonderful home at 202 Keefer.
  • I am so sorry your mother felt that she could no longer live there due to memories of both Grandma and I.

36 Tracey Haley Victim Impact Statement, April 6, 201537 Ibid38 Ibid

  • I will never forget the good times that Grandma and I spent with the ‘HEAT’39 “countless dinners, days, evenings, fixing, hanging stuff, building, babysitting as your support system” 40

 If I was permitted to ask the Divas one question, this is the question that I would ask: ‘In whose bed does Oscar and Laci sleep 😊?’Grandma and I loved our kids!
We loved to watch them play together; they were best friends.
Then there were the not so friendly times that they both wanted to occupy the same space on Grandma’s lap.
Please give them both a kiss for Grandma and I.
They like everybody, we never got to say “Goodbye”.

This is all so sad! — none of this ever had to happen and it would never have happened if we were a loving family!

 

39 ‘HEAT’ is acronym for “H” / ‘E’ / ‘A’ / “Tracey”40 Tracey Haley Victim Impact Statement, April 6, 2015

D. Knock Knock — Nobody at Home!

I Tried My Best to Reconcile with Judy Excerpts from e-mails that I sent Judy and my daughters, Kim and Tracy, on or about December 1st, 2013 pleading for a ‘reconciliation’ sit down discussion with them and the lawyers. That ‘reconciliation’ sit down discussion never happened — my request for HELP fell on deaf ears.,Important to put into perspective this December 1st, 2013 e-mail pleading with my daughter to support a reconciliation of Mom and Dad.

  • Neither daughter supported reconciliation; in fact, there was never a reply to this e-mail from anyone. It was as if everybody wanted me dead.
  • Then by a cruel twist of fate or was it karma? Judy would be murdered by my hand 6 weeks later on January 16, 2014.

——————————-

December 1, 2013
To:           Judy, Tracy, Kim
Copy to: Fred Cameron, James Almas
Subject: Sit down Discussion
Judy I’m reaching out to everybody because I simply don’t want to lose you.
Legal separation, as we have found out, is a nasty and distasteful experience especially after 47 years of marriage because the talking points are just about money. As bad as we feel now, it will only get worse when we talk about the jewelry on your fingers as General Household item(s) and joint custody of our kids, Laci and Oscar.
I am quite frankly dubious that we would even be able to survive as friends at the end of the process.

➣ SO FAR IN THE LEGAL PROCESS, THERE HAS BEEN ABSOLUTELY NO OPPORTUNITY THAT WOULD ALLOW ME TO SAY, “I LOVE YOU AND WANT RECONCILIATION”.Maybe Mr. Cameron (Judy’s lawyer in legal separation) did not tell you, it doesn’t have to be legal
separation because under the Family Law Act R.S.O. 1990, your attorney at law is required to tell you
that there are alternatives before any ‘legal separation’ is processed. In our case that could be
reconciliation.
What I am reaching out to you for is a ‘sit down’ with our lawyers; I would also ask that our daughters be
included because I’m not just looking for reconciliation with you but also with my daughters, their
families and our grandchildren — I believe that you also would like to be a whole family again! Our girls
should be fully aware just how nasty and distasteful the process is for Mom and Dad to go from having a
beautiful matrimonial home in Fonthill, a cottage on Bray Lake and occasional trips to FL to where at the
end of the ‘legal separation’ process we will have none of those luxuries that we worked for and enjoyed
in the past 47 years. Our future is a ground floor apartment living separate lives with no caregiver
support.
We will have each gone from having 100% full benefits of everything that was ours to considerably less
than one-half of everything that was ours as husband and wife.Our ‘legal separation’ future is far worse than what you imagined that Lessard would ever do to you and the reality is that he couldn’t do anything to you as owner of all our property on title— Please ask Cameron to explain.
Your worst fears, of losing so much of what you worked for, have become a self-fulfilling prophesy.
You abandoned me in part because of your false beliefs of what Lessard could do to you.
Your reality is far worse than any Lessard consequences that you might have imagined and Lessard had nothing to do with the situation we find ourselves in.

James Almas is providing me with legal counsel. Aside from his skills as a Family Lawyer, he has shown himself to be a wonderful, compassionate, caring person in disbelief that our 47 years of marriage with manageable issues is heading for ‘legal separation’. Everything that we worked so hard together for is about to go into the dumpster. I believe that Fred Cameron may also be a caring and compassionate person; it’s just that I have not seen that side of his character in my one telephone conversation with him.

Between the lawyers, “the talking points are Just about money”. They do not facilitate or counsel
‘reconciliation’ but in this case, I am asking/ pleading for their help in ‘reconciliation’ because after 47 years of marriage we each deserve a second chance to make it work and continue to grow old together providing care giving support to one another.

Judy I’m so sorry for what has happened to us — I love you dearly and always will.
My objective is that after a period of healing, respecting one another’s space and dating in a ‘friendship reconciliation’, we agree to move back in with one another as lovers and as one another’s caregivers. Together, we would be able to finance a better-quality apartment than the ones that we can afford as a separated couple.
We had dreams:
As we discussed before all this happened, on our 50th Anniversary, I would like to reaffirm our wedding vows (Marriage Certificate attached) and do friendship rings.
We talked about a 50th Anniversary cruise.
Trips to Nashville, Washington and Las Vegas that you had already started to research on-line. When the cottage sells, we could even consider another place in FL or a Class ‘A’ RV to travel to FL, AZ or TX.
If reconciliation does not work out and we both or one or the other agrees that ‘legal separation’ is the way to go after the cottage property sells, then it would be much easier to split assets because we are just dealing with cash in the bank.

Judy would you please support me on this reconciliation request.
I am sorry and apologize for every angry thing that I have said or did that has hurt you to where you felt that you had to do this terrible ‘legal separation’.

I only ever wanted the best for my family.
Like you I struggled with Kim’s estrangement and not seeing our grandchildren.
I made numerous attempts to reconcile issues with Kim; “to mend fences” as you say in the Dear George letter.

What you actually said in the Dear George letter was “You made no effort to mend fences, knowing how it devastated me”. The fact of the matter, Judy you are in denial — “You made no effort to mend fences”. Judy, you did not want to interfere with Kim; you wanted to give her space; you didn’t want to have a mother I daughter talk with Kim because you didn’t want to be confrontational; you did nothing to

resolve the Kim situation and her family’s estrangement; you just stood on the sidelines wringing your hands.!!! On one occasion, you asked me to back off from confronting Kim with “What is your problem?”

➣ Judy as hard as it is for you to accept the fact(s) of Kim’s estrangement, you must realize that you have a selective memory by filtering out details that you do not want to know or hear.

Mr. Almas and Mr. Cameron, I know that this request is legally conflicting for both of you. Both of you are solely focused on the law and want to make this all just about legal separation assignment of assets but please consider that it’s not that it’s not often that you see couple who have been married 47 years heading into the deep dark reality of ‘legal separation’. Imagine at 47 years, we may even been married longer than you are old!!!

Kim and Tracy
Mom has stopped communicating with me and I suspect that it is because she is deeply conflicted by me wanting ‘reconciliation’ and you guys not wanting or at minimum not supporting reconciliation. Both Mom and I have discussed your non-support of reconciliation many/ many/ many times over the past weeks.

➣ Your support for reconciliation is the primary stumbling block to resolve our issues and moving forward as a couple in our waning years.

Please support me and Mom to just try one time only and if I fail, you guys vote me off the island. 
For my girls as with Judy, ‘I am sorry and apologize for every angry thing that I have said or done’ that has hurt you to where you have become so vindictive toward me.
I love you both and want to have a future with both of you plus Troy and our grandchildren.

Kim, you are key!!! 
I don’t know if you were privy to Mom’s ‘Dear George’ letter that she left me but you (and Troy) were a primary cause of Mom’s distress (with me) and a major reason(s) why she abandoned me. Whatever your problem(s) with me / us might be, I simply did not and still do not know; I / we were just too
polite to ask. All along, we were hoping that whatever your estrangement problems hanging over the Fraser family that they would resolve themselves, but they did not and now this terrible destructive separation has happened resulting in 47 years of marriage being thrown into the dumpster like so much household garbage.

➣At the Thanksgiving dinner Mom attended with you (Kim) and family, I understand from her that she was only allowed to attend provided that she restricts her conversation(s) to ‘work and school only’. That dinner and those conditions imposed on her was not a healthy environment and it traumatized her deeply; she told me so. Kim, the disrespect you showed to your Mother at that Thanksgiving dinner was “the kicker” to ‘legal separation’. In Judy’s Dear George letter to me, she stated that you were “the kicker” to ‘legal separation’.

Mom blames me for the Fraser I Gillespie issues because she has been unable to take any ownership responsibility herself as to your drift/ estrangement. She never brought up your and your family’s estrangement as would be customary in a mother/ daughter talk. Even now, she is in denial that she did anything wrong by passively standing on the sidelines; all the while agonizing over our increasing distance between you, Troy and the grandkids.

➣ Many times, Judy would be in tears saying, “What have we done to Kim?” and “She hasn’t even dropped by to see Oscar!”

Between Mom and I, we talked about the Fraser/ Gillespie situation many times. Multiple times, I asked Tracy “What’s wrong with Kim?”. Tracy said that she didn’t really know your issues either and most times would just say, “That’s the Gillespie’s!” or “Kim has sand in her underpants!”. Although, I spend a lot of time at the ‘cabin’ by myself, Mom and I talked every other night. I was always asking if she had heard from the girls (Kim and Tracy). Sometimes Mom reported that Tracy had called or texted but never you.
Kim you made no acknowledgement of Mom’s birthday on September 1st, 2013 and then in October you refused all my efforts to have a Fraser family get together for pizza and wings. It was at that time that you declared that ‘a Fraser family get together would be too stressful until you were feeling better’. I reached out to Tracy again. It was at that time that Tracy said that ‘it was not just one issue but maybe an accumulation that went back a long way’.

➣ Now it has come to this, I am sorry Kim (and Troy) but you have big time culpability in our separation!

Tracy your “no contact” letter to me was hurtful after all the efforts and support that Mom and I put into you and your girls’ lives, your wellbeing and your home after your marriage separation. You were more than a daughter you were a BF; I was your caregiver and caretaker.
So here I am today:

  • Pissed
  • Isolated
  • Sitting alone crying / Oscar is crying also because he misses Laci
  • Unable to contact my wife of 47 years
  • Felling ‘abandoned and betrayed’ by everyone
  • Extremely disappointed in everybody’s lack of support for me and my attempts to reconcile with Mom

And Mom is:

  • Conflicted
  • Isolated
  • Sitting alone crying with Laci on her lap
  • Apprehensive about her future:
  • of living in a Grandma Fess style basement apartment after leaving her comfortable home on Hurricane Road with her BFF, Vicky, next door
  • without a dedicated caregiver
  • Not wanting to reconcile with me because as she told me “I promised my girls”/ “I promised Kim” / “I have to do this for my girls”

Do I have to paint a picture? 
Both Mom and I are crying, we are in pain: devastated, depressed, and anxious about our respective situations and our future in the years we have remaining, and neither is available to help and support the other because we are geographically separated.
Would someone please take the lead?Troy you are in the best position to do this; the way I would do in either of your situations and just say “I/ we support a reconciliation for Mom and Dad”.
There is just too much at stake to push any agenda that is personally spiteful i.e. ‘Let’s rejoice we have Dad on the run let’s get him — it’s payback time’.
Make no mistake Kim, this is your agenda, I am the target and Mom is the collateral damage.
It’s is not enough to just say ‘I support a reconciliation’, Mom needs you to either verbalize or put it into writing.
Mom wants to do right by you and see her grandchildren again and so do I!

Please everyone just read the foregoing and allow Mom and Dad to reconcile.
I am willing to take full responsibility for everything bad that has happened.
I am continuing with my counselling for depression, anxiety, PTSD and post-concussion issues after my physical assault.
Let’s just get on without the drama; so that, the Frasers can be family again.
Allow Grandma and Grandpa to see their grandchildren again and to share family holidays and special times.

➣ I want Kim and Troy to know that I am committed to finally resolve the issues between us.

In the meantime, while the counselling and healing process is in progress and being addressed by all parties, Mom and Dad would like no better than to have and share Christmas 2013 together with the Gillespie’s and the Haley’s as a good faith gesture of a new beginning. I would like nothing better than to attend Christmas candlelight service at Carleton as has been our tradition for many years

Hopefully at some time in the future, we can look back and say, ‘Thank goodness we put that ‘estrangement’ issue behind us and moved on with our lives and became a loving family again!’

➣ You have my word and I am a person of integrity that if a reconciliation between Mom and I doesn’t work, I will volunteer, or by family intervention (you can vote me off the island) to leave the Fraser home and continue my life as a failure and angry old man away from the matrimonial home where ever that may be.
Please use this document as my promise to that effect.

I have put a lot of thought into this document, both Mom and I deserve the courtesy of you reading thoroughly without animosity towards me because this is all about not just me but Mom and our future together in the few years that we have remaining.

Love always Dad xoxo

E. Huge debt of gratitude to Chaplain Jeff Dieters who pulled me back from the abyss

I would never have survived my incarceration after Judy’s murder on January 16, 2014 without Chaplain Jeff Dieters grief counselling support while I was at the Niagara Detention Centre. I owe Chaplain Jeff a huge debt of gratitude for the hours and hours of being there for me, listening to me, praying with me, holding my hand, providing inspirational reading material and mentoring me in my darkest days.

Chaplain Jeff Dieters provided the following letter dated May 5, 2015 to the Judge for consideration at my plea-bargaining sentencing for Second Degree on June 5, 2015. The content of this letter represents a totally fair summary and appraisal of my mind set and the mental conflict that I found myself in on that terrible day, January 16, 2014, when I murdered of my BF of 50 years and loving wife of 47 years.papers 1 papers 2 papers 3

F. Excerpts from Kim Gillespie E-mail in November 2013

➣ This e-mail from Kimberly Gillespie to both Mom and Dad, Judy and George Fraser, clearly demonstrates the reasons as to Kim’s dysfunction and her estrangement over 2013. Both Judy and myself were devastated to think that Kim ‘never felt appreciated as our daughter’; both of us, had we known, would have done everything to reconcile and resolve Kim’s grievances long before those grievances spiraled into Judy herself becoming dysfunctional over not seeing her grandchildren.

Significant quotations:

  • “I never felt appreciated as your daughter”
  • “YOU (in reference to both Mom and Dad, Judy and George Fraser) treat Tracy and I differently”.
  • “YOU (in reference to both Mom and Dad, Judy and George Fraser) clearly show favoritism towards Tracy”

Then there are money issues:

  • Daycare issue with Judy going back 17 years
  • Thought that she was being screwed over for a $10K matching gift that we gave to Tracy to replace a dilapidated I unsafe front porch

——————————————————-

“l have never felt appreciated as your daughter. I’ve always been the ‘black sheep’ of the family. I was always the nice, thoughtful daughter: always baking, offering to pick up errands or gifts, painting your laundry room while you’re in Florida; convincing Tracy to help me clean out your kitchen cupboards and fridge etc. to be nice and help out. I always took my kids to Sunday School and helped out in the nursery, all to be this a people-pleasing person.
When Tracy was getting divorced, I jumped right in to help and get her settled. Over the past 6 years that she’s lived in her house on Keefer, we would see you both constantly at Tracy’s to do anything and everything for her. I wouldn’t be surprised if you have been to her house on average 2-3 times each week since she’s moved in. How many times have you stopped by OUR house during this same time? 3, maybe 4 times a year? HOW DO YOU DO THAT?!? How do you visit one child SO OFTEN without popping in to see the other? We’re right down the street from each other for Christ’s sake!! For someone who grew up despising Gramma & Grampa Fraser for treating you like a second fiddle compared to your sister, I would think that as a father that you would learn from their mistakes. But you haven’t. You’ve become Thom and Christine. You would spend months at the cottage and when you returned, you would make a bee line right for Tracy’s house. All you talk about is HEAT41. It’s even your password on some things. How do you think that makes us feel?”

“How else did you treat Tracy and I different? Oh, let me count the ways:

  • Daycare: You’ve spent countless times watching over ‘E’ and ‘A’. So be it. Tracy needed help as a single mother. I get it. How often did you charge her for your services? Never? Oh, how funny because you charged Troy and I $25 a day for each child while Mom watched over ‘O’ and ‘R’. That sounds fair. Thanks Thom.
  • When ‘O’ almost died in Bahamas the first week in Jan/12. one of your cars was at Tracy’s house within the week and no came to visit us. REALLY? YOUR GRANDSON ALMOST DIED IN A FOREIGN COUNTRY AND NO ONE COMES TO SEE HIM WHEN HE RETURNS HOME?!? ARE YOU WAITING FOR AN INVITATION?!? I guess so, after all you’ve become Thom and Christine?

41 ‘HEAT’ is acronym for “H”/”E”/”A”/ Tracey”

  • I recall a dance recital that ‘R’ was in at the age of 5, we were all there except YOU because YOU. were cleaning the grout in your tile??! Really? A retired guy who can clean his grout on any hour of any day of the week has to choose the one hour when his granddaughter has a dance recital? How do you think that makes ‘R’ feel? No favouritism there.
  • You ‘announced’ in all it’s hype how you were going to give Tracy and I $10,000 each. Tracy needed hers now. I get it. But you promised to give us our payment YEARS later… once you sell the cottage. But really, you have no interest in selling the cottage. It’s become a big joke to us. You’ve overpriced the cottage so that it will never sell. You’ve always told everyone that EVERYTHING is for sale for the right exorbitant price. This is just a comical example of that. The cottage is your life.

Bottom line: YOU treat Tracy and I differently. YOU clearly show favouritism towards Tracy. YOU literally drive by our house daily to-go help out HEAT. At this point, don’t even bother attempting to pop in to make up for lost time. You’ve burnt that bridge. It’s just a stressor for me now. I don’t want you to stop in. I will learn from your mistakes. I WILL NEVER treat my kids differently as you have done towards Tracy and I. THIS IS NOT MY FAULT. IT’S YOURS.”Again, I remind the reader that
this Kim Gillespie e-mail
was addressed to both Judy
and myself — when Kim says
‘YOU’ that ‘YOU’ is in reference
to both Mom and Dad, Judy and
George Fraser

G. Compare and Contrast Daughter’s Victim Impact Statements

compare and contrast the Victim Impact Statements of both Kimberly Gillespie and Tracy Haley with the full understanding that they had an active $1.3M lawsuit against George Fraser for the wrongful death of their mother, Judith Fraser.Assessing the credibility of Victim Impact Statements is a challenging task because victims can make ‘false allegations’ without consequences! ‘False allegations’ refers to situations where an alleged victim generates a deceptive claim of being harmed or experiencing trauma for a variety of motivations i.e. revenge, attention, compensation and I would add creating a smoke screen distraction to divert attention away from blameworthy conduct.
1.    Kimberly Gillespie’s Victim Impact Statement

kimberly paper kimberly statement kimberly statement 1

kimberly statement 2 kimberly statement 4 kimberly statement 5 kimberly statement 6 kimberly statement 7 kimberly statement 8

* On review of both the Kimberly Gillespie and Tracy Haley Victim Impact Statements:

  • 1.   I believe, it is important that everybody understand that when almost $1.3M is on the table — their legal attorney would:
  • a)    assure that nothing positive was said about George Fraser in their Victim Impact Statement that would have the effect of jeopardizing that wrongful death/loss of love one’s lawsuit’s payoff.
  • b)    play those Victim Impact Statements to their advantage in that almost $1.3M lawsuit against George Fraser for the ‘wrongful death of their mother, Judith Fraser.
  • 2.   Kimberly Gillespie’s Victim Impact Statement merits special consideration.
    This is because Judy identified Kim was “the kicker” to legal separation.

Once the ‘legal separation bus’ got underway:

  • Kim becomes the driver of the of the legal separation process; figuratively the ‘legal separation bus driver’. In that capacity Kimberly was dealing directly with Judy Fraser’s lawyer, Fred Cameron, in legal separation.
  • Tracy Haley the ‘navigator’,
  • Judy the ‘hapless passenger’ sitting behind the bus driver
  • George was thrown under the bus almost immediately
  • Judith Fraser’s lawyer in legal separation, Fred Cameron aka ‘slime bag’, was the engine running at full throttle because he could — Judy owned everything on title!
  • second tier bus seats were occupied by family and friends; they would be encouraging and cheering on the ‘legal separation’ dumpster fire as Judy’s lawyer ran up the scoreboard.

No one suggested a time-out for fair play reasons! No one understood that ‘legal separation’ bullying has consequences or as John Milton said, ‘treat people ill and they become wicked’ (sic).

  • Continuing with the bus metaphor — the ‘legal separation’ bus was running out of control to a final destination stop, at a place called ‘Hell’, where Judy Fraser would be murdered by her husband, George Fraser.

From the Kimberly Gillespie Victim Impact Statement, you will read:

➣ “In Sept/20131 I stated that I would no longer participate in any family get togethers as I needed to avoid the stress, he caused me. I think this was the final reason that my Mom decided to leave him in Oct/ 2013. During my parent’ s separation I suffered a lot of mental, verbal and written abuse as he blamed me for the breakdown in their marriage. There is no doubt in my mind that my father hates me. After seeing what he’s capable of, I fear that he wants to kill me next.”

On review:

  • 1.   Kimberly Gillespie states, “My Mom (Judy Fraser) decided to leave him in Oct/2013” because “in Sept/2013, I stated that I would no longer participate in any family get together.”

➣ YES, because Kim’s dysfunction and resulting estrangement was the reason“My Mom (Judy Fraser) decided to leave him in Oct/ 2013”; confirmed by Judith Fraser when she described her daughter, Kim, as the “the kicker” to legal separation.

  • 2.   “I suffered a lot— as he blamed me for the breakdown in their marriage” —

42 “Everything on title” includes the matrimonial home, the cottage, the family vehicles, investment annuities. 43 At the time of Judy Fraser’s murder, we were part of the statistic(s) whereby ‘68% of the murders of an intimate partner happen when they are in the midst of actual or pending separation’➣ YES, because daughter, Kimberly Gillespie was ‘the key’ — “in Sept/2013/ I {Kimberly Gillespie) stated that I would no longer participate in any family get togethers”; “this was the final reason that my Mom (Judith Fraser) decided to leave him in Oct/ 2013”.

Refer to Knock Knock — Nobody at Home! I Tried My Best to Reconcile with Judy Appendix ‘D’, where I referred to Kim as ‘the key’ to reconciliation because she was both “the kicker” to legal separation, as Judy described her, and the ‘driver of the legal separation bus.

Inevitability, every time I asked Judy for ‘reconciliation’ she would say — “I can’t, I promised Kim” —“I promised Kim”, is significant as to who was driving the ‘legal separation’.

  • 3.   Re “There is no doubt in my mind that my father hates me”.

➣ YES, I hate what Kim stands for — as “the kicker” to legal separation and later as ‘the driver’ of the legal separation bus headed in that final destination stop at ‘Hell’ — because as Kim says “in Sept/2013/ I stated that I would no longer participate in any family get togethers”; “this was the final reason that my Mom decided to leave him in Oct/ 2013”.

 ➣ NO, I don’t and could not ever hate Kim, my beloved first-born “Mingy” and wonderful mother to my grandchildren ‘O’ and ‘R’. At no time have I ever said the word ‘hate’ directed toward Kim. My love was and still is ‘unconditional’.
However, in a Kim e-mail to both myself and Judy early in the ‘legal separation’ claiming:

  • “I never felt appreciated as your daughter”
  • “You (as in George and Judy) treat Tracy and I differently
  • Judy unfairly took money for the daycare of ‘O’ and ‘R’ going back 17 years, and
  • Judy and I would screw her over on a promised $10K gift to the one we gave her sister, Tracy, to replace a front porch

Kim closed that e-mail by saying “I hate you (George)!”

  • 4.   Kim has a ‘Pinocchio’ agenda:

Kimberly’s Victim Impact Statement reads,

➣ “I kept my children away from him over the years. I always made sure that they were never alone with him” {George Fraser / Grandfather).

Now compare Kim’s Victim Impact statement to Tracy’s Victim Impact Statement:

  • “my girls were very close to both my Mom and Dad. They spent a lot of time with them”.
  • “my home was my parent’s home. Not literally, they had their own home … but they spent the majority of their time with me and my girls”.
  • “Countless dinners, days, evenings, fixing, hanging stuff, building anything that was in my home was either chosen, hung paid for or deliberated for hours over by me and my parents.
  • My world was a big part of their life. They were my lifeline, my babysitters and my support system.”

➣ Time for family, friends and spectators cheering on the ‘legal separation’, dumpster fire, to wake up to the reality of ‘What’s going on here?’ Both Mom and Dad were being victimized.

  • 5.)   Tracy states, I would take her (Judith Fraser) to the Casino to see shows; we would play our favourite fish game and shop. If I had an event to attend, she would help me pick out the outfit. She would listen to my hours of endless stories and offer advice when required”

Noticeably absent is a comparable Kimberly Gillespie Victim Impact Statement because Kim effectively and deliberately shut her mother, Judy, out of her life over long-standing petty allegations.
The fact of the matter is that Kim spent little time with her mother, and she didn’t involve Judy in mutual social activities. The Kim and Judy, ‘mother / daughter’, relationship is a direct contrast to Tracy’s warm ‘mother/ daughter’ relationship with her mother——

  • “My world was a big part of their life.”
  • “I would take her to the Casino to see shows”
  • “we would play our favourite fish game and shop”
  • “If I had an event to attend, she helped me pick the outfit”
  • “she would listen to my hours of endless stories and offer advice when required”

➣ In fact, during that last terrible year of 2013 when Kim’s dysfunctional estrangement peaked, Judy (sometimes with me) would regularly drop by the Gillespie residence after Church to say “Hello” and see the grandkids. – – – On many of those occasions Kim would not even make an appearance to greet her mother.- We both knew and discussed that our relationship with the Gillespie’s was ‘cold’ and sometimes Judy would tearfully say “What have we done to Kim? in total frustration because we had no idea as to Kim’s estrangement reasons. – We were both becoming stressed out; but we did nothing for fear of making the Kim situation worse; we just hoped that whatever Kim’s issues were that they would resolve themselves.

– Our failure to confronting Kim’s problem(s) directly was a huge mistake because ultimately that failure led to ‘legal separation’. Judy called Kim “the kicker” to ‘legal separation and Kim says, “My Mom (Judy Fraser) decided to leave him in Oct/ 2013” because “in Sept/2013., I stated that I would no longer participate in any family get together.” 

This is in direct contrast to Tracy who would always involve and welcome both myself and Judy into her life with mutual activities and endless ‘Tracy stories’. Any time, we dropped into Tracy’s home, either individually or together, we were warmly welcomed by Tracy and the ‘Divas’ with open arms and encouraged to stay for lunch or whatever. As parents, our level of mutual comfort was drastically different between the Haley household and the Gillespie household.

The fact of the matter is that Kim and her mother did nothing together!!! Judy and Kim’s mother / daughter relationship was at arm’s length. The reason is because, that was the relationship that Kim wanted with her mother and ‘Judy was never one to push’. “Judy was never one to push” is at the crux as to WHY Judy never wanted to have that ‘mother/ daughter conversation’ and ask:

  • “Kim what is your problem?
  • “Why have you distanced yourself from Mom and Dad?” Judy did not want to intrude into Kim’s space.

When I said we have to find the underlying cause of whatever Kim’s problem{s) is {are) with us by asking those fundamental questions, Judy didn’t want me to intrude into Kim’s space. Typical Judy, she just hoped that Kim would come around on her own.

➣ I respected Judy’s request to let Kim come around on her own. This represented a HUGE MISTAKE on my part by not getting involved…. And people say I was controlling, What BS!

But there were those moments, when Judy’s stress and anxiety over Kim’s estrangement and not seeing her grandkids ‘O’ and ‘R’ would crest and she would just emotionally collapse in tears and say to me:

  • “What have we done to Kim?”, and
  • “She {Kim) hasn’t even come by to see ‘Oscar’! “

It is significant that Kim is now spending more time with her mother’s memory than she did when Judy was alive. Everybody grieves differently and in Kimberly Gillespie’s case, it apparent that Kim is trying to make up for lost time and opportunities with her mother! Family dynamics don’t get any more dysfunctional than this!!!
This level of Kim vitriolic hatred was the reason, for Judy to continue with ‘legal separation’ by staying out of Kim’s dysfunctional firing line and evidenced by when I asked Judy for reconciliation to ‘please come home’ and ‘we will work though Kim’s estrangement problem together’ , Judy would tell me:

  • “I can’t, I promised Kim!”

That statement by Judy is prima facie that Kim was both “the kicker” and the driving force in the ‘legal separation’ of her parents.

  • Kim’s fingerprints are on everything. Including the legal letter, that I received the last day January 16, 2014, prohibiting my access to the cottage property. Kim always had an agenda and the legal letter agenda was because as Kim said, “he (George) loves the cottage”. Everybody remember that Kim e-mail comment to – George “I hate you” — it doesn’t get more dysfunctional than that!!!!

Fast forward-to today.

Judy’s dead
I’m in prison
Kim got what she wanted and substantially more than the $10K that she thought her parents, Judith and George Fraser; were trying to screw her out of as a matching’ gift to the one given to her sister, Tracy, for a porch replacement
Kim has a vocal and visual ‘Pinocchio’ agenda* The foregoing Postscript Appendix ‘G’ “Compare and Contrast Daughter’s Victim Impact Statements” is unedited raw script from thought to the keyboard. Nothing was consciously intended as justification or excuse for my heinous crime of ‘murder’, on my wife, my family or our community of friends and relatives. While many family relationships are messy, the Fraser family dynamics was messy to where it became totally dysfunctional over calendar year 2013; and while, Kimberly Gillespie is not to solely blame for our Fraser family dysfunction, she is not entirely blameless; in that, all the labyrinth of reasons for as to ‘What happened?’ and ‘Why was Judy Fraser murdered?’ have direct linkage to our daughter, Kimberly Gillespie.

Kimberly Gillespie was “the key

H. Gillian’s Place ‘Walk for Women’

After reading the article, “Ending silence surrounding domestic abuse” of May 30, 2016 in The Niagara Falls Review, I totally support my daughter, Kimberly Gillespie, active sponsorship of Gillian’s Place in St. Catharines in memory of her mother, Judith Fraser.
But I am also cynically thinking:

  • 1)   It was Kim’s dysfunction and her estrangement from her mother that resulted in Grandma Bo not seeing her grandchildren. Grandma Bo’s inability to see her grandchildren has direct linkage to the ‘legal separation’ of her Mom and Dad and ultimately the murder of Judith Fraser by my hand.
  • 2)   Kim came into a windfall of money when I settled the $1.3M ‘wrongful death lawsuit’; she can well afford to make a sizeable donation to Gillian’s Place in memory of her mother, Judith Fraser.
  • 3)   There is some deception going on here; whereby, “the kicker” then “the driver” has morphed into “the walker”.

➣ In recognition of my support for what Gillian’s Place stands for, I have donated to Gillian Place in memory of Judith Fraser, my loving wife of 47 years and SO years of being best friends.

I fully recognize the loss of Judy Fraser has created a deep dark void in my family and beyond.
Their understandable continuing anger and cynicism toward me as the gratuitous vicious murder will view my donation as a hypocritical gesture.
I understand!
Although, it may be difficult for family and Judy’s friends to accept, I see a dichotomy between George the murderer and George the husband and caregiver.
I donated to Gillian’s Place for me as Judy’s husband and in memory of my loving wife of 47 years and best friend of 50 years.
Like everybody, I too miss Judy and think of her often!
We were dedicated to one another after 5O years of being best friends and 47 years of marriage
Judy and I had good times and we survived the bad times; but we were powerless to survive Kim’s estrangement and the family dynamics that spiralled out-of-control that last year 2013.
We were both hurting and struggling with Kim’s estrangement and not seeing our grandchildren, ‘O’ and ‘R’.
What I didn’t know and failed to recognize was the degree to which Kim’s estrangement was exacerbating Judy’s pre-existing depression and anxiety, to where Judy herself becomes dysfunctional and thinks the answer to again see her grandchildren ‘O’ and ‘R’ is ‘marriage separation’.

I continue to have regrets that:

  • a)    I allowed Kim to run her mother through the wringer to where Judy would be regularly in tears saying, “What have we done to Kim?” and “She hasn’t even dropped by to see Oscar!”
  • b)    we never confronted our daughter, Kim, by simply saying, “What is your problem?”
  • c)    Judy never had that ‘mother/daughter conversation’ because she wanted to respect Kim’s space always thinking that whatever Kim’s problem(s) they would resolve themselves.
  • d)    I listened to Judy when she told me to “Wait! — Kim will come around”.

Then I think about the ‘Dear George’ Letter Judy left me saying, “having Kim estranged from us was the kicker” to ‘legal separation’ and that “you made no effort to mend fences”.

The Fraser family dysfunction was a cluster fuck

Judith’s murder was a heinous and senseless act that was absolutely preventable!
If only someone / anyone was there to pull George back from crossing over the line on that last day January 16, 2014 — But there was no one!
They had either ‘abandoned’ or ‘betrayed’ me at a time that I needed them most!

I. What is the Stone Throwers Motivation? and more in Review

➣ First “the kicker” then ‘the driver’ and now ‘the walker’

stone thrower

(Kimberly Gillespie picture credit thanks to Niagara Falls review article “Ending silence surrounding domestic abuse” May 30, 2016)

As I said in the beginning of this document, “rather than looking at the stones being directed toward a target — look at the stone thrower / the distractor / the deflector.” 

IMHO everybody should be asking, ‘What was and is Kimberly Gillespie’s motivation and agenda?

  • Considering that, Judy Fraser identified daughter, Kimberly Gillespie, as “the kicker” to ‘legal separation’.
  • Kimberly was later the ‘driver’ of the ‘legal separation’ take aways as evidenced by Judy telling me, “No, I promised Kim!” when I pleaded for reconciliation.
  • ‘Legal separation’ becomes a family affair
  • Because I always had access to Judy’s e-mail, it became apparent from the get-go that our ‘legal separation’ was a three-way affair between Judy, George and our daughter, Kim.
  • Kimberly Gillespie was communicating directly with Judith Fraser’s lawyer in ‘legal separation’ to fan the ‘legal separation’ dumpster fire flames
  • Kim was the author of any number of George ‘the boogeyman’ stories:
  • I was lurking around every corner
  • I would steal her vehicle to where Judy had a ‘kill switch’ installed
  • I’d be hiding in the bushes to grab her if she went to Church
  • Judy didn’t even want to go to the dog groomer for fear that George would show up to meet her there

What BS I always knew where Judy was located44, it was never my intention to scare Judy or do any physical harm to her

  • Those take aways of everything that George loved and knew directly correlates to George’s dysfunction and ultimately the murder of Judith Fraser
  • Now there is Kimberly Gillespie ‘the walker’ for Gillian House

I believe:

  • a)    the evidence shows, that Kimberly Gillespie’s actions after her mother, Judith Fraser, was murdered are designed to deflect her role as first “the kicker” to legal separation; then the ‘driver’ (aka ‘the manipulator’) in the ‘legal separation’ of her parents, Judy and George Fraser; and now, there is Kim ‘the walker’ in memory of her mother for Gillian House.
  • b)    The Kimberly Gillespie’s ‘walker’ role for Gillian House IMHO is a contrived smoke screen, to mask her key and principal role as both “the kicker” to ‘legal separation’ then as ‘the driver’ in the ‘legal separation’ process.

As the Rolling Stone’s song goes, “You can’t always get what you want”, BUT in my daughter, Kimberly Gillespie’s, case she got what she wanted — the $10K45 promised matching gift to the one that Mom and Dad gave her sister Tracy to do a front porch replacement at her home — and more! 

Was it worth it?

  • Fraser family dead
  • Grandkids traumatized
  • Mother, Judith Fraser dead
  • Father, George Fraser might as well be dead — in prison for life!

Ask Kimberly Gillespie “the kicker”, ‘the driver’, and now ‘the walker’
None of this should have happened!
None of this would have happened if we were a loving family! And Judith Fraser was allowed to have a relationship with her grandkids ‘O’ and ‘R’.

44 Fred Cameron, Judy’s lawyer in a legal separation, disclosed Judy’s address details in the Real Estate document to me on December 5, 2013.45 Actually, the matching gift was planned to be $15K because that’s what Mom and Dad paid for Tracy’s porch replacement

J. Regrets, I have a few!

Regrets, I have a few!

I close my eyes and I see Judy and I on September 3, 1966 saying our wedding vows –• –
“In good times and bad”,
We were young and in love,
Together we experienced “good times and bad”,
Then, I think, we were best friends for 50 years and we were survivors of 47 years of marriage to where we were co-dependent mutual caregivers,
We were incredibly proud of our beautiful daughters and our grandchildren.
We thought we were in a good place,
We were planning our future wanting nothing more than to enjoy our grandkids,
Then our beloved first born, Kimberly Gillespie, becomes dysfunctional and estranged for reasons unknown at the time; nothing prepared us for this betrayal,
We are not seeing our grandkids,
Judy herself becomes dysfunctional because the estrangement from our grandkids is exacerbating Judy diagnosed depression and anxiety from her systemic autoimmune health failures,
I wish / I wish / I wish we did but we didn’t simply ask Kim “What is your problem?”
Then it’s ‘Gone Girl’,
My life, my entire memory and marriage as I knew it becomes a ‘dumpster fire’,
I tried to extinguish the fire by pleading for ‘reconciliation’, but you (Judy) would not budge because you “promised Kim” (to continue with ‘legal separation).
Now, I have lawyers in my life who don’t understand the word ‘reconciliation’ and are only concerned about property separation.
We went from having everything to grovelling in the dirt for nickels and dimes.
‘Oscar’ and ‘Laci’, our kids, were not allowed play days.
Difficult to imagine the hurtful destruction that a manipulative daughter can inflicted!
By any logical objective analysis of the demise of George and Judy Fraser, both Mom and Dad were ‘betrayed and abandoned’ 

fraser georgeJudith fraser

Yes, ‘Regrets, I have a few!’
We never even got to hug, kiss and say ‘Goodbye’ one last time again
What a fucking wasted life!
Hard lesson learned — ‘When you think that everything is going well beware of self deception’
Was it worth it?

  • Fraser family dead!
  • Grandkids traumatized!
  • Mother, Judith Fraser dead
  • Father, George Fraser might as well be dead — in prison for life!

Ask Kimberly Gillespie, “the kicker”, ‘the driver’, and now ‘the walker’ 

——————————————————————————–

Cheers and thanks for dropping by< abandoned and betrayed>.
Tell your friends because Judith Fraser’s murder is a story that needs to be told ☹ 

… RIP Judy loved you then, now and forever!
Please give ‘Mr. Bojangles’ a kiss for me! … 

message from george

My BFF Bo

It’s been a little more than nine years since Judy’s fateful death and my losing my family

Memories of my family are seldom, memories of Both Bo and Oscar are a regular occurrence. I miss them both.

While Bo was buried at the cabin, I have come to realize that he is buried in my heart.

My cremation instruction to BFF is to place photography of this picture of Bo in a box at the time of cremation.

bff bo

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